“Daddy, did you and Analisse go to the Children’s Museum in a bus last night?”
Felicity (8) was standing next to me, her eyes pleading with me for this not to be true. Her younger sister getting to go somewhere fun while she slaved away at school, the perfect and gifted student.
“No, we actually went on an airplane!”
“Nuh uh, Daddy! That’s impossible! You wouldn’t get home in time!”
“Well now, it was a fast plane! We flew over a jungle and watched tigers run below us. Then we watched cats herding cows. They were surprisingly deft at the task. Cows are very subservient to a nearly inaudible ‘meow’.”
“Daddy!!!,” Felicity was beaming and giggling uncontrollably. Analisse (The Freak) (5) was laughing, wondering how she was going to prove the truth of my story, her eyes flitting from person to person in the room.
“Then we landed in a muddy cornfield and made skunk sandwiches. They were surprisingly good! Unfortunately, Ani got a live one and it sprayed her in the face! I washed it with a tomato.”
Laughing out the words, Analisse yelled, “And I wiped my face off!”
“No. I licked the tomato off,” I retorted.
“Then I wiped the pupato off…”
“No, I handed you a cat and the cat licked you clean.”
“Then I wiped the cat’s spit off,” Analisse giggled.
Felicity was smiling ear to ear. “Daddy, what time did you get home?”
“Just before you got home from school,” I said.
Felicity laughed, an exasperated shaking of her arms, straightening them at her side. She looked at The Freak, her eyes glinting with mirth.
“Now get your asses in bed!”
Needless to say, they’re still up.