Be Prepared (To Lie)!

Be prepared! That’s the Boy Scout’s marching song
Be prepared! Though your moral stance is wrong—
Be prepared to hide the fact that you are gay
Let our antiquated stands lead you astray…

Be Prepared! To hide the person whom you love
Just pretend, that you believe in God above—
Keep your private feelings hidden where
You’re sure they won’t be found
And be careful not to show them
When the scoutmaster’s around
For the simple truth may leave the master scared—
Be prepared!

Be prepared! That’s the Boy Scouts’ solemn creed
Be prepared! Cos the Boy Scouts are in need!
Don’t pretend you’re independent—don’t make waves
Just behave like every other scout behaves

Be prepared! And be careful to deny!
Live your life—but just live it as a lie
As you’re starting to discover
What your life is all about
You should know there are some questions
That will get your ass kicked out
When the BSA discovers what you’ve shared.
They’re prepared!

You know, Lehrer’s song was much nicer when it was just poking fun at the Boy Scouts for being, well, such Boy Scouts. Now, they are not just Boy Scouts, they are institutional bigots. Fresh-faced little boys come to our door, selling tins of Boy Scout popcorn, and they just smile grimly and nod when I tell them why I won’t support them. Hey, some of those boys will eventually become politically active within the BSA and make a difference. Or quit.

Tom Lehrer’s infinitely superior version:


  1. Pierce R. Butler says

    The BSA statement explicitly declares membership policies will not be changed, but addresses only the particular case of “issues of same-sex orientation”.

    Unless there have been other changes that I missed, it would seem the ban against atheists remains in force, possibly more so in that the whole question has become literally unspeakable. Does anybody have info on this, one way or t’other?

  2. Randomfactor says

    Be prepared
    to mouth that lame apostle’s creed
    be prepared
    to say that faith is all you need
    for the Boy Scouts don’t just denigrate the gay
    they also have it in for those who just don’t pray…

    Don’t forget they don’t like us atheists much either. I know a former Boy Scout who stopped short of Eagle because of it.

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