Consensual Conversations

6986d-6a00e54ed0df528833013480965ceb970c-piI’ll put a GOOD! behind good conversation and a BAD! behind bad.

Man sees a woman who is having a bad day/week/year/life.

Man: “Hello! How are you? I see you are down in the dumps. Let’s talk about it?” GOOD!

Woman: “Sure!”

Conversation ensues. As the woman shares about her life, the gentleman shares things from his. Over the next few days, they get to know each other. Feelings begin to flower. The gentleman is falling for the woman and the woman, though skeptical of his intentions, is feeling flutters within her…wait…I know nothing about women’s feelings. But let’s just say she’s into the bloke.

Man: “So, wanna get together and cuddle?” GOOD!

Woman: “No. I’m not really into you like that. That’s not what I’m here for.”

More conversation, lasting over the next few days. Nothing changes from the woman’s side. She has still not suggested that she is willing to be anything other than platonic or non-sexual friends. In her mind, when a gentleman suggest cuddling, it is just a precursor to what he really wants.

Man: “So, wanna get together and cuddle?” BAD!

Dude…you’ve crossed boundaries here. Stop.

Man: “So, wanna get together and cuddle?” “So, I’ve really gotten to know you on a deeper level and I know you said no to cuddling a few days back. Has anything changed? And if not, would you appreciate me never bringing it up again?” GOOD!

Now, the gentleman could just go ahead and never say the above at all and take the initial NO! as a final answer. Many women actually appreciate that approach. But being honest and open about his intentions and where he wants to go with the conversation/relationship is just fine, as well.

Finally, a woman (or a man) is not obligated to explain why they are not into you. Keep that in mind. It’s very important. (Speaking to you, MRAs). Additionally, it is perfectly reasonable for the woman to be angry at the second attempt, no matter how civil or well-reasoned it may be. This is the thing about personality. Everyone is different.

In short, we learn about each other so we can know how to respect them. No human being has an obligation to reject us in a certain way. Their life experience will dictate how they go about doing it. Do not take offense. Consent is easy. Practice it.

And for god’s sake, don’t belittle and shame the one doing the rejecting. Oh…one more thing: Rejection of a physical or sexual relationship is not necessarily a rejection of you.

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