The bananas were rotting in the fruit basket.
The kids used to eat them like candy, especially when I was trying to get my blood pressure down a few years ago. The blood pressure is fine now, but now nobody eats bananas. I keep buying them, though, just to offer a science lesson on how long it takes the things to rot, depending on atmospheric pressure, presence of fruit flies, how long a light bulb is on in the room, and most importantly, how often the kids clean their rooms.
I do also make a killer loaf of banana bread, but lately, I haven’t the time.
Anyway, I was walking through the living room, my bride was on her phone, sitting in a chair, and my 12-year-old daughter was on the couch, just staring off into the distance. I reached into my back pocket and found a condom there. Pulling it out, I looked at Laura,
Know what this is!?
Yeah. That’s a ‘com-dom’.
Right. What’s it for?
To put on the boy’s penis when you’re having sex.
Good! Has your sex ed teacher demonstrated how to put it on?
I left the room to get a banana, shoved it in my belt and threw my shirt over it, and walked back into the living room.
Laura looked at Mommy with a frightened look on her face,
Mommy! Is Daddy going to show us how he puts it on?!?!?
Felicity (8) heard the laughing and came bounding down the stairs.
So I pulled out the banana and demonstrated how to use the condom (on the banana), then quickly went through the reasons why it was important, even telling the girls the benefits of an IUD.
Then I went and made a lubricious loaf of banana bread.