I’d Like To Return This Gift, God…

It seems that perhaps abortion is going to be an issue again, maybe for a whole news cycle. Yet another Republican has spoken what he believes is the honest truth, and this is news because it clashes with the real world. Pregnancy, even due to rape, is a gift from God; as we know from earlier, it can only be a pregnancy if it wasn’t legitimate rape, anyway.

The Republican Party platform opposes abortion, and lists no exceptions (indeed, it applauds legislation that makes abortion more difficult to obtain). Not just the POTUS, but Congress and potential Supreme Court nominees are at stake, and all are relevant for this issue.

Anyway, it’s time to re-post this verse. It becomes relevant all too frequently. Oh… and, while I’ve never had a problem with people not recognizing it is satire, a recent comment came in that made me think that there are a handful of readers who don’t get it.

Jennifer, Jennifer, got herself pregnant,
The poor, irresponsible slut.
See, boys will be boys, so it’s up to the girls
To be moral, and keep their legs shut.
But Jennifer, Jennifer, couldn’t be bothered;
She led her young Billy astray.
They met, after classes, at Jennifer’s house,
And now there’s a kid on the way.

Jennifer, Jennifer, wants an abortion—
She says she’s too young for a baby—
But the law of the land says abortion is murder;
The answer is no, and not maybe.
See, murder is murder; we cannot condone
The destruction of innocent life.
And Billy, of course, is an innocent, too,
And he’s much, much too young for a wife.

So Jennifer, Jennifer, finds herself caught
In the view of a watchful Big Brother,
And Country and Church have a task on their hands—
How to keep the babe safe from its mother.
If murder is murder, for fetus or child,
Then surely assault is assault;
A fetus is damaged by drinking or smoking,
And all of it, Jennifer’s fault.

If Jennifer, Jennifer, falls down the stairs
Then the baby inside could be harmed;
And since that poor child is a ward of the state
It is right we should all be alarmed!
So Jennifer, Jennifer, needs to be safe
For the sake of the babe in her womb;
To keep the poor innocent safe from all harm,
Let’s keep Jennifer locked in her room.

But Jennifer, Jennifer, isn’t the first
Nor the last to be pregnant, you see.
The task that’s before us—protecting our children—
Is crucial, I think you’ll agree.
With the passing to law of my modest proposal,
I honestly think we’ll prevail.
It’s simple: Each woman who finds herself pregnant
Must spend the next nine months in jail.

Jennifer, Jennifer, shielded from harm
In a cell with a toilet and cot
With a closed-circuit camera, an unblinking eye,
For the safety of Jennifer’s tot.
When at last you deliver your new baby boy
We’ll whisk you right out through the door;
We care about kids while they’re inside your womb—
Once they’re out, we don’t care any more.

And Jennifer, Jennifer, can’t find her Billy—
Besides, he’s too young for a wife—
She weighs her alternatives, looks down each road…
And reluctantly takes her own life.

And the church says a prayer for the baby unborn
And a heartfelt and tearful farewell.
But Jennifer, Jennifer, so says the church,
Will be heading directly to hell.


  1. Randomfactor says

    If aborted babies go to heaven, it’s a horrible sin NOT to abort them. If they don’t, then that whole “merciful god” schtick is a contemptible lie.

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