Orifice, Or a Face?

A Hole or a Visage?

We eat drink, smell, sneeze, speak, hear, breath and vomit through holes in the head: our orifices. There are two other orifices we seldom name in polite company, but they are no where near the face and, even though they are highly sensitive to touch and manipulation we allow them to be synonymous with shame. Probably because they are used to expel smelly waste products associated with having a gut microbiome, and eating food. Either that, or the heightened sensitivity of these secreted orifices and the arousal of sexual expressions of said holes and their fleshy surroundings can sometimes be embarrassing. They spend most of their time hidden behind layers of clothing and seldom, if ever, view the sun.

So, most writers have little to say about an orifice such as the ear or the nose which have little to do to actively engage in acts of sexual stimulation. (I don’t want to ignore the wonderful smells that are arousing, nor the sexual appeal of a tenor’s lyrical voice, but these physical structures are limited in their usefulness as far as mechanisms for sexual play. One seldom hears of ear-anal penetration for example. ‘Brown nosing’ is a derogatory term rarely used in erotic literature.) Most attention is focused upon the penis, the mouth and other penis-accessible orifices, especially the one where babies emerge, over a gestational period of time, of course.

Do you know how people oftentimes resemble their pets? The short grouchy butch guy with the bulldog or the fluffy-haired poodle owner. I wonder if the same thing exists between a person’s face and their own orifices? I mean a face is made up of eyes, skin and orifices so there is bound to be a correlation there, but how often do people resemble their lower orifice? I mean if someone calls you an asshole, it’s usually because you are a jerk and not because they have noticed any resemblance between you and your, well, you know. I mean how would anyone actually know except the guys at the gym, maybe, unless you are a porn star or something. Is it really what you want to be known for in polite society?

Just as the elevator doors shut:

“Hey, I know you from someplace.”

“Sorry, I don’t…”

“You used to have black silky hair, you’ve gone bald, man. I remember, you did porn and you looked just like your asshole.”


“I never forget a face or an ass for that matter, you resemble your ass.” “Your porn was like watching the Patty Duke Show.”

A rare occurrence, I am sure, but we need to see more butts to know if the correlation actually exists or if I’m just talking out my ass. Maybe our photo ID’s should have a front view of the face, a side view, and an ass view. People would be saying: “Hey, Dachshund-ass” or “Is that a schnauzer in your trousers?

I don’t suppose I would be discussing this if today’s headlines weren’t about our beloved President Trump calling Haiti and most of Africa “shithole” countries. He sure has a way of lowering the level of world discourse.

Any Thoughts?