Letters From Mama: God Will Not Bless Your Marriage

Now, I will introduce you to one of my most popular series on my old blog, off in that dusty corner of the internet.

I grew up in an abusive environment, learning to cope quite well until I was 19 years old. At that point in my life, the heat got too hot and I was ready to be free. I left and went to live with my dad to get on my feet and expose myself to the real world in full color, rather than a world through sheltered and well defined, paranoiac lenses. My freedom came with many bumps in the road as I discovered that I was truly lazy when I wasn’t being yelled at to accomplish a task. I needed to mature…grow up. Life moved very fast and I needed to jump in and roll with it.

One day, I went on a weekend trip to Spirit Mountain in Duluth, Minnesota and met a girl. She was struggling to set up her tent and I squirted over to help her. The rest was history. We fell in love, I proposed less than two months later, and we were married a year to the day we met.

Let’s back up to July 17, 2001 – the day the love of my life and I decided on the date of the wedding. My mother, who henceforth will be referred to as “Mama,” sent me a letter. I had left her world nearly two years prior and she would leave no stone un-turned trying to get me back. Using religion and false warmth was her favorite tactic.

Dear Joseph,

I had been going by “Joe” for years. Ever since I left her home, I never went by my full name. She knew this and used my full name at every opportunity.

Forgive me; all the issues I obtained for you of This Old House, I’d thought I was giving you the most precious gift; I looked through the last one I’d gotten, and found I’d been giving you a magazine that had liquor, smoking, and more and more sensuality being slipped in. I am so sorry. I trust that my prayers for you had kept your discernment muscle strong.

First of all, I knew when Mama started out with an apology that she wanted something. She was never wrong. Additionally, she was reading my mail. But it wasn’t just my mail. She had ordered a subscription to This Old House for me, then had it delivered to her house, so I would have to come and pick it up, more than likely even be required to live there again. Get used to this type of manipulation.

Finally, my father had smoked for many years. Who did I go to heal with when I “escaped” her home? My father’s house. She knew full well what she was doing in writing this. And, to set the record straight, I love women and liquor (some liquor, anyway).

Joseph, my precious son, I have been young, and now I am old(er). All of my discipling (sic) since I have been saved has been right down this line – relationships and how God allows them to work or not work. HE DOES NOT ALLOW IT TO WORK IF YOUR PARENTS HAVE NOT GIVEN THEIR BLESSING.

My mother has actually been up on Mount Sinai and spoken to God herself. Moses had nothing on her. Moreover, she was thorough in her research before she wrote this letter, insomuch that she interviewed several billion couples that had tied the knot and believed in her god. Every couple that told her their relationship was perfect also let her know that they had received a full blessing from both sets of parents. Those couples that had eloped or had gotten hitched where at least one parent’s consent was not solidified, had either gotten divorced, murdered each other, or became gay.

Please do not set yourself up for misery, Joseph. Please wait until Papa releases you, deeming you fully mature in his eyes.

Now that went a bit too far. Mama had refused to have a relationship with my dad (Papa) since the divorce in 1987, unless he met her every demand. How did she know what his desires for my life were? Not to mention, he did exactly as a father should – gave me great counsel and kicked me off the branch, believing I could fly. He was a good dad.

I love you so much, and I would take the anguish you are going to go through, upon myself if God would let me. He cannot contradict Himself, Joseph.

Unfortunately for Mama, nowhere in the Bible does it say that a man or woman needs their parents permission to marry someone else. Sure, there are descriptions of marriages where the father chose the bride for his son. Also, the Benjamites lost a ton of womenfolk in a war that God brought upon them, so the dudes ran to another tribe and kidnapped some women for wives – also sanctioned by God. Hosea went and bought a prostitute as a wife – also sanctioned by God. David had wives and not ONCE did he ask his dad’s permission in the text and yet he was considered a man after God’s own heart. Her assertion was pure poppycock.

Also, “God never contradicts himself”? Right…apparently, the world’s most godly woman has never read the Bible.

Please ponder Hebrews 13:8.

Hebrews 13:8 says:

Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

It’s funny she uses this verse. Verse 7 would have worked toward her point much better:

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.

And finally, the salutation:

In tears of anguish for your sake, yet, even so He gives me John 14:27, “If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and have seen him.”

Mama XO

My Mama is a trip. I’ll post more letters in the future.


    • LicoriceAllsort says

      Wow, CD, I just stumbled down a huge rabbit hole from your link. The past 24 hours have been a real roller coaster. Thank you so much for sharing that. So many things make sense now. *goes to cry some more*

  1. StevoR says

    David had wives and not ONCE did he ask his dad’s permission in the text and yet he was considered a man after God’s own heart.

    Yes – and also David had a sacred love bond with Jonathon, Saul’s son too.

    http://www.bricktestament.com/david_vs_saul/jonathan_and_david/1s20_01.html (& subsequent pages.)

    1 Samuel 20:1
    David fled the huts in Ramah and came to Jonathan and said, ‘How have I wronged your father, that he seeks to take my life?’
    1 Samuel 20:2
    Jonathan replied, ‘It can’t be true! My father does nothing great or small without telling me. Why would he hide this from me?’
    1 Samuel 20:3
    But David vowed, saying, ‘Your father knows very well the fact that you like me and thought, “Jonathan must not know of this or he will be grieved.” Truly I am a step away from death!’
    1 Samuel 20:12-13
    Jonathan said, ‘I will sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow. If my father means to harm you, may Yahweh curse me and worse if I do not let you know and send you away to safety!’
    1 Samuel 20:14-15
    ‘But as long as I am alive, never withdraw your faithful love from me. Not even when Yahweh has exterminated all of David’s enemies off the face of the earth.’
    1 Samuel 20:17
    Jonathan made David swear again by his love for him, for he loved him with his whole being.

    The story goes on to tell of Jonathon and David’s relationship :

    (Same source as above / ibid.)

    1 Samuel 20:41
    They kissed each other.
    1 Samuel 20:41
    And they wept together until David exceeded.*

    & then :

    1 Samuel 20:42
    Jonathan said to David, ‘Go in peace, for we have sworn in the name of Yahweh that Yahweh will bond you and me and your descendants and my descendants forever.’

    So There we have a (okay, sort of, kinda for the times?) equal – & polyg/androus/amous marriage in the flippin’ Old Testament itself! I really think those verses should be quoted more often and become much better known..

    * Yeah, that’s just gotta be some type of ancient times weasel-word right? Same as “thigh” and “know'” in their Biblical senses of meaning?

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