Thursday, June 1st marks World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day (WNAAD), a global movement to raise the profile of narcissistic abuse, provide public education, resources for survivors, and effect policy change. Add the hashtag #IfMyWoundsWereVisible to your facebook page if you were abused by a narcissist or know someone who was. Flying Monkeys Denied is another site worth visiting. It explains what a flying monkey is and how narcissists use them.
What are the traits of a narcissist? Mystical Raven’s item about narcissistic mothers, but it can be anyone – parent, sibling, partner, employer, coworker, neighbor, “friend”, etc.
- Everything she does is deniable.
- She violates your boundaries.
- She favoritizes.
- She undermines.
- She demeans, criticizes and denigrates.
- She makes you look crazy.
- She’s envious.
- She’s a liar in too many ways to count.
- She has to be the center of attention all the time.
- She manipulates your emotions in order to feed on your pain.
- She’s selfish and willful.
- She’s self-absorbed.
- She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism.
- She terrorizes.
- She’s infantile and petty.
- She’s aggressive and shameless.
- She “parentifies.”
- She’s exploitative.
- She projects.
- She is never wrong about anything.
- She seems to have no awareness that other people even have feelings.
- She blames.
- She destroys your relationships.
- As a last resort she goes pathetic.
Both of my genetic donors displayed at least twenty of these traits. I went No Contact sixteen years ago for good reason. My siblings, who are still under their control despite the two being dead, performed as flying monkeys when I attempted to avoid contact with them.
Blood relation is not a legal obligation. Cutting all contact with blood relatives is considered a social taboo (“but they’re your family!”) and some question and interrogate those who make this decision. But ask yourself: Would you tell a woman who left an abusive ex-husband to “forgive and reconcile”? No, you wouldn’t. So why does being blood related grant abusers special privilege?
A person’s obligation is to themselves, to their own physical and mental well being, even if others claim “their feelings are hurt”. As with many forms of abuse:
- Don’t question or doubt the person.
- Don’t suggest it was something the person did.
- Don’t “suggest forgiveness” – it’s already been tried.
- Don’t “help” (read: don’t become a flying monkey) unless asked.
- Listen, respect and support the person.