The Perfect Republican Candidate

We’re looking for a candidate
A good and Christian man
We need to win the White House
With God’s help, I think we can

He loves the Constitution
And our freedoms and our laws
With the possible exception
Of one first amendment clause

Cos the freedom of religion
Is for Christians, as a rule
The founding fathers wanted
Christian prayer in public school

A candidate who’s proud to say
That Jesus is his savior
Is so much more important than
That candidate’s behavior

He’s so pro-life, he’s willing to
Amend the constitution
To make sure life’s protected
All the way till execution

He’ll put the Ten Commandments
In each courthouse in the land
A cross on every corner, and
A bible in each hand

The kids will pledge allegiance,
To their flag and to their god
Then time for their devotionals
And every head will nod

It’s possible, just maybe
Such a candidate would please us
And be worthy to be president…
Of the United States of Jesus


  1. lordshipmayhem says

    The problem that the Evangelical Right has is that candidates for the most powerful office in the land are usually quite closely examined by the general electorate, and the general electorate tends to be turned off by evangelical Christian candidates. They’re also not terribly thrilled by Mormon candidates.

  2. SIWOTI says

    “That Jesus in his savior” — is

    Ok, now that we’ve fixed the typo…
    RE: “The kids will pledge allegiance, To their flag and to their god”

    I’m old enough to have learned the Pledge before it contained the God reference. I’m not much on pledging so I don’t recite it along with the crowd on those ocassions when it comes up but if I were to, I would leave out the ‘under God’. On the other hand that is a catchy title for the country — United States of Jesus. Although I might spice it up a bit; The United States of Jesus Fucking Christ Almighty.

    Eat well, stay fit, Die Anyway.

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