Do You know where you’re going when you die?


“No.”

“Would you like to know?”

“Why yes! Yes I would!”

The gentleman gets a bright light in his eyes as he tries to hide the shocked expression on his face, fumbling for his mostly unopened Bible. His partner in crime shifts nervously on his feet, waiting for an argument and insults to begin pouring from my cracked Minnesota lips.

Ten minutes later, having marched through the highlights of John, Romans, a few verses in Ephesians, along with some scary references from 1 Thessalonians and Revelation, the speaker looks up from his Bible to see my relieved face.

“Thank you so much! I finally have my answer! I’m going to hell. Coffee?”

*splutter…

I turn on my heels to grab a few mugs and the pot as the partner stops shifting, letting a chuckle escape his well practiced smile.

“Sure. Black,” he says, gratefully, as his boss shoots him a murderous look.

 

 

Comments

  1. StonedRanger says

    Already been predetermined. To the nearest crematorium as I personally find the whole burial process to be barbaric. I hate funerals and don’t go to them while Im alive, I will be damned if Im going to have one when Im dead. Burn my body and scatter my ashes near my favorite fishing hole. Done. After that, Ive seen no evidence that I will go anywhere else. Their opinion may be that Im going to hell, but opinions are like…

    • StevoR says

      Not so obviously these days.

      I’d like a Buddhist / Zoroastrian / many Indigenous First Australian tradition style sky burial – placed up to the sky or / & chopped up for the vultures to enjoy!

      Ultimately the molecules of my body will be doing the same as Yorick’s in Hamlet and then as he mused on Alexander’s noble remains turning into bunghole filler* and eventually we’ll all be returned to stardust when Earth itself is melted down by our ballooning redgiant sun and then scattered once more perhaps by our sun’s demise.

      * See : http://nfs.sparknotes.com/hamlet/page_290.html

      HAMLET
      To what base uses we may return, Horatio. Why may not imagination trace the noble dust of Alexander till he find it stopping a bunghole?
      HAMLET
      How low we can fall, Horatio. Isn’t it possible to imagine that the noble ashes of Alexander the Great could end up plugging a hole in a barrel?

      HORATIO
      ‘Twere to consider too curiously, to consider so.
      HORATIO
      If you thought that you’d be thinking too much.

      190

      HAMLET
      No, faith, not a jot. But to follow him thither with modesty enough, and likelihood to lead it, as thus: Alexander died, Alexander was buried, Alexander returneth to dust, the dust is earth, of earth we make loam—and why of that loam, whereto he was converted, might they not stop a beer barrel?
      Imperious Caesar, dead and turned to clay,
      Might stop a hole to keep the wind away.
      Oh, that that earth, which kept the world in awe,
      Should patch a wall t’ expel the winter’s flaw!
      But soft, but soft a while.

      Previous page (right arrow from link) has the musings on the late lamented Jester Yorick’s remains : ” Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio, a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. He hath borne me on his back a thousand times, and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is! My gorge rises at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. —Where be your gibes now? Your gambols? Your songs? Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?”

  2. tecolata says

    I know where I’m going. Into others. I have left written instructions in my will to transplant any useable parts of me. And to dispose of the rest in the most economical and environmentally friendly manner possible. “Possible” must mean legally possible in this case; composting my remains is not lawful.
    I buried my cats in the garden and they are now trees and shrubs (10th life). Sadly, can’t do that with human remains.
    Loved Hamlet quote.

  3. Karen Locke says

    I’ve told my husband that I want my ashes scattered in a subduction zone, where oceanic earth crust is sliding under continental earth crust. Some of the water in the wet downgoing tectonic plate percolates up and contributes to melting of crustal magma in the overriding tectonic plate, creating volcanic magma that then erupts… and the water is contaminated with all kinds of lightweight things, maybe even human ash. So, with a little luck, I could come back as a volcano far into the future. 🙂

    But that’s expensive, so I’ll settle for my ashes becoming part of the Eastern Sierra ecosystem I love so much.

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