February 2011 was the last time I had any electronic, face to face, or otherwise personal contact with Mama. She caused too much stress in my life, as well as my family’s. I wasn’t quite an atheist at that point, but had moved to a better reading of the Bible, should it have been true – the Bible god was a paradox, both evil and good, at the same time. It was this new idea that brought me to atheism.
Mama had better ideas. She was going to get me back under the label of “Christian.” But, in order to do so, she needed to get across to me how I was still her child-son and needed her counsel and wisdom in my life. It got old. Now, I just get letters from her and pass them along to my readers, for mirth and entertainment, as well as a proper warning about what bat-shit crazy looks like.
She reads my blog, so when you comment, you’re also talking to her.
The following package was delivered around Christmas, 2011. On the “envelope” which was nothing more than recycled packaging tape, was inscribed:
VERY, VERY BEST THING NOT TO OPEN UNTIL CHRISTMAS MORNING :).
The nature of the gifts to your children are such that if they receive them soon, they will love them, and the memory, all their lives. But, if too much time goes by before they receive them, the gifts will seem too childish and have lost their magical gleam. So, come soon…..soon…..
Again, as you will see over and over again in these letters and others I transcribe in this series, she enjoys the power of control. Holding gifts hostage until she gets what SHE wants. But wait…it gets worse.
To my bride, Kristine:
Love you, daughter, Mama Mary.
She had been trying to get my wife to call her that for years. It never happened. Maybe that’s why she sent my bride a one-liner and then never mentioned her again in any of the other kid’s notes.
To Renaya (the oldest, then 9, now 13), (in which she folds a $1 bill):
For you I have a cat (a kitten :)). Not a real one, but a statue that sits on your dresser and you can rub its smooth coolness just before you hop into your bed each night.
And Renaya, can you tell your little brother Jack that for him I have a white and cotton-candy-pink trike airplane with pedals, that he can ride down the sidewalk on? And for your baby sister Analisse, a red, white, and blue trike airplane, a smaller one that she can sit on and push herself along with her feet. But the two trike airplanes are buried under the wall crumbles at the back of the basement, so when yourr family comes we’ll need to dig them out and clean them up in the bathtub, or if it is Spring, outside with a hose.
Here is a dollar for you, Renaya, as earnest on the promise. But the promise will end sometime. You can ask your Daddy when that will be. I wrote it in his letter. 🙂
Love, Grandmama, XO!
WOW! She tells my 9 year old that she can have a statue to rub every night and then begs her to come over and dig out some old toys in a crumbling basement, clean them up and give them to her sister and brother. Worse yet, she gives the girl a dollar but puts a guilt trip on her, stating that the dollar is only a bribe if she gets her dear old daddy to bring her over.
To Laura, (8 years old then, 12 now) (in which she folds a $1 bill):
Dear Laura Rose,
For you I have a cat (a kitten :)). Not a real one, but a statue that sits on your dresser and you can rub its smooth coolness just before you hop into your bed each night. There is a black one, and a cream-and-brown one, and you and Renaya can decide which one each of you would like as your own.
When your family comes, we can wrap the kittens well, so they will not break on the way home.
Here is a dollar for you, Laura Rose, as earnest on the promise. But, the promise will end sometime. You can ask your Daddy when that will be. I wrote it in his letter. 🙂
Love, Grandmama XO!
P.S. Here is a kiss and a hug for Jack XO! and for Analisse XO! Will you give them to them for me? Thank you.
To Frederic, (6 years old then, 11 now) (in which she folds a $1 bill):
For you I have a puppy, not a real one :), but a statue that sits on your dresser so you can rub the cool smoothness of its head before you jump into bed each night.
When your family comes to my house, we can wrap the puppy up real good so it will not break on the way home.
Here is a dollar for you, Frederic, as earnest on the promise. You can ask your Daddy what “earnest” means. 🙂
Love, Grandmama XO!
Fred and Laura spent the money.
To Felicity, (4 years old then, 8 now) (in which she folds a $1 bill and tapes a quarter):
For you I have a horse (a pony :)). Not a real one, but a wooden one like your cousin’s that sits on your dresser, and before you hop into bed each night you can rock it while it sits on your dresser, and listen to it go “clickety clack, clickety clack”, as if it was trotting down the street!
[Perfectly fine note for a 4 year old. But it isn’t the gift she is focusing on, as you’ll see when I finish this note, rather, it is the power she wants when she sees us walk to her door. It’s sick to use kids as pawns.
Now, back to the letter to Felicity…]
When your family comes to my house we can put it in a box for you to carry safely home to put on your dresser.
Here is a dollar for you, Felicity, as earnest. You can ask your Daddy what “earnest” means. 🙂
And Felicity, can you give this quarter to Jack so he can put it in his piggy bank? Thank you.
Love, Grandmama XO!