There’s been a bit of talk here and there about Pat Robertson’s take on Halloween Two years ago, a similar message was apparently too extreme for the CBN website to keep up, and was pulled. In two years, the window has shifted, and it is now acceptable for grown adults to speak of witches hexing halloween candy.

More after the jump:

It’s almost time for Trick Or Treat,
And now I’m in a panic—
I’m doubting if my candy is
Sufficiently Satanic!
The needles, pins, and razor blades
(Which used to be tradition)
Are terribly old-fashioned now;
I need new ammunition!
The local Coven gave their curse
As every Coven should,
But will that really be enough
To drive away the Good?
The fundies warn us all about
The evil of this day—
How just by eating candy, we
Become the Devil’s prey!
But I wonder, as I always do,
As kids come to my door,
With all the curses I have cast,
Perhaps I should do more?
I’ve made a perfect pentagram
Of skittle, corn, and dud,
Then baptized all my candy in
A newborn infant’s blood.
While waiting for the mess to dry
I reveled with a goat—
Now every child’s candy sends
Some evil down their throat.

The last I’ve ever had such fun
I don’t remember when—
Too bad I’m not as scary as
The folks from CBN.


  1. zackoz says

    The ad on my page says “The story of Satan”,
    Just a bit better than the one about datin’
    But you can be sure there’ll always be hatin’
    When they wave the collection tin.

    The aim as always is to scare the bejesus
    Out of the rubes and marks of the sleazes
    To threaten with goblins, ogres, diseases,
    So the cash keeps rolling in.

    (You see what I did there)

  2. Rikitiki says

    Love what Robertson said here: “Its skeletons and all this, like the dead rising” — that totally sproinged my irony meter.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *