The Evils Of Gay Marriage

Larry and Robert are married.
They live in a house on our street.
They’re wonderfully helpful as neighbors,
And as nice as you’re likely to meet.

Their son is a friend of our daughter’s
Their daughter, a friend of our son’s;
If you’re looking for light conversation,
Or for helpful advice, they’re the ones. (continues, after the jump:)

They’ve been married for not very long now,
But together for twenty-some years
Since they fell for each other in high school
And supported each other’s careers

They’re clearly in love with each other;
The kids in the neighborhood know
You can see it in every encounter
Unembarrassed to let their hearts show

Now, my priest has a different opinion,
And I asked him to share it (of course)–
His view is, this blasphemous union
Is the same as a man and a horse!

It’s too bad their behavior is sinful
And their marriage is ruining mine
And that God disapproves of their union
Cos aside from those facts… they’re just fine.

Based loosely on these wonderful kids, and on my very real neighbors, whose names have been changed.


  1. Mimmoth says


    It reminds me a bit of my Dad talking about a gay couple who moved in across the street from him (many years after I went away to college) and who sometimes help him out by getting the mail when he is gone for a few days.

  2. says

    Cuttlefish, you’ve described our neighbors perfectly! Only we are not living in an equal marriage state, so our friends have not been able to marry. They have been partners for over 30 years.

  3. Cuttlefish says

    Yeah, Nifty… the sad truth is, these neighbors did not actually get married here, and have moved to a state where they cannot. But they are such wonderful people…

  4. Dorothy says

    My husband and I stayed with a nice couple in the days after we had sold one house and could not yet move in to another. We stayed friends, although we lived in a region of Ontario which tends towards the worst of the US midwest. When my husband died, the community rallied round, sort of, and very welcome I am sure. But since they all have their own lives, …
    Kevin and Charlie offered, and kept up their offer. They promised one day, each spring and fall, to do all the bits and pieces I had relied on Elliott to do – you know, the Honey Do list. And unlimited hugs. which were desperately needed.
    I miss them both now that I have moved to Guelph.
    They had never married, although it is allowed in Ontario. But they are a couple, and a couple of the nicest people I have ever met.
    Sorry, two large glasses of wine towards bedtime …-

  5. Dorothy says

    I am old enough that I was young in the 60s. Wasn’t that what it was all about? The whole free love thing? I really do not understand why we can’t just all get along?

  6. Dorothy says

    As one of our prime ministers said, and I probably misquote, the state has no business in the bedrooms of the nation. Or, to paraphrase, what two consenting adults get up to in their own spare time is none of anybody’s business – always providing that they don’t do it in public and frighten the horses.

  7. says

    Great Post Cuttlefish. We have had homosexuals neighbors and I would have to say, you describe mine and my wife’s relationship with them well. It really is sad that the only thing holding back the full amount of happiness and joy for homosexual people is religion. If religion were taken out of the equation, the rest of bigotry would fall by the wayside pretty quickly.

  8. Kevin says

    A good friend of mine is about to move for the sole reason that he wants to get married to his partner of more than 10 years.

    They can’t do it here, so they’re moving to a place not so insanely bigoted.

  9. ~pickles says

    Thank you, Cuttlefish, I have shared this on in hopes that others may read and reflect.

    -An adoring fan

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