Another ways to get a free copy of Pathways to Bolingbrook (Non-fiction)

From now until the end of May, you can get a free copy of Pathways to Bolingbrook, as well as free ebooks by and other fantasy authors.

Into the Pathway Village!

You can also get a copy of Pathways at Amazon and almost everywhere ebooks are sold. I’m also offering a print edition that includes bonus material bonus material.

Finally, I hope to have an update about The Rift, the next book in the series, soon.



We get letters. (Unfortunately) April 2022 edition (Fiction)

By Doug Fields
Reader’s Editor

(Out of character: Unless stated otherwise, these are not real letters.)

Sometimes I’m proud to say that I edit the Babbler’s letters to the editor. This is not one of those times. Maybe it’s all the readers with COVID dementia, or maybe the past five years have brought out the worst in us. No difference. These letters make me question the future of humanity. Judge for yourself.

While most Bolingbrook residents stand with the Ukrainian people against the Russian invasion, this reader just has to be special:

To the Editor:

The New York Times says Ukraine doesn’t have a Nazi problem. This is the same newspaper that published a Hitler editorial in 1941! Therefore Vladimir Putin is right. Let’s stop punishing Russia and start supporting Putin’s special military operation to rid the world of Nazis once and for all!

Julie X. Weimar
Bolingbrook, IL

Someone better warn Malcolm Nance before it’s too late.

Our descent into the abyss continues with this letter. This reader doesn’t know that Bolingbrook isn’t in the Sixth Congressional District. Then again, incumbent Congressional Representative Marie Newman doesn’t live there either. 

To the Editor:

Days ago, Fake IL06 representative Sean Casten said the public was going to “level” Rep. Marie Newman and insurrectionist President Trump was still free. Yet the so-called ethics committee is investigating Newman instead of those two. How outrageous!.

Don’t let the media confuse you. Newman is running on the Green New Deal and Medicare for All. That’s all you need to know. Oh, and she’s not afraid to vote against Israel! 

Newman shouldn’t be forced to violate her crypto agreement and she shouldn’t be stopped from investing in America. She shouldn’t be stopped period. Don’t let anyone tell you to think about it. Just vote for Newman and she’ll do the rest!

Bill Z. Blankenship
Downers Grove, IL

I’m not sorry to say that anyone who invested in cryptocurrencies shouldn’t be considered an environmentalist. 

Locally, this next resident wants a certain book banned. 

To the Editor:

We must prevent the most woke novel in history from reaching Bolingbrook! The Rift promises to be a story about aliens and monsters set in our fine village. Don’t be fooled! It has trans people and feminists in it! The author says it’s not marketed to children, but why does it have a gay magician in it? It also has suspicious references to elevators…

We must do everything in our power to stop the woke mob from canceling us by banning this book! Our freedom depends on it! Scream about it at every government meeting. Don’t worry about what to say. Have faith that God will put the right words in your mouth.

Jill “I have a gun and that’s all you need to know,”
Bolingbrook, IL

The novel mentioned is The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, written by our webmaster. Let me assure you it is not pornographic, and probably will tick off a certain slimy part of the atheist community.

Now, this next resident is taking the suburban cancel culture scare to its logical conclusion:

To the Editor:

You know, there are so many positive things going on in Bolingbrook, like the opening of Eiffel Waffle. But there are too many “critical” distractions that are dividing our wonderful community, e.g. things like Critical Race Theory, Gender Critical Feminism, and scientific criticism. 

The solution to this critical problem is simple: We must ban critical thinking in Bolingbrook. Instead of arguing over garbage toters, golf clubs, and COVID restrictions, we should shut out the negativity, and just enjoy all the fine businesses in Bolingbrook. Free your mind, and just follow the wonderful thought leaders who make our village first! In the First Party, we trust!

Marcus T. Fish
Bolingbrook, IL

I enjoy thinking for myself, while being grounded in the real world, thank you very much. People who want to think for you shouldn’t. 

Maybe next time I’ll be able to feature letters that don’t fill me with despair.

Also in the Babbler:

Russia threatens heatwave and snowstorms this weekend
Downstate judge threatens to declare atheism unconstitutional
Governor Pritzker buys UFO display ads attacking Mayor Irvin
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/21/22

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.

Sources: WeatherTech is developing radiation resistant basement liners (Fiction)

Is WeatherTech, one of Bolingbrook’s largest employers, developing liners to turn any basement into a nuclear fallout shelter? Some insiders insist they are, and WeatherTech hopes to distribute them in May.

“This marketing opportunity is too good to pass up,” said Stacy, who asked that we not use her last name. “Everyone wants protection from a nuclear attack, and WeatherTech is in the protection business. It’s a natural fit.”

Don, a WeatherTech materials specialist, explained that since rubber is resistant to radiation and WeatherTech’s products are made with rubber, it wasn’t hard to come up with prototypes. “The only problem is size. Let’s face it. A basement floor usually requires more coverage than a car floor.” 

Is this an ad for WeatherTech’s newest product?

All the sources agree that WeatherTech will sell liners that can be cut to fit the shape of any basement. WeatherTech will also sell “NukeTech” glue to attach the liners to walls and ceilings.

“We hope we never go to war, but if you live in the suburbs, we think you can ride it out inside your WeatherTech enhanced basement.  We’ll even have a line of Faraday cages to protect your electronics. You’ll be prepped in style. Too much?”

Larry Z. Carter, a Bolingbrook resident trying to read every post-apocalyptic novel, says the liners are a good idea, but they won’t be enough. “There are so many things we take for granted. Like toilets, electricity, windows, access to ammunition, and grocery stores. WeatherTech has great rubber, but you can’t eat it.”

Paula X. Carter, Larry’s wife, asked Larry if he was going to visit her parents. He replied he needed to read another novel.

“Haven’t you finished already?”

“By the time I finish one series, there are 15 more series released on Amazon. I can’t stop reading until they stop publishing. Trust me, one of those novels will come in handy when the world finally ends.”

Stacy claims the Village of Bolingbrook has already placed an order to turn Town Center into a fallout shelter. She also stressed that the liners will not protect against a nuclear blast.

“There are limits to what our products can do. Hard to believe, I know.”

Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta denied knowing about WeatherTech’s proposed liners and said the village had no plans to buy any.

“If you would attend our board meetings, you’d know what the village was buying.”

Alexander-Basta then received a video chat request.  She accepted. A woman appeared on the screen. An anti-tank weapon was mounted on the wall behind her.

“This is Congresswoman Lauren Boebert,” she said. “My pronouns are big and gun.”

“Those aren’t pronouns.”

“Now they are. Anyway, tell (Former Mayor Roger Claar) that he’d better make Congressman Key Bump disappear, or I’ll tweet about Roger, and not in a good way.”

“Do I look like his secretary?”

“No. You look like you have cooties.”

“Are you an overgrown ten-year-old?”

“I am the future of the Republican Party. In fact, if I’m reelected, I will be the representative leading the 24 impeachments of President Biden.”


“Yes. We’re going to have an impeachment a month, and I’m going to start the first one against the criminal in the White House!”

“Wait a minute. You have a criminal record, and what role did you play in the insurrection?”

“Let’s go Brandon!”

Also in the Babbler:

Russia launches cold air attack against Bolingbrook
Alien injured in Ukraine treated at Palatine’s UFO Base
DuPage Township wins award for its off-world programs.
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/1/22.

Note: This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  

My new novel, The Rift: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story, is coming out soon. Pathways to Bolingbrook: A Bolingbrook Babbler Story is free and available now. For book updates, sign up for my newsletter.