“Dolphins used to look like humans and lived in Atlantis”


While the Weekly World News may be on the verge of extinction (although it still seems to be surviving online), at least Pravda labors on to deliver the truth

Recent studies of Australian scientists indicate that Atlanteans, the people who lived on a legendary island first mentioned by Plato, may have been the ancestors of dolphins.

Huh. Like we’re supposed to believe a bunch of Australians.

Comments

  1. denise says

    “recent studies of Australian Scientists…” So now Australian Scientists are descended from Atlanteans by way of dolphins? Cool!

  2. Eric says

    So the ancestors of dolphins decided to possess an ability that would enable them to “see” with their ears by listening to echoes.

    Wow – I wasn’t aware that it was just a matter of deciding. Well, I’m going to go decide to possess the ability to fly. I’ll let you guys know how it goes after I find a building to jump off of.

  3. Rey Fox says

    “Some people suggested that even the trees had been a bad move, and that we never should have left the ocean.”

  4. T_U_T says

    :-)
    All experiments with quatnum computers should be immediately abandoned, othewise the entire multiverse could collapse. The damage they do to the fabric of reality is simly undeniable. News reports from parallel universes like this one leaking into our reality are only the tip of the iceberg ! For example. Experts in quantum information theory recently found evidence that the majority of conservative blogs on the internet are from alternative realities.
    :o)

  5. MikeM says

    Lilly is confident that scientists will make enormous progress in many fields once verbal contact between humans and dolphins is established. Dolphins will be no longer used as guinea pigs. They will turn into scientists’ colleagues, making contributions to scientific progress.

    LOL.

    A few months ago, when that whole whale thing was going on near Sacramento, someone suggested that since humans could talk to dolphins, and dolphins could talk to whales, we just needed to bring in a dolphin interpreter friend to act as an intermediary between us well-wishing humans and the trapped whales. They were dead serious.

    But this Pravda story, talking about Atlantis as if it was as factual as Atlanta… Where do people get these goofy ideas?

  6. Dustin says

    Dolphins used to be the humans who ran the Atlantis division of Xenu Industries and ate the clams who later evolved into the humans we have now.

    Everyone knows that.

  7. Stevie_C says

    It only took dolphins 250,000 years to transform from walking mammal to streamlined jester of the sea?

    WOW. The russian press really blows. That’s what happens when the news is controlled by the state,

  8. mothra says

    I believe that roughly 8 years ago, at an anthropology conference in Cairo, a scientist (whose name and nationality are here withheld in the interest of international diplomacy) claimed to have found early hominid bones in Egypt. Dr. Tim White (RE: Lucy) looked at the rib bone fragments and dubbed them ‘flipperipithecus.’
    @ @
    O

  9. Mike says

    Flying is easy, Eric. You just aim for the ground . . . and miss. This is my HitchhikersGTTG reference for the day.

  10. mothra says

    I believe that roughly 8 years ago, at an anthropology conference in Cairo, a scientist (whose name and nationality are here withheld in the interest of international diplomacy) claimed to have found early hominid bones in Egypt. Dr. Tim White (RE: Lucy) looked at the rib bone fragments and dubbed them ‘flipperipithecus.’
    @ @
    O

  11. says

    Experts in quantum information theory recently found evidence that the majority of conservative blogs on the internet are from alternative realities. Posted by: T_U_T

    So … does that mean Glenn Beck and Bill O’Reilly are examples of stochastic tunneling?

    Huh. And all this time I thought they were the orifices, not the extrusions.

  12. Sonja says

    “No matter how weird it may appear, dolphins used to have two legs and a couple of arms in place of fins. They lived side by side with the people of the Stone Age,” said Dr. Leslie Huskerway, a biologist.

    Dr. Leslie Huskerway is a name worthy of the Marx Brothers (i.e. Dr. Hugo Z. Hackenbush) and a Google search for the “biologist” returns no hits (except the above Pravda article).

  13. says

    WOW. The russian press really blows. That’s what happens when the news is controlled by the state,

    IIRC, Pravda hasn’t been state controlled for a long time. The newspaper Pravda was started by some of the people who ran the state-run version, but according to wiki pravda.ru is unrelated even to that.

  14. Eric says

    Flying is easy, Eric. You just aim for the ground . . . and miss. This is my HitchhikersGTTG reference for the day.

    That’s kinda what I was going for – though perhaps I made it a little too subtle.

    One of my favorite books I own is a leather-bound copy of the entire 5-book trilogy, on thin pages that have gold on the edges, with a silk ribbon bookmark sewn in. It has often been mistaken for a Bible, and when people ask if that’s what it is, I just show it to them and tell them that yes, this is my bible.

  15. says

    who lived on a legendary island first mentioned by Plato,

    BZZZT! Wrong! Well before Plato, the Atlantis myth has (as far as I am aware) its roots in an ancient Egyptian story, which proved popular enough to recirculate and give birth to a number of other super-duper-island-kingdom myths in nearby cultures – said myths that would later be used as “proof” of the existence of Atlantis itself.

    So this article loses before they even GET to the Dolphins. That is a new kind of sad.

  16. Brain Hertz says

    This can’t possibly be true. Atlanteans were supposed to be smart, but all dolphins do is muck about in the water all day having a good time…

  17. says

    One of my favorite books I own is a leather-bound copy of the entire 5-book trilogy, on thin pages that have gold on the edges, with a silk ribbon bookmark sewn in. It has often been mistaken for a Bible, and when people ask if that’s what it is, I just show it to them and tell them that yes, this is my bible.

    Posted by: Eric | October 25, 2007 2:51 PM

    WHen my wife and I got married, we had the officiant (a good friend of ours) carry her leather-bound HGTTG in place of a Bible. We put our vows in it. Raised quite a few eyebrows…

    …But where was I? Yes, Austraila. As everyone knows, Australia is entirely peopled by criminals, who are used to people not trusting them, as you do not trust me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you.

  18. ShavenYak says

    It only took dolphins 250,000 years to transform from walking mammal to streamlined jester of the sea?

    WOW.

    That’s nothing. There’s a creationist on IIDB that thinks dolphins adapted to their fully aquatic lifestyle from fully terrestrial mammals within five years after the Flood.

    Yes, it has been pointed out to him that five years is about one generation for dolphins.

  19. Jen says

    A lot of people didn’t believe there were beaver-like animals with duck bills or animals who could balance their weight on their tails and carried their young in a pouch.

    What’s one more thing to stretch one’s credulity? ;-)

  20. David Marjanović, OM says

    BZZZT! Wrong! Well before Plato, the Atlantis myth has (as far as I am aware) its roots in an ancient Egyptian story

    …which is completely unknown, except for Plato explaining that the Atlantis story was told to him in Egypt. So, yes, as far as we know, Atlantis was first mentioned by Plato.

    Under this name at least. Apparently it’s simply Troy, with months instead of years, and behind the other Columns of Heracles (the Dardanelles).

  21. David Marjanović, OM says

    BZZZT! Wrong! Well before Plato, the Atlantis myth has (as far as I am aware) its roots in an ancient Egyptian story

    …which is completely unknown, except for Plato explaining that the Atlantis story was told to him in Egypt. So, yes, as far as we know, Atlantis was first mentioned by Plato.

    Under this name at least. Apparently it’s simply Troy, with months instead of years, and behind the other Columns of Heracles (the Dardanelles).

  22. Heather says

    Ah, you crazy “scientists” and your “theories.” Everyone knows that the real Atlantis is hidden under the remains of the Great Barrier Reef. I recommend an archaeological expedition to dig up the whole works forthwith.

  23. Brian English says

    Trust us Ozzies? Nah, you got the biggest military around, no need for trust. We’ll do whatever you ask. :)

  24. says

    “recent studies of Australian Scientists…” So now Australian Scientists are descended from Atlanteans by way of dolphins? Cool!

    My first thought exactly!

  25. says

    Australians get this a lot.

    When you’re a journalist making up a news story about a discovery by scientists, you want to pick a country that seems (i) a bit different, where something unusual might seem plausible to your gullible readers, and (ii) seems too far away to actually check any of the facts.

    It doesn’t hurt that we have kooks of our own, so if you need a little bit of truth in there to reinforce all the made up bits, you can probably find someone to say something inane enough to fit your story.

  26. Bride of Shrek says

    I’m calling a partial BS on this one. For a start there is no such place as Melbourne University ( there is a University of Melbourne but it would NEVER be styled as Mebourne University) and there is no such person as Leslie Huskeway working there.

    However, I am Australian, I do like lolling around in the water all day doing bugger all, I have been known to communicate in squeaks (but only after a hell tequila session) and my cousin’s name is Flipper so perhaps…..

    Oh, and my two month old has a suspicious hole in the top of her head, coincidence?, I think not.

    Oh, and Brownian- Vegemite rocks- you just have to brought up on it to appreciate its subtle and elegant flavour.

  27. says

    you just have to brought up on it to appreciate its subtle and elegant flavour

    Or have an Aussie like my labmate show you how to set it up right. The secret is *lots* of butter and a *very thin* layer of Vegemite.

    Slabbing on the Vegemite like mortar with a trowel is a rookie mistake, one that is destined to end not at all well.

  28. Brian English says

    Slabbing on the Vegemite like mortar with a trowel is a rookie mistake, one that is destined to end not at all well.

    Philistine! You have to trowel it on, lots of butter makes it lubricated, but the sheer salt attack of big dollop of Vegemite is a rush. Especially when hung over. (queue drooling noises)

  29. wrpd says

    We have know for years how intelligent sea mammals are. Have none of you read “The Porpoise-Driven Life?”

  30. says

    Speaking as one who just acquired his first Aussie passport today, I’m delighted to be able to trace my ancestry to Atlantis. Look out Miss Natla, I’m coming for that Scion…

  31. negentropyeater says

    Usually, when an article starts with :
    “Recent studies of (Country X) scientists indicate that…”
    it is very likely that it is not required to read the continuation.

  32. wrpd says

    We have know for years how intelligent sea mammals are. Have none of you read “The Porpoise-Driven Life?”

  33. MikeM says

    One part of the article that no one has mentioned yet:

    Professor A. Portman at the Basel-based Institute of Zoology (Switzerland) came up with a scale for measuring intellect. A human being (214 points) was found to be the smartest creature of all. A dolphin was a runner-up with 195 points. An elephant (150 points) was rated as No 3. An ape arrived fourth with 63 points.

    The following fill the slots at the bottom of the scale: a zebra (42 points); a giraffe (38 points); a fox (28 points). A hippopotamus scored only 18 points, and therefore was classified as the stupidest creature under the sun.

    That’s really profound. What methodology did they follow to determine a hippo is dumber than a giraffe??

  34. MJ says

    Bride of Shrek,
    The University of Melbourne is colloquially known as Melbourne University – referred to more often than its correct name. I’ll agree with the BS call. Australians are not as gullible as the readers of this fine example of scientifically credible literature – which incidentally (http://english.pravda.ru/society/anomal/) brings you:

    -Video of crashed UFO in Russia leaks from secret KGB files;
    -Ghost of Lenin sighted in the Kremlin;
    -Heavenly omens carry inexplicable messages;
    -Blind Russian mystic discerns colors by touch;
    among others.

    And Brownian, for what it’s worth, you will find about 50% of Australians -such as myself- do not actually like Vegemite.

  35. dustbubble says

    What methodology did they follow to determine a hippo is dumber than a giraffe??

    Well giraffes don’t poop in the water, churn it up with their tails, and then submerge in it up to their nostrils.

  36. Ichthyic says

    Well giraffes don’t poop in the water, churn it up with their tails, and then submerge in it up to their nostrils.

    giraffes head butt each other into broken necks.

    meaningless, just like Portman’s scale.

  37. mandrake says

    From the end of this article:

    Lilly is confident that scientists will make enormous progress in many fields once verbal contact between humans and dolphins is established.

    John Lilly? John Lilly?
    hahahahha!!
    (wipes tears from eyes) Sorry, I shouldn’t be so rude, as John Lilly really did contribute innovative, intelligent actual science involving dolphin communication. However, his opinions on dolphins communicating with humans are…
    well, from his book “John Lilly”, So Far:

    In some experiments with the poolside isolation tank, John used ketamine to enhance his ability to program his internal reality. He visited both the internal reality and the extraterrestrial reality and allowed the dolphins to program his experiences. The results were so bizarre as to be utterly indescribable in terms of human consensus reality. Even a veteran explorer such as John had difficulty assimilating them afterward.

    You don’t say.

  38. Baratos says

    How is Pravda still going? People started to realize it was bullshit back in the 1930s. I had assumed the Soviets had just given up on it.

    The idea that there are people out there who might actually read and believe Pravda frightens me.

  39. AlanWCan says

    What methodology did they follow to determine a hippo is dumber than a giraffe??

    Hippos vote republican and go to church?

  40. Bharat says

    Eric #19. “One of my favorite books I own is a leather-bound copy of the entire 5-book trilogy, on thin pages that have gold on the edges, with a silk ribbon bookmark sewn in.”

    You are making me jealous!!. But then I have a beautiful hardcover edition of the complete Calvin and Hobbes. :-)

  41. says

    Speaking as a Russian-descended person born and living in Australia (and still not giving a damn about Steve Irwin or Australia’s Prime Minister):

    hey, enough with the Australian-bashing please. How’s about we judged all’s y’alls Americans on the performance of your President, your ID-pushing mathematicians or scuba-wearing Baptist ministers, da? Bolshoye spasibo, khorosho? Dostatochna.

    … and I refuse to have butter with my Vegemite (but then again, I don’t like butter OR margarine). I want my salty Vitamin B without added fats. And I don’t care if my girlfriend’s eyes bug out in disgust when I slather the Vegemite on to the bread. Them’s good eatin’s right there.

  42. Peter Ashby says

    I would just like to point out that New Zealanders like Vegemite too. I like mine on thick oatcakes, also without added yellow fat containing substances. This effectively combines both the Scottish and Kiwi sides of me.

  43. Dave Godfrey says

    Never had vegemite. We get Marmite in the UK, which is often marketed under the slogan “you either love it or hate it”. I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t like it. Its made of beer! (well a beer byproduct).

  44. says

    Its made of beer! *Perks up*

    Kseniya: *Swish!* Ever heard of ancient astronauts? We are ancestral to the Atlanteans. We rode here curled into holes on large meteorites (while the Pacificeans crossed the ocean on logs, the scum). No alcohol on our planet.

    MARS NEEDS WHISKEY! Take me to your liter.

  45. says

    One thing that amazes me about the Atlantis nuts is that Plato goes out of his way to all but say “I’m making this up, people!!”

    Proteus454: I have it on the authority of a classicist (and my own brief investigation) that it is Plato making it up – certainly the word is from him. Moreover, if you read the story you’ll see that it is a glorified Athens and so on.

    David Marjanović, OM: Worse. An old man explains that he heard it once from his grandfather when his grandfather was an old man, who supposedly heard it from the Egyptians. I think that’s right.