Arts & Hate-crafts

max stash

This cat is not a racist. He just thinks we should be talking about dog-on-dog crime.

We all internalize racism and respond subconsciously to that social programming, and it’s a lot of work to patrol your own thoughts and root out the stereotypes and tropes that make us less human, I get that. But I don’t understand what I call “practicing racists.” Those who actively promote, engage in, and deeply believe that their racism is justified and correct. For these people, it’s not even racism. It’s obvious truth.

I’m sure there are many, many sociological, psychological, and neurological studies involving brains clouded with irrational hatred of entire groups of people, which explain some of these human tendencies. I’m sure there’s a reasonable evolutionary explanation to the whole fear factor when it comes to the interaction of human groups. But it’s 2016, and I don’t understand the time, money, and resources devoted to racist, sexist, heterosexist, transphobic activities in this country. Why don’t these people get a hobby or take up crafting? Like hate knitting or grievance crochet? “Look at this rage quilt I made using all my fear and repression!”

After all, people hate-watch Lifetime movies and hate-tweet live musicals on network television. I have hate-read all the Game of Thrones books so far, and I’m sure I’ll hate-read the next one if it ever surfaces or if anyone is left alive to act out the story. Why not have hate-hobby gatherings? Man-Men could get together with their MRA buddies and have canning parties where they make spite berries into shame preserves and spread it onto their smugness toast with superiority sprinkles while mansplaining with their man buddies about friend zoning over a nice, crisp Sauvignon Blanc.

I can’t imagine what it must be like to live in a mind so consumed with fear and hatred, that everything is a threat, and you can’t even enjoy the new Star Wars movie because BLARGH BLACK STORMTROOPER and ARGLEBARG female Jedi destroying the mans everywhere! Wouldn’t it be better to sit around in your confederate flag tee shirts weaving potholders out of flame-resistant cotton and xenophobia than to make the Mexicans spend billions building a wall around their own country? (Which they might do anyway come November, but for a very different reason. Canada too.) Or we could take all that time spent on the Senate floor waxing poetic about how Syrian children are going to come to America and ruin up the Constitution with their rubble toys and crazy ideas about living to their teenage years, and use it to tantrum-bake wee loaves of hysteria bread to sell at community PTA fundraisers?

Think of what we could collectively achieve if we channeled all the focused apoplexy contained in the comments section of a Black Lives Matter social media post into hobby farming and urban small animal husbandry. Chicken, eggs, and squash for all! With crumbled farmhouse paranoia cheese!


  1. kestrel says

    Love it.

    I used to teach weaving, and I live on a farm and raise goats. I used to tell my students that I thought all world leaders should be weaving all the time, and that they should also have to take care of a flock of goats. Then they wouldn’t have any time left over to build bombs, pollute rivers and start wars. Ha ha.

  2. says


    I suggest rats. I have many, many, lots rats. They keep you very busy. It’s all you can do to keep them from burning the house down.