So it’s snowing, and my rather worn shoes got wet, and everywhere I walk I now hear this faint, hissy, squeaky noise.
Does it improve my image as a tough guy if I tell you that I’m imaging that I’m crushing baby mice between my toes as I walk? Discuss.
Ewww. Given that my shoes do the same thing when wet, and I have actually crushed a mouse underfoot when walking through my house, I am now feeling quite queasy.
I take that as a vote for “tough guy.”
I think shooting baby seals might be more effective.
I once killed a giant rat with a chopping knife in a fraternity kitchen.
I guess killing baby mice makes you more cruel, because like God you slaughter those who have no means of defense. But I’m not sure it makes you tough.
Xenophobe, you’re not supposed to shoot the baby seals, you’re supposed to club them. Hasn’t Paul McCartney taught you anything?
Nope, it’s hopeless. Your attempt to project a tough guy image has been effectively subverted by Karl Mogel’s comment that you remind him of Prof Steve Steve – can’t get much more cute and cuddly than that.
Maybe you should see if you can arrange for an interview with John Kasich – that might get you worked up enough in person that everyone could see your Inner Tough Guy.
It’s definitely not tough if you sound like you are wheezing while you walk. Or is it more a whistling mucus kind of sound.
Besides it’s way tougher to be silent like a ninja.
Does not sound random to me, but rather designed, as a post. Would it be you are the Intelligent Designer? From this post and about the mice, I would say so!
Are you channeling Kind Kong?
It’d only improve your tough guy image if I actually believed you.
That image certainly wouldn’t help you on Fox News.
Why don’t you tell people it is the sound of you crushing aborted fetuses, ‘no bigger than your thumb’ between your toes?
Garrett, Clubs – what kinda hoser are you? Ya use a hakapik, eh.
Cue Arthur Ewing and his Amazing Musical Mice:
With a video, you could have your own fetish site. Then you’d be rich, not tough, but that’s OK too.
Master Tang: Oh, again with the squeaky shoes.
Chosen One: Well, I’m gonna count to three, and if I hear one more friggin’ squeak, I’m gonna take his shoes, and shove em’ up his…
Beating baby bunnies to death with Bibles is pretty effective. Puppies with Torah scrolls. Dumping a truckload of L. Ron’s Dyanetics (sp?) on a litter of kittens. Pulverizing baby chicks with a Quhran. Statue of Ganish? Go get ’em!
My oh my. I do go on.
When I cut the mushrooms up just right, and when I have the pan just hot enough, and when I stir them at just the right speed, it sounds like a whole cage full of adult mice. In their death throes. Temporarily assuages my raging mysophobia.
Another evilutionist lie! Crushed baby mice actually make a ‘squeek squeek’ noise.
(count it as a vote against.)
Xenophobe, you’re not supposed to shoot the baby seals, you’re supposed to club them. Hasn’t Paul McCartney taught you anything?
Clubbing with seals is so passe. You obviously haven’t seen this shirt.
If you were wearing gnarly engineer’s boots instead of, “rather worn shoes,” toughness would ooze from the blog.
Baby mice? How tough is that?
Just pretend you’re wearing sneakers with bottoms make of IDiot’s brains that you’ve harvested yourself, using nothing but your bare hands and a hardcover Bible.
I used to live in a co-op, not the kind with hippies, just a 10-bedroom apartment. We had a rat problem that was so bad at one point that we would hunt them with pellet guns and one person got one with a knife.
The great thing about all this is that we saved money on hamburger meat. **Budduddum Ching!**
Maybe if you ate them, it might do the trick.
Tough guy? No. This only makes me think of Cliff from Cheers and the episode with the squeaky shoe club.
Actually, if you want a really good squeak noise, try sauteeing some medium-sized mealworms in a little butter. (They can be mostly frozen first so they don’t really feel anything.) It doesn’t matter how much I tell myself that it’s just steam venting from their exoskeletons, it sounds like dozens of tiny screams.
not if you do it right. okay, i am extrapolating a bit from rats, as that’s what i’m used to, but done quickly enough they make no noise at all, or maybe only a half second of a faint gurgle as they breathe their last through blood-filled lungs.
of course, i buy frozen now. it’s just easier. thaw and serve.
Does it improve my image as a tough guy if I tell you that I’m imaging that I’m crushing baby mice between my toes as I walk? Discuss.
Perhaps if you pranced around in a flight suit with a padded crotch congratulating yourself for crushing baby mice?
Does it improve my image as a tough guy if I tell you that I’m imaging that I’m crushing baby mice between my toes as I walk? Discuss.
No. Baby mice are incredibly easy to crush* and it adds not a thing to one’s macho score to be able to crush them.
*Don’t ask me how I know this.
How about a big banner in the background saying,
MASHING ACCOMPLISHED
Would that help?
[Throws dead squid at Myers for terrible pun]
“Perhaps if you pranced around in a flight suit with a padded crotch congratulating yourself for crushing baby mice?”
Good shot, Phoenician!! LOL But, I know have that muy macho picture stuck in my brain. Time for the bleach bottle.
“now have”. oops.
Under California law, it’s third strike and they’re crushed. First strike, you just delegate to the Farmer’s wife to cut off their tails with a carving knife. Or the one that OJ used, if you can find it. Then you, the mice, OJ, and the Farmer’s wife can search for the Real Killer. Yeah, right. OJ was found “not guilty” by a jury too dumb to be able to spell DNA. Whereas we all know the truth: the LAPD framed a guilty man. If your rather worn wet shoes fit, you must acquit. I say, walk a mile in his shoes. If you’re wrong, you’re still a mile away and, hey, you got those shoes for nothing.
I’ve always thought of you as being very cute and cuddly, PZ.