I get email


Oh, no! Neal’s comments haven’t been getting through, so he sent me a friendly email message to let me know.

(By the way, the filters have been acting up in a horrible way lately — about 10% of the comments have been held up for moderation when they shouldn’t, and it’s irritating the heck out of me. I go in and approve broad swathes of arrested comments whenever I can, but it means sometimes your words get held up unnecessarily long.)

Warning: you might find these comments inoffensive if you are a longshoreman or attended Catholic school. Otherwise, watch out. Some of you know Neal by reputation, so you know what to expect.

These were sent to me from an account with the name “Marsha Jurgenson”; I suspect Neal might be using his mommy’s computer or something.

meyer, you chickenshit

Meyer,

You continue to edit out my posts on your stupid-ass forum. You (and you at least intuitively know this) are on the proverbial “sinking ship”. You are either naiive or stupid, or even both, if you are honestly proclaiming that the darwinistic philosophical VASTLY, INCREDIBLY UNSUSTANTIATED (with REAL scientific data) proclomations have any kind of even fucking micro minute (to the hundreds of power) significant explanitory ability in explaining how the living ecosystems we (GOD DAMN IT , THE VIRTUALLY UNEXPLAINED WE!!!!!!!!!! YOU BELLIGERANT FUCK-HEAD) can observe at this point in (by the way, where the fuck did ‘TIME” COME FROM YOU ARROGANT FUCKING JACKASS”) time. (you pencil dick shithead). I know you and your sympathizers are ON THE GOD DAMNED ROPES and are being fucking (proverbally) punched all over the ring. Just listen to anything Richard (the god of the macro-evolutionary paradign) has to say in public anymore. He has to rely on a bunch of fucking irrelevant non-scientific rhetoric in order to even stay in any kind of legitimate scientifically relevant discussion on the matter. After all he has on his side the momentum of the philosophical assertions that have been force fed and rammed down the publics throats for so many years that I am sure he must be trying, just like you, you dickhead, to profit off of that “momentum” of this RAPIDLY dissolving conglomeration of unsubstatianted claims (based on presuppositional preferences of it’s major constituancies. (you stupid ass) ) before it becomes apparent to (the ignorant) masses that they have been duped by your pathetic ilk. Look, I understand you desire to profit off of something you are passionate about and is consistent with your day to day activities. But when you insist on (for whatever reasons) perpetuating the VASTLY UNSUBSTANTIATED BULLSHIT regarding “chemicals to ecosystems” then, my friend, you have stepped into an infinitely vast pile of shit you can not even remotely pull out of. you dumb fuck.

My e-mail address is called annonymousranter@hotmail.com. Ironic, isn’t it? I call myself a “ranter” despite the “rantings” of you ilk!!!!!!!!!!!
I look forward to talking with you regarding your positions.

Meyer,

I would look forward to some sort of debate with you

Nisbet? Matt Nisbet? Is that you?

I love the way he segues from veins-bulging, eye-popping, red-faced online screaming to “I look forward to talking with you…”.

Neal continuation

Oh, by the way (you prick!!!!!!!) I haven’t a clue whether there is a god ore any kind of “superior being”. And I can tell you, I am sick and fucking tired of assholes like you (and the vastly self proclaiming superior “god” of macro-e, one most majestic Sir Richard Dawkins (God what a master at poetry, linguistic convention and iconoclastic assertions!!!!!!! look it up dumb-shit) using his social fucking position (without any kind of REASONABLE SCIENTIFIC SUPPORT) to promote his mostly philosophical claims in defense of (for the sake of some sort of scientificially viable reason, which we have not been able to discover ) his personal preferences!!! And he uses his position of (Jessus, i have to give you my honest opioion) what i could imagine many feel to be an extremely over-exaggerated self exaltation (in an extremely biased position trying to support his beloved personal philosophical god damed positions, which has fucking nothing to do with science!!!!!!!! you dumb fuck!!!!!!!)

Look you prickhead, contact me at annonymousranter@hotmail.com and we can engage in meaningful discussion. You don’t have to make it public as you have by fiat declaration eliminated my comments from public observation on your forum. i have many suggestions and comments, but, as a reasonably “fair” individual would invite your opinions.

All right, someone take away his coffee, stat.

Comments

  1. George Cauldron says

    I’m saddened to see that Neal’s mom still isn’t doing anything for his Tourette’s.

  2. Amanda says

    No “reasonably fair” person uses that many exclamation marks, or curses that often when trying to make a point. Anonymousranter is definitely unhinged.

  3. kevinj says

    why if he is sick of you does he want you to contact him?
    also call me cynical, but i am not sure you will get a meaningful discussion although hopefully some italics and colours will kick in (mass caplock on its own is so boring).

  4. waldteufel says

    Thanks for posting Neal’s very learned and reasoned treatise.
    Gee, I’m gonna throw away my entire science library and just soak up all the knowledge that Neal can favor me with.

    Ain’t he swell? Do you think he lives in his mommy’s basement? Maybe he shares a basement with DaveScot or Sal.

  5. uknesvuinng says

    Well, someone wears underpants on his head, and it seems to make it very difficult for him to spell.

  6. Ichthyic says

    Neal has shown nothing but that he is seriously disturbed and needs some help, like YESTERDAY.

    if he really did give you contact info, suggest you pass along some places where he might seek treatment.

    and that’s a completely serious suggestion.

  7. jeffox backtrollin' says

    Now, now, people. Neal might seem like an oversized Rott on meth; but, in real life, he’s actually a midget tribble who gets a little tipsy now and again. :) :)

    Step and scrape, Dr. Myers. My 2c. :)

  8. LanceR says

    I love it. I’ve finally found someone who uses more parentheses than I do (in my head, mostly… I once had an entire internal conversation in nested parentheses…(Is it a bad sign that I actually envisioned each one in my head? And then had to make sure I closed each one?(It’s not good when geekery meets Journalism/English majordom.)))

  9. Jason Failes says

    Does he really hope to gain converts this way?

    Before he slams the biological opinions yourself, Dawkins etc as “VASTLY, INCREDIBLY UNSUSTANTIATED”, he might want to do a little research. Previous to becaming an anti-theistic pundit, Dawkins wrote a number of almost purely scientific books that could make evolution clear to just about anyone. If he hates Dawkins that much, however, he could try starting with Rice’s Encyclopedia of Evolution.

    And PS, if it is our ship that is sinking, our side that is battered in the ring, our side that is making “UNSUSTANIATED” claims, why are you the one yelling, why are you the one offering insults instead of info, why are you the one who seems to be….panicking?

  10. sailor says

    If he could say all that really fast, and go on for about another five minutes it might make a sort of low class-cabaret act.

  11. Wrought says

    The swearing is funny. The insinuation that I’m an atheist because I’ve fallen for Dawkins’ and Myers’ rhetoric is offensive. I love the material these guys produce BECAUSE I’m an atheist.

  12. Eisnel says

    Wonderful! That was slightly more than the daily recommended dosage of crazy, but it tasted so good.

    However, I don’t think reading annonymousranter’s words does him justice. This guy should videotape his diatribes for YouTube. I want to experience the face twitches and showers of spittle that must necessarily accompany his rants.

  13. Annapolitan says

    Don’t spam filters use some sort of algorithm for screeds like this? If your email exceeds a certain certain ratio of exclamation points!!!!! and CAPSLOCK SWEARING to normal text, it gets canned.

    A screed screener.

  14. Boko999 says

    Hey! That guy was plagarizing me. Change Dawkins to Behe and you have a post I sent to Kent Hovid.
    In my defense I’d like point I was on tequila and acid.

  15. Ben says

    Did he really switch to Comic Sans for the last sentence of the first letter, or was that done for comedic effect?

  16. Ben says

    I quit reading because it was getting boring after the first four expletives… but I have to say he did a nice job with the Comic Sans Serif to bring out the “I would look forward to some sort of debate with you” bit.

    Typical unnecessary use of multiple fonts/formats… but surprising he held out until the end.

  17. Jsn says

    Oh, what a little Depakote and Risperdal would do for Neal. Or perhaps, a spanking or two when he was a wee brat in full tantrum…

  18. Todd says

    “!!!!!!” ( !!!!), !!!!!!!!!!!!

    There is a direct correlation between the number of parentheses, quotes, and exclamation points used in a post and the level of insanity of the writer.

  19. Rick Schauer says

    This guy is obviously very angry.

    I felt the same way when I realized I was lied to my whole life by my parents, relatives and other “nice” but uninformed people about the existance of god and bible stories.

    There is help, it’s called logic…and I think the APA website does a nice job of it:

    “Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it’s justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is “not out to get you,” you’re just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. Do this each time you feel anger getting the best of you, and it’ll help you get a more balanced perspective. Angry people tend to demand things: fairness, appreciation, agreement, willingness to do things their way. Everyone wants these things, and we are all hurt and disappointed when we don’t get them, but angry people demand them, and when their demands aren’t met, their disappointment becomes anger. As part of their cognitive restructuring, angry people need to become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. In other words, saying, “I would like” something is healthier than saying, “I demand” or “I must have” something. When you’re unable to get what you want, you will experience the normal reactions–frustration, disappointment, hurt–but not anger. Some angry people use this anger as a way to avoid feeling hurt, but that doesn’t mean the hurt goes away. (2007, APA, http://www.apa.org/topics/controlanger.html)

  20. Ben (the second one) says

    Wow! Another ‘Ben’ was posting a comment about the Comic Sans at almost exactly the same time I was.

    My improbability drive is in full working order…

  21. deadman_932 says

    Hah! All you amateurish trolls should take note — Neal’s rant is the mark of the sort of polished, professional, high-octane crazy that you can all aspire to.

  22. says

    Why even waste the time on such a nitwit? When I get that kind of crap on my blog I just delete it. They can complain, etc. but if you can’t form a legitimate argument don’t bother to comment on my blog.

  23. says

    There’s a “social fucking position”? How’d I miss that one? I mean, maybe it’s going on all around me and I’ve been looking right through it then.

    And “god damed positions”? Wow. That sounds positively heavenly.

    “THE VIRTUALLY UNEXPLAINED WE!!!!!!!!!!”
    Reminds me, I’ll have to dig out that old !!! CD.

  24. Angry Geologist says

    Wow- capslock, swearing, and multiple exclamation points. He gets the internet asshat trifecta. Bonus points for actually thinking you’re going to respond to something like that.

  25. says

    Speaking as a lapsed Catholic longshoreman, that was tame. Didn’t raise a smile. Then I thought about Hovind being chased around the shower block by a huge bloke who’s missed his last five conjugals and I fell off my chair laughing.

  26. Micah says

    “Yeah PZ, when are you going to stop to profiting “off of” evolution. You already have your trophy wife, what more do you want?”

    In honor of The Office starting up again soon, I think he probably wants what Dwight Schrute does – to be co-running a bed and breakfast in hell. With Satan. For $80,000 a year. If that’s not profiting off evolution, I don’t know what is.

  27. AlanWCan says

    But it would have been perfect if he’d complained about how ANGRY all those atheists are (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). Although I especially liked the exaptation of the word “fucking” as a word delimiter. It was definitely a curse-delimited conversation.

  28. says

    Poor man.

    Come on guys. Show some sympathy. Someone wipe the foam off his lips and make sure that straight-jacket isn’t cutting off his circulation. It’s obvious the guy is suffering.

  29. Steve_C says

    ANOTHER CRAZY FUCKING ENGINEER!!!!!!

    What a psycho. He should put his head back down on the bar and go back to sleep.

  30. Beth says

    Yeah PZ, where did time come from? Only God can explain time and that disproves all your “darwinistic philosophical proclomations”.

    Sheesh, the crazy might be catching.

  31. JM Ridlon says

    I know this guy, he used to post on the “ID The Future Podcast” comments. This person is completely nuts.

  32. Wicked Lad says

    Zeno wrote,

    straitjacket

    Gotta wonder about anyone who knows how to spell “straitjacket.”

  33. Central Casting says

    It’s (mental) typecasting, yes, but I picture imagine Dennis Hopper delivering this sublime diatribe and it makes me laugh.

  34. Azkyroth says

    “THE VIRTUALLY UNEXPLAINED WE!!!!!!!!!!”

    Well, being ignorant of the meaning and usage of pronouns is perfectly consistent with the command of the English language he’s displayed.

  35. says

    capslock, swearing, and multiple exclamation points

    I still miss the creative coloring of various part of the text. That would put him on par with The Office of the Messiah.

  36. Central Casting says

    Clearly I spent too much time imagining (and picturing) possible words to describe my imaginings and picturings.

  37. Patrick says


    Thanks, that was incredibly entertaining!!!!!!eleventyonethousand. The parenthetical expletives take the cake. Good trolling.

  38. Lars says

    …you might find these comments inoffensive if you… attended Catholic school…

    God, you nailed that one. Made me all nostalgic for my old Jesuit high school, for about a femtosecond.

  39. says

    I have to admit that “YOU BELLIGERANT FUCK-HEAD” is either brilliant satire or utter mental implosion.

    Now all I have to do is figure out if I care a *bleep* which it is.

  40. says

    (could someone (a person other the me (no one of consequence (not my real name!)))possibly(maybe(by chance(oh wait, only darwinist believe in chance (oh wait, that’s me(no one of consequence (not my real name!)))))) decipher(deobfuscate(make clearer)) the parenthetical(stuff in parenthesis(those curly things(sometimes called brackets(although I tend to think of ({} and []) as brackets)))) comments he was making)

    Damn, I lost my train of thought in all those parenthesis.

  41. TheBlackCat says

    Can someone please explain to me how to use “fucking micro minute” as a measure of “explanitory ability”? “micro minute” is a measure of time, but including the “fucking” seems to convert it into a measurement unit I am not familiar with. I assume it is not a standard SI unit, but I thought I was familiar with most of the accepted non-standard SI units.

    And I would also like to point out, as if there weren’t problems enough with this rant, that he does not close his parentheses in the second paragraph.

  42. mk says

    someone wears underpants on his head Yikes! Time to clean the coke off the monitor and the keyboard. I see a med chack in this kid’s future. Thanks for the day brightener, PZ.

  43. AlanWCan says

    Didn’t he do well? What are the scores on the doors?

    0.6 timecubes!

    Seems like a nice boy! Show in our next guest Isla…

  44. Your Name's Not Bruce? says

    So, when was Dawkins knighted? How is it Neal finds out and we’re left in the dark? He must have some connections in the palace, eh? By the way, anyone tell Dawkins yet? It would only be polite that he know that he can now call himself “Sir Richard”.

  45. DCP says

    Am I the only one or don’t you guys also think that Neal’s e-mails should be illustraited with MSPaint? That’d be awesome.

  46. says

    He’s stupid.

    And he doesn’t even swear all that well.

    My dad could string together a paragraph of putrescence in four separate languages in iambic pentameter and an ABAB rhyming scheme. Spending any time with him was like 8 Mile set to a 50s soundtrack.

    I prefer a more direct approach: no more than two languages per sentence, and a punchy, syncopated cadence for effect:

    Ai gamisou Neal, you fucking malaka! Hijo de puta: yob tvoyu mat!

    I weep for the Christians of today.

  47. Ichthyic says

    what’s even funnier, is that in his first post on Pharyngula, he actually did spell PZ’s last name correctly.

    these things must be pointed out, for the record.

    :p

  48. says

    Man… Just think how cool it would be if he could find a multiple underlining font to really, more accurately, showcase his madness.

  49. DCP says

    Ai gamisou Neal, you fucking malaka! Hijo de puta: yob tvoyu mat!

    Greek, English, Spanish and Russian?

  50. says

    Ai gamisou Neal, you fucking malaka! Hijo de puta: yob tvoyu mat!

    Greek, English, Spanish and Russian?

    Just showing Neal what can be done with a brain that’s not still running on leaded gasoline.

  51. TheJerrylander says

    I still don’t quite get what these people are thinking when they write those mails…
    Obviously, the answer would be that they are really not thinking… but I find it hard to believe that a single person can put so much time and effort into writing so much nonsense as Neal does, and not start thinking that actually hitting the post or send button would be a colossally bad idea.

    So far, the best answer to this conundrum I have been able to come up with, is that someone just coded a generator that churns out this kind of rambling creationist BS.

    Or am I just too isolated from these kind of people in my little academic ivory tower???

  52. says

    Could we get that as a podcast, please?
    Or at least an audio file?

    Is it’s actually posibwl Too Record Neal’s LEARNED rant (by which I mean (BUT WHAT Neal menz not) the ABOVE (IS FUCKING KNOWN!!!!) e-male!!) without braking OUT INN GIGGLES!!?!????!!!!

  53. jimmiraybob says

    Zeno wrote,

    straitjacket

    Gotta wonder about anyone who knows how to spell “straitjacket.”
    Posted by: Wicked Lad

    Zeno, no shortcuts. Please show all of your work for full credit.

  54. Gelf says

    Well I’ll be damned… this post has finally made me realize why I should have remained a Christian. See, this is exactly the sort of situation where the ability to condescendingly offer to pray for somebody comes in handy.

  55. jimmiraybob says

    PZ – On a serious note, you should find someone willing to put in the time to help you edit these rants into a creationist book of poetry. It shouldn’t take too much – I wouldn’t change a thing about that one. talk about forging new frontiers. I’ll pledge to buy a dozen or two of the first edition. What a great Christmas gift.

  56. Anuminous says

    Just out of curiosity, Brownian, I find myself wondering if ёб твою́ мать and μαλάκα will display properly. If you are going to invoke multilingual swears, after all…

  57. tsg says

    Can someone please explain to me how to use “fucking micro minute” as a measure of “explanitory ability”?

    I made the same mistake the first time through. It’s not “micro MIN-et”, it’s “micro me-NOOT”. As in really, really, very small. Not that it’s any more correct, but at least it makes slightly more sense.

  58. says

    Just out of curiosity, Brownian, I find myself wondering if ёб твою́ мать and μαλάκα will display properly. If you are going to invoke multilingual swears, after all…

    I wondered that myself, but didn’t want to chance it for fear of an unintelligible post full of those little squares.

    I believe Kseniya is the resident expert on posting in Cyrillic ’round here.

  59. says

    jimmiraybob:

    Zeno wrote,

    straitjacket

    Gotta wonder about anyone who knows how to spell “straitjacket.”
    Posted by: Wicked Lad

    Zeno, no shortcuts. Please show all of your work for full credit.

    I naturally assumed everyone here would recognize the subtle reference to the gospel of Matthew in the KJV:

    Matthew 7:13: Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat

    This indicates quite clearly that a straitjacket is a garment for religious people. QED

  60. Madam Pomfrey says

    Actually his middle-school MO is fundamentally no different from all the other cretinists: flares of anger against the “class brains,” hatred of teachers/professors, playing the phony rebel while jumping up and down trying to get the “important people” to please, pleeeeeease, pay attention to him.

  61. Brachychiton says

    Am wiping tears of laughter from my eyes as I type this.

    Can someone give Neal a regular gig? I love that almost metronomic swing from caps lock invective to something approaching normality back to caps lock again.

    The Piss and the Pendulum, anyone?

  62. JakeS says

    Classic Neal! He’s brilliant! I love his work! Not just the caps and !!!s, but I love the way that half of his open parenthesis and quotations don’t have a closer. The profanity is just icing on the cake. The way he refuses to address any request for evidence or elaborations and just repeats himself…pure genius! I love the rants about hopeless philosophy being crammed down throats and the presumption that evolutionary biologists are cashing in big time. I admire he’s spirit. He keeps throwing himself against a wall thinking it will come tumbling down any minute. The good news is that he is probably young enough that he’s not as stuck in his belifs, and if he does this long enough some bit of rationality will stick. Either that or he will get bored with this game and go away. Either way, I like Neal. He’s fun.

  63. Brain Hertz says

    classic…

    I particularly like the appearance of “you dumb fuck” as a freestanding sentence tacked on to the end of the first paragraph.

  64. MAJeff says

    Neal’s emails make me think Ram’s monkeys got ahold of a computer. Hell, if they can build a bridge, why wouldn’t they be able to type?

  65. Denis Loubet says

    I like the start of the rant best, you can see the ideas climbing over each other to be first-out, and new thoughts barging forward before the old ones are completely verbalized. It’s all straight from his head to the paper. There’s no self consciousness, no self editing, all just raw dementia.

    Wow.

  66. Kseniya says

    Wow.
    Wowowowowow.

    I do have to wonder if there’s an upper bound on the timecube scale. It is possible to reach (or exceed) 1.0 Tc’s without achieving infinite density? Is this a physics question, or a psychology question?

    Help.

    Meeee.

  67. QueenFrostine says

    I think Neal’s actually writing a song. It’s sort of like Simon and Garfunkel’s version of “Scarborough Fair,” where one person’s lyrics are in regular sentences and the other person’s are inside the parentheses, and they both sing at the same time. The parentheticals are actually the voices in his head singing backup.

  68. says

    Has he read the studies? Examined the evidence or the theory? Does he even know what Natural Selection and Evolution is?

    How can anyone look at the mass of accumulated data in support of Darwinian evolution and then turn around and say Darwinian claims are “unsustantiated?” (I am, of course, preserving his graceful spelling)

  69. tonyk says

    All I can think of are the quotes from the works of Terry Pratchett on exclamation point usage and the mental stability of the writer:

    “‘Multiple exclamation marks,’ he went on, shaking his head, ‘are a sure sign of a diseased mind.'”
    — in “Eric(Faust)”

    “Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.”
    — in “Reaper Man”

    “‘And all those exclamation marks, you notice? Five? A sure sign of someone who wears his underpants on his head.'”
    — in “Maskerade”

  70. jufulu, FCD says

    So, what I want to know is, Did he proof read what he typed before he pushed the post button? Visualize that for a moment. :)

  71. says

    He can turn capslock back off. He can change fonts. How come he can’t use spellcheck? I wonder what the emails would say if they were subjected to “the bible code”? How about if you put them into Babelfish, translated them into Korean and back? Oh, wait. . .

    Your U whom it spreads out li in three donkey forums the fact that it edits from my, point. It is you (with common saying which spreads out “in boat which sinks” at least intuition this egg ten:00 bedspreads). You to be honest and declaration to do, the naiive which it spreads out or U li three all, or to darwinistic philosophy ecosystem us who are living peel, explaining it is vast inside, severe is equal in possibility Ubs UNSUSTANTIATED (real scientific data) whom it will believe proclomations it is and micro small (in hundreds of forces) intention the multi thing and the both sides which are what kind of type of explanitory ability which is deep (the shoes Damn with actualness thing us! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 50001 it is severe thang “from with this by a sexual intercourse you of the donkey ‘ it decides a time” the hour (your pencil d Ij kshithead) when it spreads out in the place (but) the BELLIGERANTFUCK-HEAD) it will can observe now inside. Your and your sympathizer in the shoes DAMNED rope and (proverbally) the sexual intercourse which bores the ring general hole and being I is Iss. Anyone it hangs only but listen to Richard (the shoes of macro command evolution paradign) compared to above must talk inside air. He it has sexual intercourse, in the bunch is legitimate in situation and in order to stay scientific must lean an attache one nothing scientific rhetoric inside what kind of type of direct conversation which proper even is. To all side you it will be extensive that and that the continuous force which feeds there was a spirit of philosophy affirmation and lower part me of the like this many year for aerial throat it was positive and that, it administered justice only and the dickhead to hit after it will snap off multi, them by your Ilg it deceived, Myung Baeg Han (the low of solid color falls and) before becoming in mass, it is this rapidity and becoming the profit of writing “spirit” of the conglomeration which melts the demand which puts a foundation in it presuppositional preference the unsubstatianted (the constituancies. which is important (U whom it spreads out li three is the donkey)). You fall silence and under the desire your passion where becomes the profit approximately you or the fact that it is consistent with day activity, me it understands. But you (the thing, hazard)”the chemical product” it confronts to an ecosystem and it is vast and when the exaggeration which will not be given proof that time it endures making assert, you who my friend and spread out all reason float you and me it stepped with the pile which vast the human waste which will select a mute sexual intercourse distantly is infinite and is. My e-mail address calls as the annonymousranter@hotmail.com. Irony, it is not like that? Me you who call “in spite of even in” “rantings inside the r compared to as the r” Ilg! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! Me your location it confronts and with you it talks in the future it sees.

    See how it makes sense now?

  72. MAJeff says

    Warning: you might find these comments inoffensive if you are a longshoreman or attended Catholic school

    I’m doing my PhD at a Catholic School. I NEVER want to have this much contact with that church again. What a vile institution. I wasn’t anti-catholic until I spent time at Boston College.

    And I still swear more than Neal.

  73. says

    Wow, interesting…

    “I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU…
    I look forward to speaking with you.”

    Sounds like a scene from Spaceballs…

  74. yoyo says

    U (and i mean theat incinserely!!) get the nicest trolls!! Its that evil darwin theory of attraction (oh wait, was that sum otha evil skientist?!!) SATAN WILL OWN YORE HEART.

    Seriously, how come i only get spam for penis extenders and nigerian scams? It’s not fair!!! Must be Baronesses Dawkins fault!!!!!()

  75. Ichthyic says

    See how it makes sense now?

    unfortunately I actually tried to parse that, and I blame you for the loss of brain cells that ensued.

    you’ll be getting a bill from my lawyer.

    of course, I suppose I would have to sue Neal as well.

    *sigh*

    :p

  76. John Morales says

    Alison #99: I hold you responsible for my coughing fit (I’m recovering from a cold and laughing is painful).

    I’m wiping tears from my eyes as I write this.

  77. Grumpy says

    I know bad spelling is mandatory for fundie-kooks’ rants, but ‘Jessus’? If you can’t get the names of your imaginary friends right, what hope do you have?

  78. Learning says

    This was great comic relief. I’ve never laughed so much (or this hard, with tears and all) over anything I’ve ever read before.

    But on a serious note, PZ, consider a restraining order. This guy’s a lunatic.

  79. Just Al says

    Now, c’mon, everyone. It is beneath us to focus on the delivery and not the content. After all, if the evidence against evolution is strong enough to explete over it, we (the virulently unexploded we)) should be examining it more closely and trying to develop an honest opioion. Seriously.

    Henry Rollins (a modern-day philosopher) once said something along the lines of, “If you hate someone, you give that person a little piece of yourself,” and I think that means PZ owns this guy’s entire family, and most of what’s in the barn.

    Don’t look at the piglets too closely, though.

    But man, those rants were frothier than a root beer plant in an earthquake. Fetch the dart gun…

  80. uncle frogy says

    Neal poor man sounds like he needs his meds. adjusted or he should have not stopped taking them.
    may I suggest Haloperidol trade name Haldol
    or maybe Chlorpromazine trade name Thorazine.
    he does seem to be suffering form many symptoms that are indicated.

    take it easy dude your going to have a stroke getting so wound up. it is only ideas and facts they can’t touch you it is just words.

    the thing I find so strange is the way some people have to get so frenetic about what others think. how can my thoughts effect “their salvation”?

  81. Ray says

    re: #72 You must be pretty hard now- after being a-Nealed so many times.
    Posted by: paul | September 18, 2007 6:15 PM

    Actually I think annealing metals “softens” them.

    re: #99 Posted by: Alison

    To Korean and back again? Oh. My. Imaginary. God. I laughed so hard I cried. Thanks!

    Cheers,
    Ray

  82. demallien says

    Hmmm, I think Neal just moved on up into 3rd place on my list of abuses of parentheses. First on the list is of course Lisp, and even Neal can’t possibly aspire to that level of insanity. Second on the list is Proust, a very subtle form of parentheses abuses, where, after having written long sentences with multiple nested parantheses, the parentheses are actually removed. I don’t think Neal is up to that kind of subtlety though…

  83. says

    The original was masterful, but after being transKoreanized it approaches genius. Is it too late to nominate Alison and Neal for a joint Molly?

  84. Torbjörn Larsson, OM says

    Neal is an amusing part of the wave of creo commenters that currently visit Pharyngula, The Panda’s Thumb and Sandwalk. I think the intention is to make the rest of the IDiots look sane.

    Sorry, won’t work.

    Second on the list is Proust, a very subtle form of parentheses abuses, where, after having written long sentences with multiple nested parantheses, the parentheses are actually removed.

    Reminds me of a business letter I once saw, consisting of three sentences, all nested. With one consisting the bulk of the page-long letter. Perhaps that business man would have made Proust proud.

  85. Torbjörn Larsson, OM says

    Neal is an amusing part of the wave of creo commenters that currently visit Pharyngula, The Panda’s Thumb and Sandwalk. I think the intention is to make the rest of the IDiots look sane.

    Sorry, won’t work.

    Second on the list is Proust, a very subtle form of parentheses abuses, where, after having written long sentences with multiple nested parantheses, the parentheses are actually removed.

    Reminds me of a business letter I once saw, consisting of three sentences, all nested. With one consisting the bulk of the page-long letter. Perhaps that business man would have made Proust proud.

  86. Ichthyic says

    Is it possible that Neal has so much entertainment value that he will escape the dungeon in order to be the new court jester?

    I don’t see him in the dungeon at the moment…

  87. Ken Mareld says

    Too much coffee?
    Rantings of a whiskey besmirched mind?
    How about Oxy-contin (Rush Limbaugh)? That is one drug that that really promotes the spewing of angry venom. It does a great job of controlling physical pain, but gets you really pissed off at anything and everything in the world. Doesn’t meth do that to (Ted Haggard)?

  88. Ichthyic says

    That is one drug that that really promotes the spewing of angry venom.

    interesting.

    do you recall where you picked up that info from?

    I want to use it in an argument with the diehard Limbaugh fans I run into commonly where I live currently.

  89. Man of Science says

    I remember reading an article about graffiti once, and one of the best graffiti quotes mentioned has always stuck in my mind. I feel it’s a perfect comment here:

    “Profanity is the literary crutch of an inarticulate motherfucker.”

  90. CortxVortx says

    Re: #37 “I WANNA HOLLER THE LOUD FUNNY WORDS!”

    points for Ren & Stimpy reference!

    Re: #67 “…yob tvoyu mat!”

    Dermo! That was funny!

    Re: #94 “The parentheticals are actually the voices in his head singing backup.”

    Oh! My aching side! This is the most insightful comment yet! Thanks, QueenF!

    Re: #96 Thanks for clueing me into the underpants reference of #9.

    Now, it’s off to lunch at Long John Silver’s for “Talk Like a Pirate” Day.

    — CV

  91. David Marjanović says

    what’s even funnier, is that in his first post on Pharyngula, he actually did spell PZ’s last name correctly.

    I told you that was a typo.

    P.S.: I, too, knew how to spell straitjacket. But I’m not a native speaker. Do I count? (I also have no clue about its etymology…)

    I do have to wonder if there’s an upper bound on the timecube scale. It is possible to reach (or exceed) 1.0 Tc’s without achieving infinite density?

    That depends on whether you consider timecube.com a singularity of insanity or not. I take it for granted that the original has 1.0 Tc.

    (Thanks for the abbreviation. I told you I was going to nominate you for Molly next time.)

    He can change fonts.

    Can he? MSIE 7 displays the whole e-mail in Comic Sans. But then, perhaps Microsoft has a proprietary insanity detector.

    Reminds me of a business letter I once saw, consisting of three sentences, all nested. With one consisting the bulk of the page-long letter.

    And it wasn’t even in German?

  92. David Marjanović says

    what’s even funnier, is that in his first post on Pharyngula, he actually did spell PZ’s last name correctly.

    I told you that was a typo.

    P.S.: I, too, knew how to spell straitjacket. But I’m not a native speaker. Do I count? (I also have no clue about its etymology…)

    I do have to wonder if there’s an upper bound on the timecube scale. It is possible to reach (or exceed) 1.0 Tc’s without achieving infinite density?

    That depends on whether you consider timecube.com a singularity of insanity or not. I take it for granted that the original has 1.0 Tc.

    (Thanks for the abbreviation. I told you I was going to nominate you for Molly next time.)

    He can change fonts.

    Can he? MSIE 7 displays the whole e-mail in Comic Sans. But then, perhaps Microsoft has a proprietary insanity detector.

    Reminds me of a business letter I once saw, consisting of three sentences, all nested. With one consisting the bulk of the page-long letter.

    And it wasn’t even in German?

  93. David Marjanović says

    Argh, stupid me, writing the P.S. first and then forgetting to move it to the bottom…

  94. David Marjanović says

    Argh, stupid me, writing the P.S. first and then forgetting to move it to the bottom…

  95. JohnnieCanuck, FCD says

    Of all the great humour here, Wicked Lad’s comment stands out the most.

    Just so you don’t gotta wonder about me, I’m the kind of person that would go to the Merriam-Webster site (m-w.com) and check the spelling.

    Turns out that straightjacket is an accepted variant.

    I couldn’t stand to read more than a line or two from Neal, but thanks to him, I get to appreciate all the fine wits who responded.

  96. Torbjörn Larsson, OM says

    David, IIRC it was in swedish by a swede. But I have a vague memory that it was a swede that had immigrated from Germany.

  97. Torbjörn Larsson, OM says

    David, IIRC it was in swedish by a swede. But I have a vague memory that it was a swede that had immigrated from Germany.

  98. says

    TheBlackCat: Perhaps the “fucking microminute” is a unit of psychological time dilation experienced at orgasm. Or, in this case, head exploding.

    TheJerrylander: What field are you in?

    Anuminous: The Greek did, the rest didn’t.

    Kseniya: Yes.

  99. Pau-hana says

    Before Robert Crowther turned off comments on “ID the Future” last month, I parrotted one of Neal’s previous posts under another name. Neal jumped in with a reply, and disagreed with some of his own comments.

    So consistency is another virtue that appears to be beyond Neal’s understanding. One might have thought that he would at least have recognized his own words….