My Life as a Failed Jedi — Latest for Splice Today


While other kids played basketball after school, I was saving the galaxy from the Dark Side. Every day, I counted the hours until school let out so I could rush home, pop in a worn-out Star Wars tape, and explore space with my friends Luke Skywalker and Han Solo. By day I learned about history and math, but Yoda taught me the mysteries of the Force at night. My classmates wanted to be policemen, doctors, and basketball players when they grew up. I wanted to be a Jedi Knight.

My mom signed me up for countless clubs and activities throughout elementary school: 4-H, Junior Rangers, and an annual “summer enrichment program” that was basically summer school with field trips. None of this could make me forget my true calling as a Jedi Knight. How could mom not know about the eminent threat of Darth Vader? Plus in space no one calls you homophobic slurs.

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