Bananas and Condoms


The bananas were rotting in the fruit basket.

The kids used to eat them like candy, especially when I was trying to get my blood pressure down a few years ago. The blood pressure is fine now, but now nobody eats bananas. I keep buying them, though, just to offer a science lesson on how long it takes the things to rot, depending on atmospheric pressure, presence of fruit flies, how long a light bulb is on in the room, and most importantly, how often the kids clean their rooms.

I do also make a killer loaf of banana bread, but lately, I haven’t the time.

Anyway, I was walking through the living room, my bride was on her phone, sitting in a chair, and my 12-year-old daughter was on the couch, just staring off into the distance. I reached into my back pocket and found a condom there. Pulling it out, I looked at Laura,

Know what this is!?

Yeah. That’s a ‘com-dom’.

Right. What’s it for?

To put on the boy’s penis when you’re having sex.

Good! Has your sex ed teacher demonstrated how to put it on?

Nope.

I left the room to get a banana, shoved it in my belt and threw my shirt over it, and walked back into the living room.

Laura looked at Mommy with a frightened look on her face,

Mommy! Is Daddy going to show us how he puts it on?!?!?

Felicity (8) heard the laughing and came bounding down the stairs.

What!!!?

So I pulled out the banana and demonstrated how to use the condom (on the banana), then quickly went through the reasons why it was important, even telling the girls the benefits of an IUD.

Then I went and made a lubricious loaf of banana bread.

Comments

  1. Golgafrinchan Captain says

    And for anyone who didn’t know, you have to squeeze the reservoir tip before putting it on. It should be sticking off the end, deflated after the condom is rolled down.

    I didn’t know that for a significant while after I became sexually active. It has also been news to many of the people I’ve told since I learned. It seems obvious now but blindspots can be surprisingly obvious sometimes.

    And NO OIL…
    Water- or silicone-based lubes only. Short video on the effects of oil on latex

  2. Dr Sarah says

    Also… after sex has finished, it’s a good idea for the man to pull out while he’s still hard (after climaxing), as it’s easier to hold the condom on that way.

    (Also, yay for you for the excellent preventative health care lesson!)

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