Crack that wrist

A pastor gives some advice to parents on how to police their children’s genders. With boys you’re supposed to give them a good punch. With girls you’re supposed to call them sweetheart and then shout as loud as you can. That’s gender-modeling right there: punching for boys, sweetheart + shouting for girls.

So your little son starts to act a little girlish when he is four years old and instead of squashing that like a cockroach and saying, “Man up, son, get that dress off you and get outside and dig a ditch, because that’s what boys do”


you get out the camera and you start taking pictures of Johnny acting like a female [heavy disgusted emphasis] and then you upload it to YouTube and everybody laughs about it and the next thing you know, this dude, this kid is acting out childhood fantasies that should have been squashed.

Can I make it any clearer? Dads, the second you see your son dropping the limp wrist, you walk over there and crack that wrist.

Man up. Give him a good punch. Ok? You are not going to act like that. You were made by God to be a male and you’re going to be a male.

And when your daughter starts acting too butch you rein her in. And you say, “Oh, no, oh no, sweetheart. You can play sports. Play’em, play’em to the glory of God. But sometimes you are going to act like a girl and [with ever-increasing emphasis] walk like a girl and talk like a girl and smell like a girl and that means you are going to be beautiful. You are going to be attractive. You are going to dress yourself up.

You say, “Can I take charge like that as a parent?” Yeah, you can. You are authorized. I just gave you a special dispensation this morning to do that.

The violence is disgusting and the policing is disgusting – but I have to admit I take the girl-policing personally. The policing of boys is horrible but at least they’re policed to be strong and tough and useful. Girls are policed to be “beautiful” and “attractive” and to dress themselves up. They’re policed to be feeble and dainty (walk like a girl, talk like a girl) so that men can bully other men by calling them girls, meaning feeble and dainty.


  1. Robert B. says

    I would never suggest that males have it worse than females in this society. But in this speech I noted – being myself disposed to take boy-policing personally – that males are specifically expected to be both victims and perpetrators of violence. Those who object to either role, I gather, are “girlish.”

  2. says

    Good point. They really do both suck. I said ‘I take it personally’ rather than ‘it’s worse’ for a reason – it did trigger an upward ratchet of fury, but I think that was gut-level – because personal.

  3. Synfandel says

    While it’s clear that this pastor is telling his parishoners to enforce traditional gender behaviours in their children and he really means it, I suspect that the blatant violence in the advice is there more for comedic effect than as literal incitement to violence.

    The supposed humour is lame and in bad taste and unfortunately will probably be taken literally by some of his listeners.

  4. Steve says

    As far as gender non-conformity is concerned, girls can get away with more than boys. Being a tomboy isn’t punished in general society. And as sexist and creepy as his remarks about girls are (“smelling like a girl”? WTF?!), he doesn’t actually tell parents to punch them too. Though of course it’s not just physical damage. Enforcing strict gender roles can leave psychological scars too if taken too far.

  5. Steve says

    Actually, the church’s website recommends a book that advocates the spanking of one year old children. But the problem is that there are plenty of brainwashed sheep in his congregation that take this stuff literally. -> “Completely read Shepherding a Child’s Heart”

  6. MosesZD says

    My daughter saw that. It’s viral among her friends (15 to 25). It’s pretty uniform with them that this guy is an idiot from the dark ages.

  7. says

    Aw come on, Synfandel, don’t make excuses for him. That’s another case where the “principle of charity” doesn’t come into it.

    Plus he wasn’t joking, he was screaming in rage. The transcript naturally doesn’t convey his affect. It was frothing rage.

  8. MosesZD says

    Synfandel says:

    Sigh. That’s wishful thinking. They really do mean you need to ‘beat the little faggot’ so he’ll turn out straight. Even if it might kill him:

    Thought Toddler Gay, Dad Kills Son
    by Fidel Ortega Miami Bureau

    Posted: July 14, 2005 12:01 am ET
    (Tampa, Florida) A 21 year old Tampa man is charged with murder after his 3-year old son was pummeled into unconsciousness and then died.

    Ronnie Paris Jr. went on trial for his own life this week in a Tampa courtroom. The toddler’s mother, Nysheerah Paris, testified that her husband thought the boy might be gay and would force him to box.

    Nysheerah Paris told the court that Paris would make the boy fight with him, slapping the child in the head until he cried or wet himself. She said that on one occasion Paris slammed the child against a wall because he was vomiting.

    The court was told there had been a history of abuse by Paris. Prosecutor Jalal Harb said that in 2002, the Florida Department of Children & Families placed the child in protective custody after he had been admitted to the hospital several times for vomiting.

    He was returned to his parents Dec. 14. A month later he went into a coma and was rushed to hospital. Six days later he was removed from life support and died. An autopsy showed there was swelling on both sides of his brain.

    “He was trying to teach him how to fight,” Nysheerah Paris’ sister, Shanita Powell told the court. “He was concerned that the child might be gay.”

    Following the child’s death Tampa police Detective Anthony Zambito thought there was something suspicious. He testified that he questioned both parents closely at the hospital. But it wasn’t until investigators questioned them separately Feb. 1 that the boy’s mother talked about the abuse.

    Paris was charged with capital murder and Nysheerah Paris was charged with felony child neglect and faces a maximum of 15 years in prison.

    Not the first. Not the last. Guns. Knives. Beatings. Starvation.

  9. MosesZD says

    Man Accused of Killing Boy He Thought Was Gay

    BY Neal Broverman.

    July 08 2011 5:20 PM ET

    A possible cult leader in North Carolina is accused of shooting to death his 4-year-old stepson because he believed he was gay.

    Peter Lucas Moses, 27, may face the death penalty if he’s found guilty of the murder of Jadon Higganbothan; Moses is also being charged with the killing of Antoinetta Yvonne McKoy, a 28-year-old woman. Moses was a religious extremist who found homosexuality an abomination and believed the young boy was gay. Moses lived in a one-room home with three women and nine children; it’s believed McKoy was killed because she tried to escape from the house.

    Notice how he was a ‘cult leader.’ Not True Christian would do that…

    This kid made it a whole year longer. Murdered at 4.

  10. MosesZD says

    Muslim father murders his own son

    Most honor killing involve a daughter, this one hides another islamic dark side. Fooling around with male children is common in some islamic communities but if the male on male action takes place between adults it can carry a death sentence. The pedophile mohammed was known to enjoy little boys but he forbid homosexuality in adults. No wonder so many muslims are confused.

    BY DAN BILEFSKY, 25 Nov 09, The New York Times
    ISTANBUL — For Ahmet Yildiz, a stocky and affable 26-year-old, the choice to live openly as a gay man proved deadly.

    Prosecutors say his own father hunted him down, traveling more than 600 miles from his hometown to shoot his son in an old neighborhood of Istanbul.

    I could go on for a very, very, very long time. The examples are everywhere, regardles of religious affiliation, and just really damn sad…

  11. Sunny says

    Just following the instructions in the Holy Book. As the good Pastor said: “You are authorized.”

  12. says

    How horrible. This is one of those time when I’m even more appalled by the audience cheering for this guy than I am by him himself. I expect there to be a few horrible people in the world, in the form of people who go up and make speeches advocating horrible things, but what really gets to me every time there’s something like this that comes up is the crowd. How can this type of idea have so many followers?

  13. TBS says

    And the best thing is, this method totally works. Ask my fiance’s Mom, who subscribed completely to this method.

    Was an effeminate boy, and now she is my fiancee (I’m a cis straight guy) with PTSD and often wakes up screaming! Mission accomplished!

    This is after R, miserable, did everything short of joining the army (an orthodox jewish cult got to her first) to make herself ‘straight’ and ‘ok’.

    Cant tell you how much this kind of thing pisses me off.

    Best wishes,

  14. says

    It’s funny about girls being able to get away with more than boys are. That seems to be because being “a girl” is really bad.

    “You throw like a girl.” “My grandmother is 87 and she can run faster than you.” “Your mother would be proud of you. She always wanted a girl.”

  15. says

    Steve, you know why “girls can get away with more than boys”? Because a girl doing “boyish” things is considered to have ambition, but a boy doing “girlish” things is considered to be lowering himself.

    TBS, I’m sorry your fiancée had to go through all that, but I’m also glad she finally found a supportive significant other.

  16. TBS says

    @ Ms. Daisy Cutter, thanks. I agree with you on the M vs. F point. An interesting thing, and Im just learning a bit about the trans world. Knew zilch about it before I met my girl, but a common thing is trans-men are often seen as having an easier time than trans-women. This is a lot imho due to hetero men to whom a trans-man is interesting, but trans-woman is a real threat as it implies moving.downward on a scale.

    The atavistic thinking is if she can give up ‘manhood’ than ‘I’ might be forced to, which is scary.

  17. TBS says

    The thing that bears emphasis is how do any reasonable people, not only thimk this is OK but expect it to work?


  1. […] punch their sons if they see them “dropping the limp wrist” and to shout at their daughters if they are “too butch” – Sean Peters – is complaining on Twitter that his apology is being spurned. So I looked for […]

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