Creative Sex: Skirting the Rules of Her Parents

IMG_3157I took this picture of the important parts of my bride, while she was waiting to go under the knife at The Mayo Clinic today. As she disappeared down the hall, in the care of a super-medical team, my thoughts drifted to our younger days together. Two young and passionate lovers.

It was July, 2001. I was addicted to this beautiful girl. Every thought of mine was directed toward her. I lived to breathe in her scent, kiss her warm and soft lips, and do all the things that normal lovers do, wrapped naked in each other’s arms.

Except, we had to sneak around. Her parents were religious, as were we, leaving every session of love a cesspool of guilty feelings washing over us, keeping us from fully enjoying everything to be enjoyed. It was in this atmosphere that we decided to drive to every corner of the state of Minnesota – 1600 miles – camping together, alone, with no chaperone.

Her parents were worried, and rightly so. No kids, hot for each other, had the capacity to camp together without engaging in the evil sexing. But we convinced them that we were stronger than any kids they had ever known, even though we’d been having sex for months already.

Every single campsite we stopped at, we set up two tents, took pictures of those tents, then jumped into one of them, and made love for hours. That trip was one hot memory of smells and tastes and sensations and love. And lots of giggles as we creatively photographed sleeping quarters, us in genteel posed positions, looking American Gothic. We called her parents often and told stories of ducks and geese and water and mosquitoes and barely holding hands and no kissing and longing gazes into each other’s eyes and our super-human strength of abstinence.

And they believed every word.

God I loved that week.


  1. says

    And they believed every word.

    The problem with that sort of thing is that it makes everyone feel and look bad. They look like stupid dupes, and you look sneaky. When – in fact – you’re just doing what you ought to do. This bullshit that young people shouldn’t do the slippery and happy things of their preference – it’s incredibly damaging. I don’t have kids (and maybe I’d lose my mind and feel differently if I did) but all I can think is that I’d want them to be careful and respectful of eachother and learn and enjoy In that sense, it’s no different from if they were operating a motor vehicle or partying a bit.

    Many of the ‘younger generation’ I’ve talked to are dependent on alcohol or other drugs (I approve of drug and alcohol use, if done with care under will) because they need it as an excuse to do something that they need no excuse to do. That is not the form of drug or alcohol use that I approve of: getting a bit tipsy so you can feel you’ve slipped control and can do something perfectly reasonable … that’s the downstream cost of parents raising their kids to be unable to be honest with everyone involved.

    Nike had it right: Just do it.

    • Joe Sands says

      I completely agree.

      We philosophized that, later in life. It’s how we’re raising our kids. Respect others, learn from those that have gone before, who love you, and know that Mom and Dad will be a safe place if you have questions or problems.

    • says

      Marcus Ranum
      “Many of the ‘younger generation’ I’ve talked to are dependent on alcohol or other drugs (I approve of drug and alcohol use, if done with care under will) because they need it as an excuse to do something that they need no excuse to do.”

      Using out of boredom is kind of a stupid thing to do. So is using drugs as an excuse for shitty behavior. Makes us responsible self-medicators look bad by association.

  2. says

    My dad had a saying “Call me about anything any time you need help, as long as it isn’t from a police holding cell.” That was kind of his limit for when “screwed up” translated over into “really screwed up”
    When I started going to the big marches in NYC in the 70s dad changed to “don’t get beaten up by the cops” I love my dad. 😉

    A few years ago I was telling dad about a thing I was thinking about doing which would have had a bit of an impact on some government cybersecurity stuff and – without missing a beat, he said, “Call me about anything any time you need help as long as it’s not from Gitmo”

    • johnson catman says

      Marcus @2:
      Your dad sounds great! If more parents were as supportive and open with their children as your dad, this world would be a much better place.

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