Headline Muse, 10/31

Tom Keith was a master of sound
What he did with his voice would astound
Now I’m empty inside
Cos I hear that he’s died
And his equal may never be found.

Headline: Tom Keith, ‘A Prairie Home Companion’s’ Sound Guy, Has Died

Tom Keith was amazing. I listened to PHC just to hear what he could do. See, the thing is, I do that too. In my classes. I provide all the sound effects to my stories–I thought everybody did, but in observing other teachers, I find this not to be the case.

Some people have their little dreams of playing catch with their sports hero, or acting with their favorite star, or hanging out with Stephen Hawking. Me, I wanted a guest gig on PHC, dueling sound effects with Tom Keith.

Gotta scratch that one off the list, unaccomplished.

Homeopathic Science

It’s a wholly different system–
There are data, but you missed ’em,
In the infinite dilution of our minds!
Modern medicine is bleaker
Cos our evidence is weaker,
Which is stronger, as our different system finds!

All those articles and studies
That you put out with your buddies,
Which you think will make your evidence more strong?
It is our determination
Through our less-is-more translation,
Each one proves that Western Medicine is wrong!

While you losers have fun losing
We’re diluting and succusing,
Gaining power modern science can’t assess–
And our strongest contribution
May be found in this solution:
Common sense (at just one molecule, or less)!

Strange. When I wrote this last year, PZ was complaining about homeopaths on his campus. Some things never change.

Warning! Avert Your Eyes!

There are people teaching tolerance—
They’re marching up the block—
I thought I ought to warn you
So you wouldn’t die of shock.
Their message of diversity,
Acceptance, and respect
Will likely reach our kids, if it’s
Allowed to spread unchecked.
We must protect the children
From equality, or worse!
I recommend you read to them
This welcome bible verse.
Our Christian moral values
Are enshrined within that book

There are people teaching tolerance…
You might not want to look.

Stephanie over at Almost Diamonds has the story.

Trick Or Treat With Jesus

Jesus came back from the dead tonight
(He said he had done it before)
He took to the streets in the Bible Belt
With the children in masks, door to door.

With pirates, and goblins, and heroes, and ghosts
Came the Savior, the true child of God
On the streets where the Christian majority lives
It was more than a little bit odd:

Wherever they stopped, the people would guess
(Cos that’s what the homeowner does)
Though Jesus was Jesus, and not in disguise
Not one of them knew who He was.

The Jesus they know is the one they created,
Who thinks like, and looks like, themselves
Whose stories they hear in their sermons, but not
In the bibles that sit on their shelves.

If Jesus existed, if Jesus was real,
If He died on the cross for our sins
He wouldn’t want gays to be punished for love
Or care if a Democrat wins.

He wouldn’t want lies taught to children in school;
He wouldn’t want homeless to freeze
The weakest and weariest crying for help
In a system that’s deaf to their pleas

I worry, you know, for the Christian Right—
And (of course) for the human race—
When Jesus himself goes from door to door
And no one knows his face

Hey, the power was out; I had to do something.

Eating Mermaid

A fish connoisseur made paella with Mermaid;
He thought the aroma was nice.
With garnish of seaweed (his sycophants “oui-oui-ed”)
And saffron infusing the rice.
He clarified butter, and started to mutter
“It tastes like it’s really Mazola”
Then added blue cheeses: “the trick, if you please, is—
With Gorgon, you need gorgonzola!”
With minimum bluster, he gutted and trussed her;
You see, in his studies, he’d learned
That the delicate features of mermaid-like creatures,
If left unattended, get burned.
The succulent breast of (as well as the rest of)
The meal, would make proud its creator;
I was told that one bite would bring utter delight,
And I could not refuse… so I ate her.

Originally, I wrote this when I learned that there was a fatwa against eating mermaid. I shit you not. Today, I was simply reminded of the verse, because I am doing a bit of cooking, and an excellent Stilton got me thinking of blue cheeses. Besides, I can’t let Physioprof be the only one on FtB who posts about food.

The End Of “The End Of The World”

They’ve scrubbed all the dirt from their website
The predictions that somehow went wrong
If a visitor didn’t know better
You’d think they’d been sane all along

They still believe Jesus is coming
They’re no longer predicting a date
They’re confused that they’re still here to wonder
But they’re putting it all down to fate

Somewhere, a lunatic’s howling
His freak-flag is proudly unfurled
But Harold has given up doomsdays
It’s the end of “the end of the world”

They used to say “Jesus is coming!”
They’d done so for fifty-odd years
“So send us your prayers and donations!”
There’s money in preying on fears

But they went to the well once too often
With a guaranteed rapture. Then two.
When the end didn’t come as predicted
Well, what’s an old con-man to do?

Somewhere, a lunatic’s howling
His banner is proudly unfurled
But Harold has given up doomsdays
It’s the end of “the end of the world”

Headline Muse, 10/28

For the Greeks, after weeks, we can say
There are reasons to party today
Which they will, even though
It’s a day to say “NO!”
On this «ΟΧΙ» day, time to say «ναι»

Headline: Ή με τους ήρωες του «ΟΧΙ» ή με τους φαύλους του «ναι σε όλα»

Today is the 71st anniversary of ΟΧΙ day–the day the Greeks refused to surrender to Mussolini. The dictator’s demands were responded to with a single word–ΟΧΙ, or “no”–and “no” has been a part of the national character ever since.

Of course, the sacrifice of those who backed up that “no” is honored mostly by lip service. Just as in the US, sacrifice isn’t what it used to be. Part of the current financial crisis, here and there, comes from being too willing to say “yes”.

For God And For Country (But Mostly For God)

The chaplains are ready to answer the call
In the guise of supporting our fitness
To breach and dismantle the church-and-state wall
And to act as a born-again witness

And the Head of the chaplains will smile and nod,
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

To protect and defend, you remember the oath,
So there’s no use in getting indignant
But I think I’ve detected a spiritual growth
And I’m worried it might be malignant

A chaplain, who shepherds the men in his squad
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

There’s no cause for worry, no need for alarm
It’s only the damn constitution
And the chaplain, who’s keeping your soul safe from harm
Is the problem, and not the solution

But they’ve been there so long it no longer seems odd
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

The problem is growing, of that there’s no doubt
And the bible does not hold the answer
The simple solution—you cut it right out
Cos that’s what you do with a cancer

It’s a cult, once you see past the shiny façade
For God and for country (but mostly for God)

Two things. Go here and read this. And even more importantly (US Citizens only), go here and sign this. As of this writing, only 376113 (update just after 9PM Eastern)87 (just after 10PM) signatures are needed. You do have to register, but it’s painless, takes only a minute or so, and damn is it a good cause.