Not Sad, Just Amused

I got a payment from Lulu today (somewhere in the low double digits), representing my Christmas revenue from my books. Seven people got a copy of one of my books–in four countries on two continents! Which is really cool, actually. Ok, three of them got free copies (word to the wise–this means if you look in the right place, volumes one and two can be got for free), so a total of four people paid for my book this past Christmas season. And I love them for it.

You don’t get rich in the rhyme business. I figure I have earned roughly a dollar per original verse since moving here (excluding limericks, and excluding stuff from the old blog, the inclusion of either would bring the per-verse [not perverse] revenue significantly lower). This has allowed me to buy a few cephalopodmas gifts for the family I would not have otherwise been able to, and that is just fine.

But if any of you happen to be philanthropic billionaires looking for a tax dodge…

I’d shill for a shilling
But no one is willing
To pay for the things that I write.
I’d rant and I’d holler
For minimum dollar
But no one is offering, quite.
A couple of euros
To stuff in my bureau’s
Sufficient for verses like these;
Though some call it whoring,
I’m begging–imploring–
Come, sully my principles, please!
If someone would shell out,
I’d promise to sell out–
My standards, I’ll keep in my purse–
For now, though, I’m sighing
Cos no one is buying…
And all I can write is Free Verse.

Mind you, that one is from the old blog, so I don’t count it as earning me a cent. Oh, and the books are available at the “cuttlestuff” link at the top of this page, and it won’t bother me a bit if you hunt around for the free ones.


  1. procrastinator will get an avatar real soon now says

    I think I got the free versions too but I later bought a Cuttlefish coffee cup which looks great. Recommended.

  2. Cuttlefish says

    Yay, procrastinator!

    I actually just found out today that people actually did buy some cephalopodmas gifts at CafePress (things like your mug, which I also have, which is just gorgeous). I was looking in the wrong place, so I didn’t know! Turns out I just got sent my first payment, two days ago! So… since 2009, I have earned just over 25 bucks! If I keep this up, I’ll be a millionaire just by the time the sun explodes!

  3. Suido says

    I’m no philanthropic billionaire, but if I was I wouldn’t dream of holding you hostage over that aberrant apostrophe that’s ruining the delightful rhyming of euros with bureaus. Oh no, I’d probably even give you $25. Gosh, the things I could do if I was rich.

    As it is, I’ll just wander over to your bookstore and cafepress.

  4. Cuttlefish says

    Ha! Suido, that apostrophe is not errant! In this case, “bureau’s” is “bureau is” (a couple of euros to stuff in my bureau is sufficient…), rather than misguided plural (I have but one bureau) or misguided possessive (my bureau’s top drawer, perhaps?).

    But have fun wandering!

  5. Suido says

    Bah, I didn’t see that alternative. I settled on the plural as the most likely meaning after trying to figure out if either of the two misguided option weren’t misguided. I even considered that you’d put it in aesthetically, as bureaus looks funny.

    *Saunters away, whistling bashfully.*

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