I have a daughter of marriageable age, and here is a useful service:
Marry Our Daughter is an introduction service assisting those following the Biblical tradition of arranging marriages for their daughters.
Those who wish to list their Daughters with our site should click on SIGN UP OUR DAUGHTER on our main page for a form to fill out.
Those who wish to propose to a specific Daughter should click on the PROPOSE button on the Daughter’s INFO CARD.
Each entry has a single snapshot, a short one-paragraph blurb, a link to let someone propose, and a bride price (it’s biblically justified!), which seems to vary between $4K and $100K. You can pick up a cute 14 year old girl for only about $8K. I don’t quite see how they set the prices, and suspect it must be like selling horses — the budget girls must have some ungodly flaws, while the high prices represents the parents’ perception of their own bloodline.
Alas, though, I don’t think an uppity godless girl could fetch anywhere that sum, so it hardly seems worth the effort. Also, the testimonials might make one a wee bit suspicious that one’s leg is being tugged upon.
Hey! On the first page the cheapest one is the girl going off to college.
The writing styles of all the ads are really similar; I’m guessing this is a prank.
… Maybe I’ll click “propose” to find out.
I’m guessing they’ll have to reject my proposal when I tell them my gender, though. Or do you think they’ll take my money but only allow me a civil union?
Unfortunately, the attempt by you and your Trophy Wife to sell off Skatje for what would no doubt be an enormous fortune is hampered by the fact that the the site is indeed a hoax.
I dunno, PZ. It all depends on how you describe her. Personally, I wouldn’t want my 14-year-old-bride to be too mainstream. She might want to go to the mall instead of being tied up in my basement. And uppity is good; I likes when they scream.
Ok, that was too twisted even for me. Seriously, I dearly hope it’s a sting operation of some sort.
OF COURSE this is parody, people. It shouldn’t even be a question. It looks like something The Onion would put together.
Snopes.com has already revealed that this is a hoax. I would post a link, but that website locks up the computer I’m currently using. It’s under, “What’s new”.
Hang on PZ – you used “ungodly” again like it’s a problem (a couple of days ago you said that you used to have an “ungodly commute”). I’m seriously concerned that your freethinking is slipping and you are using a test of godly/ungodly.
Having said that, perhaps if a girl on this site is in fact ungodly that would be a major flaw.
So do the official position statements of many genuine conservative Christian organizations.
And because they’re using the biblical version of women as chattel they’ll get away with this.
Next thing you know they’ll be advocating slavery again.
Don’t bother trying to find anyone for Skatje there. She carries an ancestral flaw which will prevent her producing Christian babies, so her sale price won’t cover shipping and handling.
Thank you Snopes.com! Am sure that there are specialized or hidden web sites that actually do this type of “service.”
So where would be the outcry if this were for “boys” instead of “girls?” hmmmmmmm?
Ya know, prejudice runs deep, no matter where we blog……
Ewww. Please tell me this is a joke.
Parody? What’s that?
Tony P: Next thing you know they’ll be advocating slavery again.
They do. They use the term “Good Christian Wife” (“Good Mormon Wife” if you actually *do* want to keep her in chains in the basement).
Umm a quick snopes turns it up as a hoax. Heres the last few lines
The site’s primary purpose is pretty obviously to pull some legs and yank some chains. And in fact, the site’s creator, John Ordover (who has conducted a number of radio interviews in which he pretended to be the site’s fictional publicity director, “Roger Mandervan”), has acknowledged that he did indeed set up MarryOurDaughter.com as a parody intended to draw attention to inconsistencies in state marriage laws.
The URL for the snopes page is http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/marryourdaughter.asp
Hey! The most expensive girl on the first page is Kristin, who is described as “a bit fiery but worth it.” (She’s a redhead, too!)
What could be more “fiery” than an atheist just needing to be tamed for the Lord?
Besides, once Skatje’s done with that one, you can sell her again … assuming you’re still around.
I have to admit, I was suckered – though I did have an inkling of doubt on the testimonials page.
“Our 15 year old daughter Mary wasn’t very popular and did nothing but mope around the house bringing everybody down, so we decided to marry her off through your site. Now our house is a lot cheerier and we love our new swimming pool and Jaccuzi! We’ve told our youngest that when she turns 15 we’re going to marry her off too!”
–Mrs. James P.
I couldn’t find a place to click “barter”. Do you think they take barter? i have a large garage that would make a super strip-mall church, and plenty of parking too. I’d be willing to let it go for that redhead, or maybe a less-expensive blonde if I could keep some of the parking.
I’ve met Skatje. PZ will be a cattle baron after this deal.
Just remember, the trick to surviving in this system is to marry your daughter off before it’s time to find a bride for your son. A man who is impoverished from finding a bride for his son is not going to get a good price for his daughter. But a man who is wealthy in cattle from marrying off his daughter will surely find a good wife for his son and remain a big man in the village.
Yeah. You’d have to seriously dumb-down your daughter to sell her into marriage. As she is now, she’d just melt the brains of anyone silly enough to expect her to be a good Christian housewife.
It’d be pretty easy to shut a site like that down by either false-bidding or offering false girls for sale. I have some pictures of pretty young girls; maybe I should offer them for sale. Take a downpayment and off I go!
Who’d pay $thousands for those poor girls? Their brains have probably been addled by religious indoctrination. Although if someone wanted to buy me a couple of them, I’d promise to do my best to un-indoctrinate them.
slightly OT…
PZ,
there seems to be something wrong with your “Mr Gumby” code. It isn’t rendering properly on either Safari or IE (haven’t tried recently on Firefox). It now shows just one copy of the image in the top left corner instead of a tiled pattern. I don’t think it’s just me; I’ve seen it on more than one machine.
The NY Times reported it as a hoax as well: http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/09/11/please-dont-marry-our-daughters/
aiabx @9:
She carries an ancestral flaw which will prevent her producing Christian babies
You mean “babies of Christian parents”, surely?
The change in Mr Gumby was intentional — some readers complained that it made the text too hard to read, and it was easier to tweak that than to tell the whole world to match the gamma of their displays to mine.
Even though mine is better.
Right-o, John, but of course there’s also the Skin Game plan (I’m in the James Garner role, obviously).
At least, that would be the case if this weren’t a hoax. Once again, the understatement in my last paragraph has failed to register for some people.
Well, the site may be parody, but the Google ads? All REAL!
You could have told them to swipe the text with the mouse to highlight it and thus make it completely distinct from the background for reading.
Pretty funny parody with AdSense strategically placed and blended… I bet the guy who came up with this is making a few bucks off it.
Alas, though, I don’t think an uppity godless girl could fetch anywhere that sum
Unless it’s an uppity godless guy who’s buying.
Mind you, the other way applies too. I suspect there might be uppity godless guys who would want to liberate an Oppressed Christian Girl in the same way that British officers sometimes used to marry the widows they rescued from suttee (some of whom had been married off young to crumbly village elders, and were still quite a catch). Or there might be an Oppressed Christian Guy who sees marrying an uppity godless girl as a way out of the slavery he’s only just begun to perceive being locked into.
So where would be the outcry if this were for “boys” instead of “girls?” hmmmmmmm?
So long as it was trying to find good Christian husbands for their Christian daughters, no outcry at all, but I know what you mean.
Were there dowry demands at all? (I know that’s not regarded as a feature of Christian marriages so much as others, but it might still happen.)
PZ, Skatje’s blog is prettier than yours.
PZ Forget it. The girl that had “unchristian ideas” only went for 5g. Skatje is an atheist. Not only that she is an atheist organizer. in this cultural setting I doubt you would get the price of a good hair cut. You could try selling the trophy wife in the second hand section though.
I’m interested. How much are you asking?
Hah. You haven’t seen the Skin Game, have you?
I just want to point this out. I am not that Janine. Yeah, I know, the site is a joke. But some jokes are real.
Yes I have skin game, but what makes you think after they get a taste of a manly Christian who is willing to pay 30 G, they will want to return to you?
PZ, I dare you to try to sell Skatje. She’d separate you into your component organs and sell them on the black market. But that’s just cause you raised her right, so it’s not all bad. And really, almost half the judges in the country would see it as justified, so she might not even spend much time in jail for it.
It’s a hoax?! Blast!
Now what am I going to do with all these foreskins?
Actually, my first thought was that the site was bait set out by some county sheriff in Florida, fishing for pederasts.
If you really want to retire to an estate on the Riveria, PZ, explore the market for being owned BY Skatje.
Problem will be weeding out the Republicans….
Maybe you could promote it as a feature?
New! Now Pharyngula includes a free gamma correction calibration tool!
It may be a lot like selling horses but the prices are cheaper, check out keeneland this week.
Dr Myers,
Whether that website a scam or not doesn’t change the issue with your attractive and by appearances fertile daughter. Assuming your offer of her hand is sincere could you ask her how she would feel about relocating to Freehold, Iowa?
Oh, tell your daughter to give it a try. When her new (older) husband can buy her “a house and a car and jewelery” and pays a bride price high enough for you and your trophy wife to buy a house that trees aren’t falling on all the time — then she’ll see. Ask her how she’d like her own credit card. They come around, at least by the time they’ve got a couple babies.
I meant what I said. Her grandparents failed to create Christian babies, her parents failed to create Christian babies, it’s obvious that there’s a missing gene in the family which will render it impossible for her to spawn Christian babies as well. It’s even possible that if she mates with a Christian, the offspring will be sterile hybrids. If I were a good Christian man, I wouldn’t dream of buying her for my son.
I’ve been meaning to stock up — the old lady is turning 19 soon and I’ll be needing someone new to take her place.
Just kidding! Girls have cooties!
PZ:
You know, is I were in your shoes I’d make darn sure that this didn’t come with a companion service called Bury My Father. I’m just saying. She sounds like the wrong kind of young lady to cross…..:)
I’ll buy your daughter from you, PZ. I’ll put her to work cooking and cleaning, and she can sleep in the barn out back. How’s that? Very biblical.
Is the world ready for mail order husbands?
I checked out that site, and the first entry was girl who’s only 14 years old. Isn’t Warren Jeffs on trial for exactly this kind of shit as we speak?
Oh, who’s got the e-mail address for the FBI to make a report?
-jcr
Yes, when this site was first pointed out on Neurotopia, that was also my thought–slightly re-enforced by an examination of the site’s source code, which is professional and (then) without any clew as to who wrote it.
Some of the descriptions are hilarious!
I like Samantha, who can “hold her own in a cussing contest” but wants to be treated like “the young lady she really is”.
Classic!
Once again, the understatement in my last paragraph has failed to register for some people.
Well, you have to admit – reality is getting awfully hard to parody. It’s reached the point where I really had to look at this site the other day to try to figure out if it was a legitimate website, a hoax, or a sting by some sheriff’s department to try to catch some really, really stupid criminals. (I settled on “hoax” after finding the testemonial page – those are hilarious).
However, I could honestly see someone seeing this site and thinking “hey – THAT’S a GREAT IDEA!” and setting up a real version themselves. That’s how hard reality has become to parody these days.
A hoax? Aw. And here I was thinking I could get me a wife with an A in Home Ec. Think of what she could cook for me once she gets home from school and finishes her homework!
Click on the link for the story on Snopes.com. The web sites owner/creator states he started this as a joke to “draw attention to inconsistencies in state marriage laws.”
http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/hoaxes/marryourdaughter.asp
If the creator of that site is smart, he’ll archive all of the proposals and sell it as a book. I bet it would be hilarious. I almost started to fill out a proposal form, but decided that I didn’t want my IP linked to any weirdness. Other than Pharyngula I mean.
“Our own Little Mermaid Katie Lynn swims like a fish and isn’t happy unless she’s getting wet!”
Anyone got 25k?