Letters From Mama: Christmas Debt

 

<– Letters From Mama: God Will Not Bless Your Marriage

February 2011 was the last time I had any electronic, face to face, or otherwise personal contact with Mama. She caused too much stress in my life, as well as my family’s. I wasn’t quite an atheist at that point, but had moved to a better reading of the Bible, should it have been true – the Bible god was a paradox, both evil and good, at the same time. It was this new idea that brought me to atheism.

Mama had better ideas. She was going to get me back under the label of “Christian.” But, in order to do so, she needed to get across to me how I was still her child-son and needed her counsel and wisdom in my life. It got old. Now, I just get letters from her and pass them along to my readers, for mirth and entertainment, as well as a proper warning about what bat-shit crazy looks like.

She reads my blog, so when you comment, you’re also talking to her.

The following package was delivered around Christmas, 2011. On the “envelope” which was nothing more than recycled packaging tape, was inscribed:

VERY, VERY BEST THING NOT TO OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS MORNING :).

To Me:

Joseph,

The nature of the gifts to your children are such that if they receive them soon, they will love them, and the memory, all their lives. But, if too much time goes by before they receive them, the gifts will seem too childish and have lost their magical gleam. So, come soon…..soon…..

Love, Mama

Again, as you will see over and over again in these letters and others I transcribe in this series, she enjoys the power of control. Holding gifts hostage until she gets what SHE wants. But wait…it gets worse.

To my bride, Kristine:

Love you, daughter, Mama Mary.

She had been trying to get my wife to call her that for years. It never happened.  Maybe that’s why she sent my bride a one-liner and then never mentioned her again in any of the other kid’s notes.

To Renaya (the oldest, then 9, now 13),  (in which she folds a $1 bill):

Dear Renaya,

For you I have a cat (a kitten :)). Not a real one, but a statue that sits on your dresser and you can rub its smooth coolness just before you hop into your bed each night.

And Renaya, can you tell your little brother Jack that for him I have a white and cotton-candy-pink trike airplane with pedals, that he can ride down the sidewalk on? And for your baby sister Analisse, a red, white, and blue trike airplane, a smaller one that she can sit on and push herself along with her feet. But the two trike airplanes are buried under the wall crumbles at the back of the basement, so when yourr family comes we’ll need to dig them out and clean them up in the bathtub, or if it is Spring, outside with a hose.

Here is a dollar for you, Renaya, as earnest on the promise. But the promise will end sometime. You can ask your Daddy when that will be. I wrote it in his letter. 🙂

Love, Grandmama, XO!

WOW! She tells my 9 year old that she can have a statue to rub every night and then begs her to come over and dig out some old toys in a crumbling basement, clean them up and give them to her sister and brother. Worse yet, she gives the girl a dollar but puts a guilt trip on her, stating that the dollar is only a bribe if she gets her dear old daddy to bring her over.

To Laura, (8 years old then, 12 now) (in which she folds a $1 bill):

Dear Laura Rose,

For you I have a cat (a kitten :)). Not a real one, but a statue that sits on your dresser and you can rub its smooth coolness just before you hop into your bed each night. There is a black one, and a cream-and-brown one, and you and Renaya can decide which one each of you would like as your own.

When your family comes, we can wrap the kittens well, so they will not break on the way home.

Here is a dollar for you, Laura Rose, as earnest on the promise. But, the promise will end sometime. You can ask your Daddy when that will be. I wrote it in his letter. 🙂

Love, Grandmama XO!

P.S. Here is a kiss and a hug for Jack XO! and for Analisse XO! Will you give them to them for me? Thank you.

To Frederic, (6 years old then, 11 now) (in which she folds a $1 bill):

Dear Frederic,

For you I have a puppy, not a real one :), but a statue that sits on your dresser so you can rub the cool smoothness of its head before you jump into bed each night.

When your family comes to my house, we can wrap the puppy up real good so it will not break on the way home.

Here is a dollar for you, Frederic, as earnest on the promise. You can ask your Daddy what “earnest” means. 🙂

Love, Grandmama XO!

Fred and Laura spent the money.

To Felicity, (4 years old then, 8 now) (in which she folds a $1 bill and tapes a quarter):

Dear Felicity,

For you I have a horse (a pony :)). Not a real one, but a wooden one like your cousin’s that sits on your dresser, and before you hop into bed each night you can rock it while it sits on your dresser, and listen to it go “clickety clack, clickety clack”, as if it was trotting down the street!

[Perfectly fine note for a 4 year old. But it isn’t the gift she is focusing on, as you’ll see when I finish this note, rather, it is the power she wants when she sees us walk to her door. It’s sick to use kids as pawns.

Now, back to the letter to Felicity…]
When your family comes to my house we can put it in a box for you to carry safely home to put on your dresser.

Here is a dollar for you, Felicity, as earnest. You can ask your Daddy what “earnest” means. 🙂

And Felicity, can you give this quarter to Jack so he can put it in his piggy bank? Thank you.

Love, Grandmama XO!

Letters From Mama: God Will Not Bless Your Marriage

Now, I will introduce you to one of my most popular series on my old blog, off in that dusty corner of the internet.

I grew up in an abusive environment, learning to cope quite well until I was 19 years old. At that point in my life, the heat got too hot and I was ready to be free. I left and went to live with my dad to get on my feet and expose myself to the real world in full color, rather than a world through sheltered and well defined, paranoiac lenses. My freedom came with many bumps in the road as I discovered that I was truly lazy when I wasn’t being yelled at to accomplish a task. I needed to mature…grow up. Life moved very fast and I needed to jump in and roll with it.

One day, I went on a weekend trip to Spirit Mountain in Duluth, Minnesota and met a girl. She was struggling to set up her tent and I squirted over to help her. The rest was history. We fell in love, I proposed less than two months later, and we were married a year to the day we met.

Let’s back up to July 17, 2001 – the day the love of my life and I decided on the date of the wedding. My mother, who henceforth will be referred to as “Mama,” sent me a letter. I had left her world nearly two years prior and she would leave no stone un-turned trying to get me back. Using religion and false warmth was her favorite tactic.

Dear Joseph,

I had been going by “Joe” for years. Ever since I left her home, I never went by my full name. She knew this and used my full name at every opportunity.

Forgive me; all the issues I obtained for you of This Old House, I’d thought I was giving you the most precious gift; I looked through the last one I’d gotten, and found I’d been giving you a magazine that had liquor, smoking, and more and more sensuality being slipped in. I am so sorry. I trust that my prayers for you had kept your discernment muscle strong.

First of all, I knew when Mama started out with an apology that she wanted something. She was never wrong. Additionally, she was reading my mail. But it wasn’t just my mail. She had ordered a subscription to This Old House for me, then had it delivered to her house, so I would have to come and pick it up, more than likely even be required to live there again. Get used to this type of manipulation.

Finally, my father had smoked for many years. Who did I go to heal with when I “escaped” her home? My father’s house. She knew full well what she was doing in writing this. And, to set the record straight, I love women and liquor (some liquor, anyway).

Joseph, my precious son, I have been young, and now I am old(er). All of my discipling (sic) since I have been saved has been right down this line – relationships and how God allows them to work or not work. HE DOES NOT ALLOW IT TO WORK IF YOUR PARENTS HAVE NOT GIVEN THEIR BLESSING.

My mother has actually been up on Mount Sinai and spoken to God herself. Moses had nothing on her. Moreover, she was thorough in her research before she wrote this letter, insomuch that she interviewed several billion couples that had tied the knot and believed in her god. Every couple that told her their relationship was perfect also let her know that they had received a full blessing from both sets of parents. Those couples that had eloped or had gotten hitched where at least one parent’s consent was not solidified, had either gotten divorced, murdered each other, or became gay.

Please do not set yourself up for misery, Joseph. Please wait until Papa releases you, deeming you fully mature in his eyes.

Now that went a bit too far. Mama had refused to have a relationship with my dad (Papa) since the divorce in 1987, unless he met her every demand. How did she know what his desires for my life were? Not to mention, he did exactly as a father should – gave me great counsel and kicked me off the branch, believing I could fly. He was a good dad.

I love you so much, and I would take the anguish you are going to go through, upon myself if God would let me. He cannot contradict Himself, Joseph.

Unfortunately for Mama, nowhere in the Bible does it say that a man or woman needs their parents permission to marry someone else. Sure, there are descriptions of marriages where the father chose the bride for his son. Also, the Benjamites lost a ton of womenfolk in a war that God brought upon them, so the dudes ran to another tribe and kidnapped some women for wives – also sanctioned by God. Hosea went and bought a prostitute as a wife – also sanctioned by God. David had wives and not ONCE did he ask his dad’s permission in the text and yet he was considered a man after God’s own heart. Her assertion was pure poppycock.

Also, “God never contradicts himself”? Right…apparently, the world’s most godly woman has never read the Bible.

Please ponder Hebrews 13:8.

Hebrews 13:8 says:

Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

It’s funny she uses this verse. Verse 7 would have worked toward her point much better:

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

And finally, the salutation:

In tears of anguish for your sake, yet, even so He gives me John 14:27, “If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Mama XO

My Mama is a trip. I’ll post more letters in the future.