Eh, I don’t think I really believe this, but since South Park thinks its funny to portray Richard Dawkins as a tasteless sodomite, it seems only fair to mention that the joke might have stung more if it had been applied to Ted Haggard.
A gay man and admitted male escort claims he has had an ongoing sexual relationship with a well-known Evangelical pastor from Colorado Springs.
So far, it’s nothing but innuendo and accusation, though. I have to say that even if it were true, it would not be a reason to oppose Haggard, and I’d actually be rather disappointed—it would immediately move the debate from the substance of the danger of evangelical nonsense to wailing about hypocrisy and homosexuality, exactly the kind of complaint that plays right into the hands of the sanctimonious Religious Right.
Besides, look at that face. He reminds me of that horndog, Steve Stifler.
Yes, rumor and whatnot, but let’s speculate.
For someone who hates gays so much, his response didn’t ring true:
“I did not have a homosexual relationship with a man in Denver,” said Haggard. “I am steady with my wife. I’m faithful to my wife.”
Doesn’t that sound a little meek for an holier-than-thou preacher who was just accused of having a gay affair and toking meth? Shouldn’t he be screaming at the top of his lungs, saying how dare they accuse him of being gay, and shouting outrage at any such allegations?
“Steady with my wife?” Odd, odd, odd.
I was prepared to write it off also until I saw Haggard quoted as saying he is prepared to be investigated by an independent team from his church. No chance of a cover up there.
Haggard frightnes and annoys me more than almost any of the big name Evangelicals. He’s so smug and cock sure it just gets to me.
I’d lvoe if it came out what a hypocrit he is. His interaction with Dawkins showed what a tool he is.
Ugh. Even if I were gay he wouldn’t be my type. He looks like a department-store mannequin with a hideous painted-on smile.
I personally would not care one way or the other if he’s gay. But I hope that it’s true. He gives me the raving creeps and if he’s exposed as gay his right-wing co-religionists will (figuratively, but one can dream) burn him at the stake. It would destroy him as a religious leader and that would be a *good* thing. A creepy sociopath like that should not have ANY political power.
KUSA says the investigated the gay escort’s claims for two months. Do you think they would take on the head of a 14,000 member church in their market if they only had hearsay?
Do you think his teeth are really that white? Or is he photoshopped?
Plus, doesn’t South Park Dawkins think Mrs. Garrison is a woman? I’m not prepared to write them off until I see the 2nd episode, it may be the creationists being skewered.
Yes, they say Jones has been talking to them for two months. So where is the supporting evidence? No sting operation with a hidden camera? Is Jones’ word all they have?
Watch the Dawkins sgement with him. His teeth are that white. His skin is that tan. Natural? Highly unlikely. Probably BoTox too.
I don’t care what consenting adults do–I care what they say about other consenting adults who are doing it too.
Plot thickens, apparently the accuser has proof and is willing to take a lie-detector test to prove it:
From the Rocky Mountain News:
http://www.rockymountainnews.com/drmn/local/article/0,1299,DRMN_15_5112770,00.html
Jones also said during his appearance with Boyles that he was paid money by Haggard, who made frequent trips to Denver for sexual liaisons, that he has recorded voicemails and a letter from Haggard, and that he had also witnessed Haggard use methamphetamine.
Jones offered to take a polygraph examination concerning his claim, and Boyles said that will occur Friday during his morning radio show.
I presume you mean a polygraph test. There is no such thing as a lie-detector test. (yawn)
Then there’s also no such thing as colloquial English. (Gaping yawn)
Voicemails and a letter – game, set, match anyone?
There once was a pastor named Ted,
Who was caught with a man in his bed.
He ran to his closet,
To make a deposit,
But came out with Ken Mehlman instead.
That thread below re South Park has some really pathetic whining in it.
My friends, the show is designed to shock and annoy everyone but especially the world’s biggest crybabies, i.e., religious idiots and special interest groups.
Those of us who have a sense of humor and/or half a brain will react to a South Park show making fun of atheists and their “heroes” in one of two ways: laugh or ignore it.
Those who react to having their chain pulled by yelping and whining are just proving South Park’s central thesis: some people are just uptight humorless shits.
I humbly suggest that those uptight humorless shits among us get over themselves. Maybe these folks could spend their time more productively by writing letters to the FCC complaining about Madonna, Howard Stern, or nipples.
Whatever, but Richard Dawkins made a fool of Ted Haggard in his program, “The Root of All Evil?”.
First Hovie, now the Hagster. Could Ham be next? Is there a gay guy on the planet who is desperate enough to pork Ham? (Heh. I made a funny).
Madonna is a has-been baby-stealer. There. I said it. Now let’s move on.
The Polygraph and Lie Detection (2003)
Board on Behavioral, Cognitive, and Sensory Sciences and Education (BCSSE)
Committee on National Statistics (CNSTAT)
This story is almost too good to be true.
But if there are indeed smoking guns . . . .
Eh, I don’t think I really believe this, but since South Park thinks its funny to portray Richard Dawkins as a tasteless sodomite
for those who didn’t catch the episode where Garrison got a sex change, “Mrs.” Garrison does in fact, have a “vag” as “she” puts it.
so, it is possible it wasn’t sodomy at all, just standard, er, sex…
:p
just one of those little geeky things that needed to be said.
personally, I remember matt and trey talking about how it would be silly to continue the series past 3 years or so.
I’m sure they both laugh every time somebody takes anything in the show seriously at all.
Me, I’ve been a Venture Brothers fan ever since it came out.
What is it about Colorado that draws these fundies? They’ve got Dobson- and his F**kus On the Family, the gay or not Ted Haggard, and the real whacko of the bunch, Bob Enyart, who’s new/ancient criminal code…
“You shall not commit adultery. Judges will execute those convicted of bestiality (Ex. 22:19; Lev. 20:15-16); those convicted of incest including with in-laws (Lev. 11-12, 14-15, 17, 19-21); of homosexual acts…”
…might actually rid us of the meddlesome Haggard.
I’m guessing they’ve congregated there so that, in the event of a second Great Flood, they can simply drive their Hummers to the peak of the new Mt. Ararat without the headache of actually securing sufficient gopherwood to build an ark- nto to mention the monumental stench of all those animals with no indoor plumbing. Or maybe they just feel more at home where the air isn’t so oxygen-rich and their oxygen-deprived brains don’t feel so alone.
In a movie creepier than the entire David Cronenberg corpus–“Jesus Camp”–Ted Haggard was the creepiest thing. Michele Bachmann should have Haggard campaign with her so she can look comparatively authentic and sane. There are only a few things that would be better than catching Ted with a member in his mouth, and that’s if it were James Dobson’s member. With maybe D. James Kennedy taking him from behind for good measure. Just for the irony, not because of anything inherent.
Is there a gay guy on the planet who is desperate enough to pork Ham?
Hm, I wonder.
I agree with previous posters, Colorado fundies for some reason are the creepiest.
Please God, let it be true. Let’s hope he has some distinguishing marks on his person that Jones can recall.
Oh, Pastor Faggard, preach to me!
don’t forget that good ‘ol Ted used to(still does?) speak directly with GW on a weekly basis.
How long do you think it will be before he claims to have a problem with alcohol?
How long do you think it will be before he claims to have a problem with alcohol?
ahh, the Mel Gibson defense.
yeah, I think you nailed that one.
before the end of the week, I’d wager.
he might use a spin on it related to prescription drugs.
after all, Rush got away with using that one.
I wouldn’t go so far as to guess he would use cocaine, even though our uberfuehrer admitted to such.
hmm, OTOH, he might actually use the cocaine defense after all, considering this line from the report:
“Jones also claims Haggard used methamphetamine in his presence on several occasions.”
I’m sure it’s been mentioned, but anybody who doesn’t know ‘ol Ted should check out Dawkins’ “Root of all Evil” documentary video.
I’ve seen it on you tube and other places, though i think since the google purchase(f’in bastards), they have shut the links to it.
might have to go bittorrent to see it now.
Mena says, “How long do you think it will be before he claims to have a problem with alcohol?”
….and he was molested in his youth. The old Foley defense, eh? Personally, I know nothing about the guy except he looks like he won “Miss Congeniality” at the last “George Hamilton Tanning Olympics and Skin Cancer Telethon”.
Yo, Ichthyic! It still googles up on YouTube. I found it here – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmNjfpoRZpE
Yeah, I knew the knee-jerk “it’s just South Park” comments would come. The fact that it’s a crass, shock value show doesn’t exempt it from discussion of its premises. I guarantee no one is having a shitfit over that episode (well, maybe a few people) or suggesting that they’re completely wrong. But if Trey & Matt make criticisms (and they’re not always just talking out their asses on that show), then we can criticize the criticisms. Especially on the level of “is it good satire” or “is it a good show?”
I didn’t watch that particular episode so I can’t really add anything to the discussion, but “It’s just a show” is almost as annoying to me as “It was just a joke”. Some of us like to get online and discuss things that are relevant to one of the topics of this blog, no matter how tangentially.
Perhaps he got drunk on communion wine and while genuflecting before the holy host he accidentally fell inside one of his parishioners.
I didn’t watch that particular episode so I can’t really add anything to the discussion,
can i laugh now?
I dunno if I trust Mike Jones yet, he doesn’t seem completely credible. Screw the polygraph, publish the evidence – the letter and voicemail from Haggard. Digitize both and email ’em a dozen different press agencies.
It’d be too little to hope that he’d have DNA from Haggard – the equivalent of a ‘blue dress’. (Perhaps Haggard wore the dress? Er – sorry about the visual.)
Hey, Haggard hasn’t announced he’s suing Jones for defamation? For slander? Why not?
Yeah, I knew the knee-jerk “it’s just South Park” comments would come.
Please get a life, moron.
Just got done watching the “Root of All Evil” segment on YouTube. Very entertaining. As a total aside (and nothing to do with his “arguments” (cough)), is it just me or does Haggard talk funny? He looks like he has prehensile lips. They kind of stretch way out there like a goat going for leaves just out of reach.
“He looks like he has prehensile lips. They kind of stretch way out there like a goat going for leaves just out of reach.”
Or maybe his lips are particularly limber due to his extra-curricular activities.
remember that that clip is just one segment of the 2 part series; it just happened to hit right on the Haggert part.
nice find, btw, all the origninal you tube links i had for both parts now fail.
that said, I recommend you try to find the whole thing to watch.
here, try this, it seems to have all the parts in order and complete:
http://dark-sided.blogspot.com/2006/09/root-of-all-evil-all-parts-in-order.html
Comedy Central will repeat that episode a few times before next weeks installment. I’m pretty sure it comes on Sunday night at 11 PM or so.
If not then, it will be on again this week.
At this point, I just have one question:
Is there any American political conservative who is not gay?
Yes. Mary Cheney.
http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/11/ive_never_said.html
NEW video of Ted. It’s a puzzling interview. He denies it but acts like the accusations are no big deal. Gay sex isn’t. Sex with a prostitute by a minister is. It’s almost like he knows he’s going to have to come out, but intends to stay with his wife and church.
But who knows what’s really going on.
He denies it but acts like the accusations are no big deal. Gay sex isn’t. Sex with a prostitute by a minister is.
Ministers have sex with prostitutes every day, all across this great country. The smart ones don’t make a career out of denouncing such activities into a big microphone like this creepy loser, though.
Oh well. His picture will hang nicely in the Hall of Shame along with Swaggart and Bakker and Hovind etc. etc. etc. etc.
I think the ‘independent’ team from Haggard’s church–the team ostensibly investigating the accusations–is the New Life Church’s Board of Overseers, whose members were appointed by Ted Haggard.
The accuser claims to have taped phone messages and a letter. The only ‘investigation’ consist of Pastor Ted cooling his heels while the Board of Overseers waits to see if the accuser has evidence they can’t explain away.
Personally, I know nothing about the guy except he looks like he won “Miss Congeniality” at the last “George Hamilton Tanning Olympics and Skin Cancer Telethon”.
Posted by: CanonicalKoi
Actually to me he looks like he took style tips from ex-gay for pay spokesmodel Stephen Bennett, which is fortunate because he may need a new career soon.
He doesn’t have to worry – a few tears, a few “The devil made me do it”s, a well[-placed “Jesus has forgiven me, so I ask you to as well”, and it’s all done with and they love him more than ever. Nothing better than a redemption arc.
Oh well. His picture will hang nicely in the Hall of Shame along with Swaggart and Bakker and Hovind etc. etc. etc. etc.
yeah, but unfortunately I know Bakker has regained his ministry, as has Swaggart.
shame means nothing to true believers ™.
in fact, I’ve long been of the opinion that the folks who are dumb enough to pay these hucksters their hard earned cash are the real problem.
I think you might have to go so far as to be a mass murderer before these sheep would give you up as their shepherd.
great gig if you can swallow what comes with it, i guess.
Breaking news.
Haggard has stepped down from his posts citing the “cloud” that now surrounds him.
Kristine pondered over the sexual procilivities of Mann Coulter:
Is there a gay guy on the planet who is desperate enough to pork Ham?
Hm, I wonder.
wow. I’m surprised that hasn’t been picked up more.
for those that hadn’t noticed earlier (like me), you should check out the latest investigations into the “misbehavior” of Coulter.
I think Coulter’s “misbehavior” should be translated as alleged voting fraud….
If you see tire marks on Haggards back, it’s from Falwell throwing him under the bus on Wolf Blitzer’s show tonight.
I’m still laughing.
All of this kind of makes Kerry’s foot-in-mouth comments a little tame really doesn’t it (at least it was just a foot…)
Sorry for the crudeness, but “smut” and “haggard” seem like a match made in heaven…
I think Coulter’s “misbehavior” should be translated as alleged voting fraud….
uh, yeah. one might get the wrong impression the way i worded my post.
oops.
;)
Why are you bothered by Dawkins being depicted as a sodomite?
Are you some kind of bigot?
Your blogpost implies that this is something bad or shameful. I thought you bio-folk were all for fornication and what not.
While one cannot conclude that this accusation will prove to be true, the man bringing the allegation has been in the Denver and Colorado Springs area for some time. His advertisements for services have appeared in local gay publications for a number of years and it wouldn’t make a lot of sense for him to come forward without sufficient and accurate information to prove his claims. That is simply speculation on my part but it would seem like a huge mistake if his story is a fabrication. My hunch is that the information will bear the coming scrutiny and that the pastor’s secrets are about to be exposed.
Read more here:
http://www.thoughttheater.com
I thought you bio-folk were all for fornication and what not.
In that vein, let me be the first to tell you to go screw a rolling donut.
the man bringing the allegation has been in the Denver and Colorado Springs area for some time. His advertisements for services have appeared in local gay publications for a number of years
He’s very skilled, I can assure you.
it would immediately move the debate from the substance of the danger of evangelical nonsense to wailing about hypocrisy and homosexuality
That’s certainly true. But I don’t think it hurts to be reminded of the hypocrisy of the Religious Right. These big-name evangelicals tell people they’re going to burn in Hell if they’re gay or gamble or have sex before marriage or whatever, but have no problem doing it themselves. It seems obvious that they (at least some of them) don’t really believe what they’re teaching, they’re just fleecing their followers to get rich and be famous.
Just saw the video at http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/11/ive_never_said.html.
Teddy Boy sure talks like he’s guilty.
http://onegoodmove.org/1gm/1gmarchive/2006/11/ive_never_said.html
Oh man I almost feel sorry for Haggard after seeing that video. His denial was remarkably half-hearted. Most of the clip instead seemed like a confession(!). About the gay prostitute he even said, “We’ll need to hear him out”. I would think that if Ted was innocent of the charge, he would denounce in the strongest terms the accuser as a liar.
He’s very skilled, I can assure you.
oh?
personal experience?
if so, what is the likelihood this is fabrication, based on your personal knowledge of the accuser?
I agree with Daniel that it would make little sense for the accuser to fabricate such a story.
Haggard has not only stepped down from his megachurch, he’s resigned as Chief Nutjob of the National Evangelical Society, or whatever it’s called. So, it looks serious.
Mr. Jones claims to have recorded voicemails and a letter from Haggard.
I sorta doubt that the media organizations’ lawyers would have let them proceed this far without a smoking gun.
Whahahahahahahha!
Dobson speaks:
“It is unconscionable that the legitimate news media would report a rumor like this based on nothing but one man’s accusation. Ted Haggard is a friend of mine and it appears someone is trying to damage his reputation as a way of influencing the outcome of Tuesday’s election — especially the vote on Colorado’s marriage-protection amendment — which Ted strongly supports.
He has shown a great deal of grace under these unfortunate circumstances, quickly turning this matter over to his church for an independent investigation. That is a testament to the character I have seen him exhibit over and over again through the years.”
Whahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
of course, Dobson claims it’s all a liberal plot.
what else is new?
See, this is why I don’t understand when they say that gay people are trying to destroy marriage.
Some of the staunchest defenders of marriage are gay.
That was from the Denver Post.
I might be reading too much into this, but that last sentence seems guilty. If the gay hooker is lying, what more detail could there be?
Anyway, I now know what they mean when they talk about destroying traditional marriage. They know that if their wives find out they’re fags, it’ll destroy their traditional marriages.
I’ve drunk enough booze to give a liver doctor the howling fantods. It never made me do a dude.
It never made me do a dude.
that only happens if you need to cover up after the fact.
kind of like “beersight 20/20”
which reminds me…
http://www.funnyhub.com/animations/pages/animations/nine-coronas.html
bow wow wow wooo!
This whole thing is mightily odd. Ted Haggard is a powerful man with friends in high places. Yet, bizarrely, some completely unknown person whose profession is a prostitute(at least some of the time) has, just by one simple statement, caused this powerful man to promptly resign all of his posts.
Does this mean I can simply make a similar accusation about the pastor of my local mega-church and they would also instantly resign? I doubt it.
I watched the video that was posted above and here’s the amazing last sentence from it:
“we’ll need to hear him out, the board will need to hear him out..we call them the board of overseers because they oversee me…and they’ll hear him out and then if they think that’s credible then we’ll need to process that”.
To give Haggard the benefit of the doubt, he is here explaining how the process works, but it comes across not exactly as an admission of guilt, but Haggard seems to acknowledge that the outcome may not be favorable. You would have expected to say instead something like “the board will hear him out and of course they won’t find any evidence and then I would then be reinstated as Pastor”.
First Hovind, then Haggard, all we need now is a few catholic priests to be accused of molesting a few more innocent kids and we have a trifecta.
Like I always say people are people no matter what their ‘supernatural’ beliefs. We are how we are raised.
First Hovind, then Haggard, all we need now is a few catholic priests to be accused of molesting a few more innocent kids and we have a trifecta.
Let’s not forget Coulter’s potential little spat with the law right now (http://www.mediainfo.com/eandp/news/article_display.jsp?vnu_content_id=1003345903)
Oh Happy Day!!!
I’ve drunk enough booze to give a liver doctor the howling fantods. It never made me do a dude.
Posted by: steve s
I’m the gal that you get drunk if you *don’t* want to have sex. I’m fairly geeky to begin with but it just gets so much worse as alcohol takes its toll. I usually want to calculate something or discuss string theory or something like that. To get back to your point, me neither. ;^)
I thought you bio-folk were all for fornication and what not.
See above.
all we need now is a few catholic priests to be accused of molesting a few more innocent kids and we have a trifecta.
or a few more republicans not being able to resist the urge to play with their pages.
Is Foley old news already? I sure hope not, considering elections are next week.
“It’d be too little to hope that he’d have DNA from Haggard – the equivalent of a ‘blue dress’. (Perhaps Haggard wore the dress? Er – sorry about the visual.)”
There may be DNA on the envelope.
If I’m not mistaken, Jones doesn’t have a *letter*, he has an envelope in which Haggard sent him two hundred dollar bills, with the envelope marked with Haggard’s alias ‘Art’.
The tapes are probably more significant, unless the envelope provides DNA that is tested.
It’s unfortunate, really, that both Haggart and Hovind are taken down for reasons other than their absolutely criminal indoctrination efforts.
they never should have gotten as far as they did.
that’s the real sad thing, and truly, regardless of what happens to them, i don’t see the “sheep” changing their patterns of grouping behavior.
hence, the resurrection (pun intended) of both Swaggart and Bakker’s ministries.
they’ll just select the next idiot in line.
meh, I should probably wait to post that for a day at least, so as not to quash any joy, but I guess I’m already over it.
too lazy to read all the comments…
Is this guy the same guy that’s in Dawkins’ “The root of all evil?”
ok, I read the comments. Yep, its him.
Lumbaugh, or whatever his name is, the fat greasy running mouth of a sex tourist, is still among the blessed.
You know, thing is, all this will do is convince the fundies even more than being gay is a “sin.”
They’ll see it as proof of how evil and pervasive the “threat” is, same way as they would see him being a crook as proof that the devil is out to get them. They’ll just pray even harder.
yeah, even after his bout of drug addiction, and lying about it, etc., etc.
like i said.
sheeple are the real problem, not the fleecers.
CanonicalKoi,
It’s not just you. Though I didn’t see any caprine features. Oh, and my brain kept on screaming “fake, fake, fake”.
Of course, innocent until proven guilty. But just in case these allegations turn out to be true – does he condone the OT punishments for homosexuality and adultery, like many of his fellow travellers, and if so does anyone have it on tape?
He’s so popular, he made the front page of http://news.bbc.co.uk !
On Ann Coulter: in case anybody here hasn’t read it yet, Betty Bowers does an awe-inspiring summary Ann on her web page. Here’s a link.
http://www.bettybowers.com/coulter.html
Someone from his own organization now confirming at least part of it.
Do you think Ross Parsley is kin to Rod Parsley?
More linkage
Why is it necessary for some jerk to use the word “sodomite” in referring to homosexuals?
It’s as offensive as calling a heterosexual man “rapist” for precisely the same reason.
IMHO, the South Parkers have not neccessarily missed their opportunity! Let’s see what Wednesday night holds in store.
I don’t think PZ Myers understands what South Park is supposed to be about!