Happy Sacrifice Isaac day!

Udo gets out in front of the war on Christmas rhetoric to reassure nervous Fox News addicts.

There is no war. Atheists like festivities as much as the next person. We just don’t pretend it has anything to do with god sending baby Jesus to carry presents to some wise guys.

One also can’t help but wonder how many the Muslims enjoying their Eid al-Adha celebrations would be willing to sacrifice their sons to their God, because Eid celebrations are actually celebrating a father’s willingness to sacrifice his son to demonstrate obedience to Allah – it goes without saying that the Bible offers similarly disconcerting stories of human sacrifice in the name of the Lord.

Seriously. Imagine a holiday celebrating Abraham’s willingness to cut Isaac’s throat by way of showing submission to god. What would be the right presents to give? What would be for dinner?


  1. Subtract Hominem, a product of Nauseam says

    What would be for dinner?

    Oh, you know. Veal, eggs, caviar, assorted sprouts, baby corn. Be sure to burngrill the meat dishes to make a pleasing odor unto the guests.

  2. ajb47 says

    What would be the right presents to give?

    Warm socks.

    What would be for dinner?

    Long pig, obviously. With fig tarts for dessert.

  3. Goodbye Enemy Janine says

    The story of how Abraham was willing to murder his son, Isaac, was part of the reason why I ended up rejecting christianity. Simply because Abraham was willing to murder his child because an authority figure told him to, he is a figure to admire? Hey, he was only following orders.

    And Jehovah, continuing with his acts of assholery. Eat all you want, except from this one tree. Lucifer, go ahead and kill all of Job’s children and give him boils, great bet! Abraham, kill me a son. This is the paragon of virtue that I am not good enough to be around, except for the grace that is lent to me.

    Petty child tyrant.

  4. Al Dente says

    My mental picture of Yahweh telling Abraham to sacrifice Isaac has Yahweh stopping the throat slitting at the last minute and telling Abraham: “Wow, I really had you going there. That was hilarious! I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.”

    Don’t the Jews and Christians read their own propaganda? Abraham and Isaac is just another example of Yahweh being a sadistic bully.

  5. sc_770d159609e0f8deaa72849e3731a29d says

    There’s an English suet and jam pudding known to schoolchildren as “dead baby”.

    The Parable of the Old Man and the Young

    So Abram rose, and clave the wood, and went,
    And took the fire with him, and a knife.
    And as they sojourned both of them together,
    Isaac the first-born spake and said, My Father,
    Behold the preparations, fire and iron,
    But where the lamb for this burnt offering?
    Then Abram bound the youth with belts and straps,
    And builded parapets and trenches there,
    And stretched forth the knife to slay his son.
    When lo! an angel called him out of heaven,
    Saying, Lay not thy hand upon the lad,
    Neither do anything to him. Behold,
    A ram, caught in the thicket by its horns;
    Offer the Ram of Pride instead of him.

    But the old man would not so, but slew his son,
    And half the seed of Europe, one by one.

    -Wilfred Owen

  6. says

    What do the Eid celebrations look like? A lot like Christmas, funnily enough, except that sheep feature a lot in the imagery, instead of fir trees and holly, and the main dish is of course mutton. Traditional gifts are new clothes for kids. Or at least that’s what I’ve heard from Muslim friends and colleagues. Basically, as sanitized and removed from Biblical gore as the Easter Sunday roast lamb… which is meant for Jesus Dying For Our Sins™, of course. More human sacrifice passed of as “sublime symbolism” and all that jazz.

  7. Silentbob says

    Well Passover, as I understand it, celebrates God “passing over” the houses of the Hebrews… while he’s busy going through Egypt slaughtering children en masse. Not quite as disturbing as celebrating a willingness to kill your own children, I grant you.

  8. R Johnston says

    Christianity already has a holiday celebrating human sacrifice: Easter. There’s no need to imagine what one would be like.

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