Buy me shoooooooooooes

Ok I put up the personal me me me me give it all to me PayPal buttons. They’re over there. On the left. Not as far down. Easy to spot.

This is the perfect way to spite the harassers. They will be so disgusted their nostrils will ache, and I will treat myself to a package of Pepperidge Farm orange Milano cookies on sale this week at Safeway for ONLY TWO DOLLARS.


  1. Josh, Official Spokesgay says

    I will be asking for an audited grocery receipt showing you did not waste MY MONEY on full-price gourmet cookies.

  2. rnilsson says

    Thank you, Ophelia! Looks like we pushed some of the correct buttons. 🙂 Have another cookie, it’s on me!

  3. Rob says

    You’ll only get shoe laces for the amount I’ve donated, or maybe cookies. Spend the money however you like. This is the cheapest entertainment I’ve had all year.

  4. melissajones says

    I sent enough for you to get the beverage of your choice. Gotta have sumpin’ to wash down those ‘spensive cookies. I love you Ophelia Benson:>

  5. markr1957 says

    You might get half a shoe out of my donation, or possibly a whole packet of cookies, but enjoy either way. You and everyone at FtB keep me in close proximity to my sanity, what with me living in Teh Babble Belt down here in Looeezzeeaannaa.

  6. Dave Ricks says

    Oh sure, you say it’s for shoes and cookies, but how do I know you won’t spend it on books?

  7. hjhornbeck says

    Goddammit, I was so eager to help out that I missed contributing to your cookie fund!!

    Just you wait ’till next paycheck, Bensen! Just. You. Wait.

    [squints eyes menacingly]

  8. llewelly says

    You had better not waste MY MONEY on cheap boots! Do not buy cheap cardboard boots that leak like after only a season!

  9. Stevarious, Public Health Problem says

    Oh how I wish I had money to give to your delightful cookies-n-shoes fund!

    Alas, I’m still trying to figure out how to pay my electricity bill. Maybe next time. :/

  10. fwtbc says

    Un oh, now you’ve done it. Now you’re just like Planned Parenthood. No matter how much you get in donations vs. how much you earn via other means, the donations will infect your full income and you can never, ever buy anything again without it being the squandering of money donated in good faith on silly luxuries, just like all that gumment money slaughters all the little babies at PP. 🙁

  11. Aratina Cage says

    I did get the cookies! I decided on the new dark chocolate squashy filling type instead of orange. Pretty good.

    HahahaHAha, haters.

    LOL! This was a great idea. Next time go for the even moar expensive cookies!

  12. latsot says

    Since I keep being accused of promoting the Benson religion it seems only fair that I contribute to the collection plate.

  13. sheila says

    Come to the dark side! We have cookies!

    I’m sure I can send you enough for some ramen noodles.

    Na, na na na-na-na-narrrrrrr
    Hey Jude

  14. hjhornbeck says


    That’s better.

    My eyes were really starting to water there. [blinks in relief]

  15. skmc says

    But she can has BACON TOOTHPASTE

    For the curious: I got some of that bacon toothpaste at the National Museum of Dentistry in Baltimore. Sadly, it does not do a credible bacon impression. The cupcake flavor was closer to the mark (the cupcake mark of course, not the bacon mark). Some bacon-mimicry products are better than others.

    The Museum, however, is AWESOME! Highly recommend. Just, BYOB (bring your own bacon), is what I’m saying.

  16. latsot says

    Presumably we could all just brush our teeth with bacon instead of toothbrushes.

    Although I should probably point out that I’m not actually a dentist.

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