Salma, Salma, Salma…you heard about my thread to name the feeblest reason for believing in Christianity, and you couldn’t just leave a comment like everyone else? You had to go running to the press to submit your entry?
Mexican actress SALMA HAYEK was so upset by childhood jibes about her flat-chest, she would pray to God for larger breasts. The Ugly Betty star reveals she was bullied for having small breasts as a youngster – and decided to turn to her Catholic religion for help. She says, “My mom and I stopped at a church during a road trip we were making from our home in Mexico. “When we went inside, I prayed for the miracle I wanted to happen. I put my hands in holy water and said: ‘Please God, give me some breasts’. “And he gave me them! Within a few months, I developed a growing spurt, as teenagers do, and I was very pleased with the way I grew outwards.”
They are very nice, Salma, but you should really give credit where credit is due: genes, steroid hormone receptors, steroid hormones, diet, and a million years of chance and selection.
I’m seeing a heart-warming made-for-TV Christmas movie:
“A Prayer for Bazongas”
Sorry for the second comment, but I’m still chuckling over this line:
“Please God, give me some breasts!”
How many young MEN have prayed that prayer, and yet been denied by God?
I did a google image search for Salmay Hayek, because I couldn’t picture her, and the first picture to pop up almost makes me believe in god. With the breasts she has, maybe she’s on to something. ;)
(Er, ahem. Now I’m not sure if everybody will get the joke in that second post. If the first thing that comes to mind is “Please God, let me grow mantits,” I fumbled the joke.
Okay, duh, I’m done for the day.)
If you look at a picture of her from 5 or 6 years ago, and then a recent one, you will see that there has quite obviously been Divine Surgical Intervention. Guess she got tired of waiting on god.
Who needs god? I say the increase in breast size can be attributed to the inflationary model. (or is that a law?)
At least God has his priorities straight.
Please forgive my skeptical instincts, but I must wonder whether these are, in fact, God-given. They’re doing such wonderful things these days with saline.
Ah, Miss Scarlett confirms my suspicions.
well it’s been over 2000 years since god came down and played with Mary’s mammaries. Maybe he was just thinking about making himself another pair ….
After reading the title of this post I was expecting to actually SEE some boobs when I clicked through. Now I’m already disappointed and it’s not even 8am yet. Sigh…
On a side note, the reason Salma’s breasts are so much larger in recent pictures is because she’s VERY pregnant.
…& mankind rejoiced. (Well, at least I do)
I suppose flocks of people (mostly men) are journeying hundreds of miles to look, pray, and touch them?
I heard her initial version of this story when it was on the Letterman show and, I’ve got to say, when she’s telling it in person her tone conveys that, though it might be an actual scene from her childhood, she’s really telling it as a joke and not as something she genuinely believes.
Yes, folks, body shapes do naturally change over the years, especially for women who get pregnant. Could we skip the cattiness?
It’s not like we’re talking about Demi Moore, after all. (Save the cattiness for her? She cannot even make facial expressions any more.)
There is an underlying lesson here about why people believe in God. People confuse good fortune with the intervention of a divine being all the time.
Hmm. Sorry, that’s boring. Let’s go back to speculating about which Hollywood stars have had plastic surgery. Just what is up with Lindsay Lohan?
“On a side note, the reason Salma’s breasts are so much larger in recent pictures is because she’s VERY pregnant.”
nah. It’s a girl!!!!
A little comparative work with the first page or 2 of a Google image search suggests very strongly that enhancement has occured. It’s not very tedious research either.
It worked for Jonathan Wells. He’s two cup sizes larger than Hayek.
to paraphrase a line from the Bible:
By their melons shall you know them…
Whether or not that magic man in the sky exists, he certainly has good taste.
Hmmm… would this mean that atheist females should be more flat chested than religious females?
If not — would she be able to explain this?
So, is this something you pray directly to God for, or is there a saint charged with interceding in such cases?
They’re real…and they’re spectacular.
If you’re going to credit God for Salma Hayek, he also gets the credit for Rosie O’Donnell.
Hey, Angelina Jolie is hardly hurtin’ in that department, so atheist ladies do just fine, it seems ;-)
Actually, this is a much more common phenomenon than one might think.
Almost every American male junior high student prays that he’ll someday get his hands on some breasts. By the time they’re in their 40’s, more than half of all American men look like they need to wear a bra. Coincidence? I don’t think so.
“…Within a few months, I developed a growing spurt, as teenagers do…”
Did she really nead to add all of the god bullshit?
I guess this one of those cases of extraordinary claims, requiring extraordinary evidence …
“need” damn it!
How come Alister McGrath never mentions Salmas breasts when he talks about the reasons to believe christianity?
Breasts intelligently designed, folks! Check it out:
http://questiondarwin.blogspot.com/2007/11/breast-feeding-and-intelligent-design.html
It’s irreducible complexity, don’tcha know?
I always thought that was the purview of the Titty Fairy.
Hank, your joke worked for me. Bravo.
Surely the Song of Solomon has some relevant passage here. (Funny how the Baptist church I once attended never seemed to read from that book.)
Key quote: “as teenagers do”.
Key quote: “as teenagers do”.
There seems to be some disagreement on whether or not Salma Hayek’s bosom has received divine or earthly enhancement. I would like to volunteer to thoroughly examine the matter on behalf of skeptics everywhere. Ms. Hayek, just post in this thread and we’ll schedule something. I promise that all videotaping will be in the interest of Science.
…
So, who gets credit for Aishwarya Rai then?
Is Ron Jeremy a christian?
before & after pics
http://www.awfulplasticsurgery.com/archives/006604.html
Here I was thinking she was going to be the Friday Cephalopod.
Yes, clearly this calls for a hands-on approach, and years of research. Thanks for keeping us abreast of the situation.
She’s actually pretty cool for a Catholic; she thinks the whole ‘no birth control thing’ part of her faith is stupid and has used it since she was a teenager. She can’t believe modern-day Catholics still hold onto such an archaic tradition. . .which of course is it’s own can of worms to mention but still.
Also, she’s had the goods since 1995 at least, when I had an obsession with the table dance in ‘From Dusk Till Dawn.’ Her weight going up and down since and having a kid probably had something to do with any changes.
Do you think ‘The Faithful’ have discussions like this on their message boards about Ann Coulter?
*shudders at the thought of all those sharp angles*
Don’t forget that Hayek played the part of the Muse Terpsichore in the movie Dogma, a somewhat ad absurdum working out of Catholic beliefs to their logical ends, which got several religious types worked up when it was released. I think it more than likely that she had her tongue in her cheek when she juxtaposed praying to God with her natural development.
Oh, and if you think she was hot in From Dusk Till Dawn then you need to check out her dancing in her introductory scene in Dogma.
Anybody going for a Molly here?
You realize this thread will count for half of your mark, right?
I am reminded of the old Sinatra tune “Thanks for the Mammaries.”
There are some women with such demonstrable faith that they are going to apply for sainthood – and a new order:
http://images.google.com/images?hl=en&q=huge+boobs&gbv=2
Just one of those women could feed all of the infants of a medium size country.
Bill Ross
http://bibleshockers.blogspot.com
Amenhotep:
that page makes my brain hurt.
I have to say, in all honesty, I tend to believe in goddesses whenever I see Salma’s boobies.
…and Halle’s.
Oh, and don’t forget Scarlett’s.
It is easier for Salma Hayek’s breasts to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven. (Which is also–interestingly enough–Salma Hayek’s breasts.)
Also, this is for NelC: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ksICC85qyRc
(FDTD’s scene was still better.)
“Is Ron Jeremy a christian?”
The Christian God might only be interested pleasing men with secondary sexual characteristics, the Jewish God is more about good sex. Of course the packaging sometimes fails, which is a pity.
;)
I’ll begrudgingly give theists some credit here, because if ever there were a reason to believe in a god, Salma Hayek is it.
Excuse me, are we really holding up Salma’s breasts as a feeble reason to be a Christian? It’s about the best one I’ve yet heard!
Are we seriously meant to believe in a God up there, sitting around and thinking of Salma Hayeks boobs?
I get the mental image of Al Bundy on a cloud.
I prayed for god to make me a sceptic, and she did!
Purely in the interests of science, I attempted to repeat the experiment by also praying for God to give me Salma Hayek’s breasts. So far, the results are somewhat disappointing.
I’m impressed, there enough in her statement to offended both atheists and Catholics. Both ignorant and blasphemous at the same time.
Actually there have been moments, private moments -ahem-, that I have envisioned Salma Hayek and cried out, “Oh GOD” and then muttered something about an arrival.
She ( and perhaps Helena Bonham Carter, maybe Angelina Jolie sans tattoos) is the most persuasive thing to lead me to believe there might be a God. Don’t despair fellow non-theists, I still doubt. She claims God gave her larger breasts after she prayed, but I prayed and prayed and zip, nada, unless God is trying to speak to me through emails about Enzyte…
I was instantly reminded of this:
http://www.achewood.com/index.php?date=10152007
Song of Solomon 4:5 —
“Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.”
I think some of the commentators here are confusing their libido will their “faith”.
But it said she washed her hands in the holy water. Good thing her hands didn’t grow instead!
Yep Salma is pretty cool. She’s got a sense of humor, and the people who work with her seem to like her a lot. I concur with the idea that the “God give me breasts” thing is all a joke to her now, and yes, she’s been an advocate for birth-control for as long as I can remember – which I admit isn’t all that long in the grand scheme of things, but hey. She isn’t hawking chastity, and never has.
You boys can hash out the body-mod speculations on your own, though. :-p I guess I understand the breast-obsession, but… Holy cow!
Salma tidbit: Plenty of guys I know who worship her can’t seem to figure out her nationality, and conclude that her name + her look = Israeli. Interesting, huh?
Hmmm… actually that’s best argument for God I’ve ever heard. Have you seen those things?
Song of Solomon 4:5 —
“Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.”
…Which has to be one of the most awkward and peculiar similes ever compounded to describe a woman’s breasts, and leads to frightening imaginings of what the poor woman really looked like.
I strongly suspect Salma’s goods are home-grown. It’s interesting that the wide availability of cosmetic surgery has caused people to doubt nature so frequently, much as Photoshop has caused doubts to be cast on even some of the most mundane pictures.
Hmm, wonder if Dirk Digler prays?
Jsn (#55):
I sympathize. Standing in the front row while Mary Prankster performed “Irresponsible Woman” was my closest approach to theism.
This must be one of the better reasons to believe – a genuine miracle, proving the power of prayer (as long as it’s for something worthwhile. Truly Man is created in the image of God, and God likes hooters too.
Granted, I’ve had a couple of beers, but what the hell?
A mention of breasts, and the discussion drops below the shoesize mean iq mark. Here, of all places.
#43: I am reminded of the old Sinatra tune “Thanks for the Mammaries.”
Bob Hope.
You’re welcome.
In the before and after picture, I prefer the “before.” Breasts are so context-dependent. Michelle Kwan just wouldn’t look right if she was the same size as, say, Angelina Jolie.
Pregnancy does some amazing things. My wife’s been through it twice, and she actually had to send me on an emergency trip to the department store for some fresh unmentionables. How many times have you been to the store to make such a purchase? It was an emergency; there was no way she was going out in public like that.
My prayers were answered, though. Hallelujah.
#60 “I guess I understand the breast-obsession, but… Holy cow!”
I thought you liked her until you started calling her names.
Why am I reminded of Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle?
Kumar: How were Katie Holmes’ tits?
Goldstein: You know the Holocaust?
Kumar: Yeah?
Goldstein: Picture the opposite of that!
Kumar: Nice!
I think this analogy would apply better to Salma, but to each his own.
(Did I just violate/confirm Godwin’s Law?)
You all need to keep the infrastructure in mind. Bras are a bit more clever these days.
Unless God is a plastic surgeon, I don’t think He gave her the current pair of breasts she is sporting.
Indeed, let us thank the Lord for plastic surgery.
http://www.nubra.net/
And you’re welcome, guys.
Intelligently designed – I know what software He used: http://www.shockabsorber.co.uk/bounceometer/shock.html
I prayed for god to make me a sceptic, and she did!
That should be on a bumper sticker.
There was a teacher (science, of all things!) at my Catholic junior high school who said masturbating was a sin because sex is a gift from God to be shared between two people. It was really upsetting to me for both the obvious reason and the fact that I had previously liked and respected this teacher.
After that, when I prayed, I would promise God that I would show my faith by abstaining from sheet-staining, and in return he was to help me get a girlfriend or get better grades or get a girlfriend or make me taller and stronger or help me get a girlfriend or whatever it was that I prayed for at fourteen (please let me get a girlfriend!)
Eventually I realised I was never going to be able to live up to my end of the bargain and that I’d just have to get my own damn girlfriend, no thank you God.
Years later, when people would ask what my faith was, I would answer, “I was raised Catholic, went to a Catholic school, and had a Catholic teacher tell me I had to choose between God and masturbation.
“I’m still masturbating….”
And flat chested women serve to remind us all that no is also an answer to a prayer…
(#75) Brownian,
I am reminded of a quote: “Philip Roth is a good writer, but I wouldn’t want to shake hands with him.”
Jacqueline Susann, after reading Portnoy’s Complaint
/Is Ron Jeremy a christian?/
Someone once pointed out that porn films represent two groups with guilt/shame complexes; a majority of men are Jewish and a majority of women are Catholic (former Catholic, perhaps). I’d love to see the actual stats.
“A little comparative work with the first page or 2 of a Google image search suggests very strongly that enhancement has occured.”
She was hardly flat chested in the beginning of her career.
Of course now, post-pregnancy, she might be able to get rid of the implants.
How about the reverse of what we’ve been talking about. Prepare to be freaked or at least amazed. Graphic Artist as God.
http://www.artnewsblog.com/2007/11/photoshop-makeover.htm
TTIUWP
Here’s the link to Salma telling the story.
Obviously it’s meant to be very humorous.
If I believed in the power of prayer, I’d be praying for Divine Reduction Mammoplasty, instead of merely dressing to understate. I guess it’s sort of like “God Hates Amputees” – if it’s measurable and naturally irreversible, divine reversals don’t seem to take place. If it can be swept in along with natural processes or medical intervention, then God (or the Tit Fairy, thanks for that one!) might get the credit.
A friend of mine visiting a Catholic church once tasted the holy water, which is what she thought people were doing, and promptly came down with every cold or flu in the congregation.
I think it cured her of going to church.
reminds me of a joke (must be read in an Italian accent. I know the pope is a kraut but trust me it works better):
the pope, faced with a calamity that will bring down the church, is informed by his vatican advisors that the church can only be saved if he makes love to a beautiful woman. At first he rejects the notion but because of the gravity of the situation he finally agrees…with three conditions:
1. The woman must be blind so she cannot see who is making love to her.
2. The woman must be dumb (in the speechless sense) so that she cannot possibly relate who it was that made love to her if she should discover it was he (no…she can’t write…because she was brought up a shoplifter under sharia law…OK?)
3. She’s gotta hava bigga tits…boomba…boomba.
Monado wrote:
Do you have back problems? I think insurance will pay for reductions if it’s causing back problems.
I must confess, when it’s not back problems, it always makes me sad to hear that women want reductions — are our male attentions really that much of a liability?
‘Please God, give me some breasts’
If I were a deity in my Old Testament stage, I’d have so much fun answering this type of prayer: there’d be women sporting four breasts growing from their back.
I find this argument for theism intriguing. It will require personal investigation.
Am I the only guy here who really isn’t that impressed with what any celebrity has to offer?
charley: “I thought you liked her until you started calling her names.”
It’s nice to see that someone’s willing to play with the little toys I leave lying around.
I can’t believe nobody grabbed ahold of this one, though:
Now, pay attention to Suze. Infrastructure.
With that in mind, I have to say I’m a little dismayed at the tendency for so many to assume that every well-endowed female has been enhanced. What’s up with that?? C’mon, you all know women who haven’t been and have no reason to. You know, if it was me, I might be a little hurt knowing all y’all were talking that way behind my back. Just because I’m 5’9″ doesn’t mean I had two inches surgically added to my legs. The same applies to other dimensions. Yeah, it’s Hollywood – but still.
is there a saint charged with interceding in such cases?
Agatha of Sicily. ;-)
Yep Salma is pretty cool. She’s got a sense of humor, and the people who work with her seem to like her a lot.
She’s involved in the Ramtha cult. Not much of an improvement on Christianity.
Speaking of patron saints, I’ve been praying to St Peter since I was 12.
I swear the the nonexistant God that I realized that double entendre right after I posted it.
Shun the nonbeliever!
__Azkyroth #89 “Am I the only guy here who really isn’t that impressed with what any celebrity has to offer?”__
Although I find some celebrities impressive for their talent or skill, I’m not impressed with anyone JUST because they are a celebrity.
With regards to women’s breasts, I’ve heard (and somewhat agree with) if they’re more than a handful/mouthful they’re a waste.
Just my (atypical?) male $.02
Cheers,
Ray
I’m not impressed with what any celebrity breasts — if you mean Hollywood actresses. However, I am mightily impressed by the breasts of Chelsea Charms, Maxi Mounds and Keisha Evans.
“A mention of breasts, and the discussion drops below the shoesize mean iq mark. Here, of all places.”
Further proof that there is a correlation between breast size and intelligence. Just not the one that usually gets postulated.
Ha Ha Ha.
Just like the old joke:
Q. Why don’t women have any brains?
A. Because they don’t have dicks to put them in.
PZ and others:
I guess no one here has actually ever watched Ugly Betty, which may be a good thing.
But the star of Ugly Betty is a Latina named America Ferrera. Salma Hayek is a producer on the show. So who are we talking about?
Really?!? Ugh. What the bleep! That’s awful.
LOL! I’d forgotten about that. :-D
Quote/: With regards to women’s breasts, I’ve heard (and somewhat agree with) if they’re more than a handful/mouthful they’re a waste.
Just my (atypical?) male $.02
Cheers,
Ray. /End Quote
One of the clumsiest attempts at complimenting a woman men have ever invented. Every good woman who hears it immediately thinks of an over-endowed sister who is by contrast being insulted. Also, how would men feel if women said (given the nerve ending shortage in the vaginal canal) that ‘anything longer than two inches is a waste’?
#86 Quote: I must confess, when it’s not back problems, it always makes me sad to hear that women want reductions — are our male attentions really that much of a liability?
Posted by: Norman Doering /End Quote
It isn’t usually the male attentions, although I know one woman who had a reduction for that reason – she was very shy. More often it is perceived interference with various activities. Bicycling, for example, with extra weight hangin’ off your chest, or the running bounce/slap effect, tamed only by excruciatingly tight sports bras. Or just the fact that finding clothing made to accomodate large breasts can be frustrating, as there seems to be a design assumption that large breasts equals short, wide body and a love of large florals or pastels.
Where do strippers with huge implants get their clothes? They’re not short and wide mostly and they rarely wear florals. And they do have to go out on the street when not working.
And they don’t seem to avoid physical activity.
I don’t feel qualified to answer that one, Norman.
Kseniya, Bee, Monado… are you all the same person? I feel like I’m having a conversation with someone who keeps changing their name.
I don’t know where strippers with huge implants get their clothes, but it would be easy to find out. Just Google “Huge tits” and then find the names of some strippers, visit their websites, email them and ask them where they get their clothes. I bet they’d have a lot of good advice on clothes, bras, avoiding back pain etc.
Terry, Salma Hayek is the producer, but she has also appeared in seven episodes as the occasional love interest of Daniel Meade, the editor of Mode magazine. (I have an eighteen-year old daughter who owns the DVDs, so I have catechized on this subject.)
I mean, ‘have been catechized on this subject’.
Norman: The women I’ve known who work in sex industry generally dress like your average suburban mini van mom when they are not working. They have the same complaints about clothes and everything else in the fashion world as any other woman. They just have no health insurance (like a lot of other women in the USA) You probably stood in line behind one yesterday at the supermarket.
Nope, not the same. Why do you feel that way? It is interesting that you asked a question, then offered a way to obtain the answer, as if we had asked you. ;-)
Googling “huge tits” is not on my list of things to do today. :-p
Kseniya wrote:
It’s also interesting that you felt it was necessary to step into a conversation and say “I don’t feel qualified to answer that one, Norman.” What does being qualified have to do with it? Why should I care if you’re qualified if you weren’t part of the conversation initially? Why bring it up or say anything?
I do it about once a week. At least twice a month.
sea Creature wrote:
Like a lot of people period, men and women.
Probably I have at some point, it’s a surprisingly large industry.
Here’s the Letterman clip: http://youtube.com/watch?v=ToQQorOYDy4
M31 wrote:
I wonder if jokes like that and the general feeling that IQs start dropping when the subject of breasts and sex comes up aren’t symptomatic of a cultural problem.
Conversations on this subject don’t have to be limited to jokes like that. I think there might be some serious things here for atheists to consider that can be talked about intelligently.
What do you bet the proportion of atheists in the sex industry is higher than in the general population? I doubt if its like scientists are mostly atheistic, but not being subject to a religious sense of guilt and shame I imagine that opens up the sex worker career path wider for atheists than for fundies.
And yet there are some disturbing hints of shaming and guilt in the discussion here that would be the same on a Christian site discussing this topic — it’s just hidden in jokes.
The sex industry is a very problematic industry for atheists if it’s true that there’s a significant number of us in it. Large parts of the industry are sleazy and dangerous. To a large extent the workers don’t respect the customers and the customers don’t respect the workers. Some of the worst behaved sites on the internet are porn sites, they try to use those annoyingly aggressive pop-up ads, they seem more likely to sell your email address to spammers, they will spybot you and you’re probably more likely to get a computer virus from such sites.
Also, when Monado writes: “I’d be praying for Divine Reduction Mammoplasty, instead of merely dressing to understate.” That “dressing to understate” line doesn’t speak to physical problems, it speaks to body image and wanting to hide her attributes because she feels they are somehow unacceptable.
There’s to little there to read much into, but it might be deserving of a more serious discussion.
The producers for the next 007 movie put out a casting call for the new Bond girl to “look Latin American” (whatever that means) and now one of the frontrunners for the role is an Israeli model.
Holy tadpole custard, Norman! Did you have reduction surgery performed on your sense of humor?!?
Kseniya wrote:
Maybe — somewhere between writing “Indeed, let us thank the Lord for plastic surgery” and my last rant I read this article:
http://thesituationist.wordpress.com/2007/11/05/being-smart-about-dumb-blonde-jokes/
Now all the jokes on this page have some dark shadows on them.
Seriously, Norman, I had no intention of “stepping in” to a private conversation. I just thought it was amusing to offer a reply which basically said, “I am not a stripper [not qualified], so I wouldn’t know!” :-)
That’s in interesting article, there. I’m not a big fan of “disparagement humor” as a rule. I’m a blonde and have had my share of being stereotyped and objectified, but the jokes don’t bother me personally – often they’re pretty damned funny – except to the extent that they promote stereotypes (and worse). According to that link, it appears they do…
Is she happy He made them saggy?
God doesn’t seem inclined to help the millions of impoverished Third World Christians who faithfully pray for food, medicine, and the lives of their children but he does take an interest in the outcome of NFL games, Nascar races and Selma Hayeks breasts. Is God a redneck? That would explain a lot!
I blogged about this argument (or a pair of arguments) for theism this summer. In finnish, tho’:
http://paholaisen-asianajaja.blogspot.com/2007/05/en-voi-olla-en-ateisti.html
I can no longer be an atheist.
Skipping all the theistic garbage, it would be amusing (okay, tawdry, capitalistic, insert other reason why this shouldn’t be done here) if there were a pharynguloid dating site. Of course, there should be some sort of IQ test to determine that we males didn’t have our IQ’s too lowered by the sight of boobs. (Selma Hayek just doesn’t do it for me, however, Halle Berry’s were sweet(wonderful overall shape), just the auroles were a little large for my taste. :-)
Now everyone can flame me for being a sexist pig….