So I went to the Bolingbrook Village Board meeting…(Non-fiction)

As I promised, I went to the 5/25/21 Bolingbrook Board meeting to ask a question:

Shortly before I arrived, I decided to praise the board for proclaiming June as Pride Month.  Before 2018, it was unthinkable that anything LGBTQ+ related would occur in Bolingbrook.  Through Bolingbrook Pride’s activism, that’s changed, and this is the first year Bolingbrook has issued a proclamation recognizing Pride Month. Good behavior should be rewarded.  I could have gone on about homophobia, but I think Bolingbrook Pride’s representative and the text of the proclamation did a better job than I would have.

As for my question about the candidate for acting trustee, I sincerely want to know what the candidate selection process is.  When I used to attend board meetings in person, I was there to hear what the leadership (Roger) had to say, and learn their reasons for their actions.  I never went there to create a scene (like certain watchdogs like to do.)  It was a great way to get story ideas and still is, though I’ve had to switch to watching over the Internet due to the travel time.

I will admit, I was a bit concerned about how the trustees would react to my in-person visit since 2017.  Turns out, I had nothing to worry about.  Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler greeted me and worked with me on when I could deliver my comment.  The rest didn’t say anything.  Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta was out, as was Trustee Maria Zarate.  Former Mayor Roger Claar wasn’t there.  I felt I had the opportunity to recalibrate the fictional versions I write about, and it was a chance to remind ourselves that we’re real humans.

So while it wasn’t my best public speech, it was worth the trip back to Village Hall.  If Alexander-Basta answers my question, I’ll write about her answer here.

Chicagoland’s UFO bases revaluate using ‘skeptics’ as UFO sightings skyrocket (Fiction)

A decloaked UFO flies over Palatine.

By Reporter X

Rising public interest in both UFOs and Unidentified Aerial Phenomena is forcing Chicagoland’s three UFO bases to revaluate their staff of professional skeptics.

“We’re in a debunking crisis,” said Theresa Z. Theil, Director of Concealment Operations for  Peotone UFO Base.  60 Minutes is taking UFOs seriously.  The government is about to issue an unclassified report on UAPs.  Ex-government officials can’t keep their mouths shut.  Meanwhile, we can’t find enough people to hold a SkeptiCamp.”

According to an Ipsos poll from 2020, 45% of US residents believe UFOs are real and have visited the Earth.  Public belief in UFOs started declining in 2014, and many UFO interest groups folded by 2018. Then sightings increased in 2019, skyrocketed in 2020, and are still increasing.  

Experts within the New World Order and Illuminati blame the increase on people having more free time during the pandemic, aliens disregarding stealth protocols, the decline of the skeptical and New Atheists movement after 2011, and the War between the Illuminati and the New World Order.

Reid Ottesen, Palatine Village Manager and Director of Rob Sherman UFO Base explained: “Both sides are building UFO Bases, but both sides aren’t coordinating their coverup efforts.  Additionally, it didn’t help when the Committee for Skeptical Inquiry defected from the New World Order to the Illuminati.  I’m still trying to hire replacement skeptics, and I’m offering more than $15 an hour.”

Ottesen hopes stricter enforcement and improved cloaking technology will help Sherman UFO Base maintain a low percentage of sightings.  According to Ottesen, he’s already doubled the number of disciplinary hearings from 2020:

“Yesterday, I fined three crews for reckless piloting.  Not only were they sighted, but Patch mentioned them.  Sure these were steep fines, and we now have liens on their ships, but they deserve it for flying uncloaked for ten minutes with their landing lights on!”

Ottesen hopes that YouTube and Skepchick’s newly reorganized diplomatic corp will restore Palatine’s debunking efforts.

Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base has its own staff of skeptics, as well as representatives from The Skeptics Society, and Committee for Skeptical Inquiry.  Clow spokesperson Donna K. Smith says Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta will be conducting a “routine reevaluation” of Clow’s debunking protocols:

“Because Clow is the largest urban UFO base in the world, we are constantly innovating our public concealment efforts.  That may or may not reduce our reliance on contract skeptics.”

Despite officials denials, the Babbler managed to obtain an email from Alexander-Basta to CFI and the Skeptics Society demanding improvements:

“It’s very clear to me that your skeptics are suffering from severe mission drift.  They seem to think their mission is to protect Western Civilization from ‘Wokeness,” when they should be covering up security breaches.  From what I’ve seen, they’re doing both jobs poorly.  I doubt they could have covered up the illegal UFO base that was in South Elgin. Maybe I should hire PZ Myers instead.”

A receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she wasn’t working that day and was unreachable.

In the background, a man who looked like DuPage Township Supervisor Gary Marschke approached Covert Social Media Advisor Charlene Spencer.

“I knew I would find you here,” said Marschke.  “You’re using the waiting area as your second office.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I am but a humble constituent, who just happens to be eight hours early for her scheduled meeting with the mayor,” said Spencer.

“Do you really think I’m that foolish?” asked Marschke. “Don’t answer that.  I just need to know if your lackeys sent out fake texts to voters telling them that we were going to abolish the township?”


“Maybe isn’t good enough.  I want to know why you lied.  You know we campaigned on adding services, not abolishing the township.  Can you at least come clean about your lies?”

“I neither confirmed nor denied that I lied, or that I bought the same list of registered voters that you bought.”

“I’ve only been in office a few days, and I’m already sick of your billionaire client and you.  Why does he hate townships?  Is it because we help people?”

“Yes,” replied Charline


“Yes.  He hates townships because they help desperate people, and my client needs desperate people who will accept desperation wages so my client can use the savings to buy the yacht that he desperately wants.”

“I think your client desperately needs the mental health services we’re going to provide our residents.”

Also in the Babbler:

Babbler staff offers its condolences to Mayor Alexander-Basta
Bolingbrook resident attacked by sentient algae in a swimming pool
Aliens arrested for hoarding lumber
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/28/21

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Thank you streaming video from FTB (Non-fiction)

Join us for a Livestream as PZ Myers and the rest of the Freethought Blogs crew thank our readers for a very successful fundraising campaign:

The Mother’s Day fundraiser may be over, but the donation link is still active.  Unfortunately, the need to pay off the legal debts from the SLAPP is still there.

I plan to attend the chat, but if I don’t, I want to thank everyone who donated or shared a link about the fundraiser.  Your support will help FTB move past this legal mess.  And a big thank you to all of our readers.  There are so many options on the Internet, and I’m honored that you’ve chosen to stop by.  Thank you.

(Web Exclusive) Interstellar court ends Oberweis’ final challenge to Rep. Underwood’s reelection (Fiction)

File photo of IL14 Representative Lauren Underwood.

By Reporter X

The Clow UFO Base Court of Extraterrestrial Affairs in the 109,298,291 Circuit rejected Republican Jim Oberweis’ lawsuit to overturn Rep. Lauren Underwood’s 2020 re-election.

“Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence,” said Judge Kilos Surgon.  “The plaintiff’s claim that he won an election is extraordinary, and what he presented does not meet the criteria to be considered evidence.”

Oberweis jumped out of his chair and charged at the judge.  He was quickly immobilized by a force field.  Surgon judged Oberweis to be in contempt of court and imprisoned him for 24 hours.

Oberweis protested as he was dragged out of the courtroom. He said:  “Why won’t anyone believe me?  Even the Congressional Republicans refused to save me.  (Mayor Emeritus Roger Claar) gave me a bad lawyer!  Everyone is out to get me.  Stop the steal!  Count the votes!  Hang Mike Pence!  Oops.  I didn’t say that.”

“Just like you didn’t win.”

The lawsuit, which many interstellar legal experts described using unprintable adjectives, was Oberweis’ last chance to overturn the election following a bipartisan Congressional resolution rejecting his challenge.  Oberweis was represented by Bolingbrook Junior Assistant Village Attorney for Interstellar Affairs, Lester Z. Sanders.  

Shortly after Sanders delivered his opening statement, Surgon said: “I just looked at your very short filing.  You do know that the statement ‘Lauren Underwood is a Democrat’ is not grounds for nullifying an election.”

Sanders nervously laughed, and replied: “The Village of Bolingbrook thinks it should be.”

“You mean Puppet Master Emeritus Roger thinks it should be.”

To prove that all Illinois Democrats are corrupt, Sanders called Republican Sixth Congressional candidate Justin Burau to the stand.  Burau accused Casten of profiting off the Green New Deal and not caring about people with Glioblastoma.

“When Sean refused to personally change Medicare’s coverage of Glioblastoma, I knew he was corrupt, and therefore all Democrats are corrupt.  There’s no way Lauren won this election fairly.”

Underwood’s lawyer, Monica X. Parker, harshly cross-examined Burau:

“Did you really write that you decided to run for Congress after years of failing to live up to your promises?”

“Yeah, I forgot to add Sean’s name.”

Parker pointed to a holographic display of one of his Facebook ads:  “Did you really write that you are the Congressman who ‘cant (sp)’ be trusted?”

“It’s easy to forget Sean.”

“You tried to tie Sean to the Green New Deal, right?”

Burau grinned.  “All Democrats support the Green New Deal.”

“Actually, Sean doesn’t support it.  Even if he did, were you aware that the Green New Deal includes universal health care and would expand coverage to all cancer patients, including Glioblastoma patients?”

“Look.  I’m a real estate agent.  You sound like a client who obsesses over cracks in the foundation, or panics over an exposed wire.  I don’t want you to care about the little details.  I want you to fall in love with the whole house.  Or at least stay infatuated long enough for me to collect my commission.”

After the ruling, Sanders denied suffering a total legal defeat:  “The Village’s Legal Department has a new motto:  We never settle.  I have never been so humiliated in a courtroom in my year of practicing interstellar law.  Yet, I fought to the bitter end.  If I was willing to fight to the bitter end for such a hopeless case, imagine what we’ll do to anyone who files a frivolous lawsuit against our village.  You will suffer if you so much as think about suing us for damaging your mailbox.”

Oberweis refused to be interviewed for this article

File photo of IL14 Representative Lauren Underwood.

but said he was outraged that the Village refused to let him pay to upgrade his detention cell.

Underwood could not be reached for comment, but a spokesperson for her Congressional Office said: “Congresswoman Underwood can now spend the next few months focusing on raising the SALT cap.  I’d also like to say this as a Naperville resident:  We’re Naperville.  We have a reputation to uphold.  Congresswoman Lauren Underwood is part of that reputation!”

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Oh boy, I really did it (Non-fiction)

When I announced the Freethought Blogs Mother’s Day Fundraiser, I added if it reached a certain amount, I would go to a Bolingbrook Villiage Board meeting and ask a question during public comments.  Well, I’m happy to announce that we hit that goal, and I will keep my word.  So sometime after May 11, I will keep my word.

I haven’t attended a board meeting in person for various reasons, but I’ll make an exception for this.  All I can say is that it will be a serious question, and I’ll stay quiet for the rest.  I’m not sure how the Mayor and trustees will react, but we’ll find out.  If it goes well, I’ll post the video.

Until then, if you haven’t donated yet, please do.  Freethought Blogs settled a lawsuit, but victory was expensive.  You can also check out the other special posts my fellow bloggers created for this event, including a new short story set in the same universe as the upcoming Bolingbrook Babbler novel.

FtB Mothers Day Anthology: Think of your children

Note: This story is set in the same continuity as the upcoming Bolingbrook Babbler novel.  If you like this story or Freethought Blogs in general, please consider supporting our Mother’s Day fundraiser.

Sara Langston noticed her publisher, James, marching towards her desk.

She spoke into her cellphone: “I have to go, Jacob, but I’ll be home tonight.”

“Okay,” replied Jacob.  “You won’t forget?”

“I’ll remember,” Sara replied.  “Because I always think about you.  Good-bye.”

“Goodbye, mommy.”

Sara ended the call and looked up at James.  “I’m almost finished with—”

“We need to talk.  In my office.”

James immediately turned and started towards his office.  Sara rose from her desk and rushed to catch up to him.  As she did, she remembered when the Star newsroom was crowded with reporters.  Most of them were still upset over the management’s decision to downsize from four Chicago suburban bureaus.  Now half the desks were empty, and the remaining reporters now covered more than one community.

James pushed the door open and walked towards his desk.  Sara stopped the door from closing long enough for her to enter.

“Sit,” James bluntly said as he sat down.

Sara sat down, concerned about what was coming next.

James paused for a few beats.  “The mayor of Bolingbrook says you’re trying to arrange an interview with him.”

Sara tensed slightly.  “I don’t think this is appropriate—”

“Dan says Bolingbrook is part of Jennifer’s beat.”

“Yes, but the speech is in Rosemont, which is part of my beat.”

“Why do you need to interview Robert Clark?  Why are you putting our advertising at risk?”

“Because I still have questions, and I—”

“It’s one damn speech,” said James, raising his voice.  “Are you willing to risk one of our papers over a speech? We’ve already lost the Romeoville Star.”

“If it’s one speech then Robert shouldn’t have a problem answering my questions,” Sara replied.

“What questions?”

Sara didn’t reply.  How could she tell him about the mysterious voice on her taped interview with a village spokesperson?  A voice she didn’t remember hearing.  A voice that dictated the article she was about to write.

“Look,” sighed James.  “If you need more work, there are plenty of other communities Dan can give you.  Jennifer’s built up quite a rapport with Mayor Clark.  She’s given us exclusive stories that help our circulation, and that have boosted our ad revenue.  Bolingbrook accounts for a good portion of our ads.  Robert knows that.  He’s not just the mayor of Bolingbrook.  He’s one of the most powerful Republicans in the state.   Have you seen his campaign fund numbers?”

“No, but—”

“Way out of proportion for a village like Bolingbrook.  He’s one of our biggest clients around election season.  Hell, he could buy the Star with his fund and still have money left over. He also has pull with a lot of businesses — and not just in Bolingbrook.”  James sighed.  “Sara, you need to focus on your communities.  You’ve cultivated great sources.  You have written some great stories, like the red light cameras in Des Planes.  That’s where your focus needs to be, Sara.  Not Bolingbrook.”

“I have not neglected my communities,” Sara protested.  “I just need to ask Robert a few more questions about a story that affects Rosemont.  Then I’ll be done.”

James shook his head.  “Let me give you some advice, Sara.  I’m not a reporter.  You’re a good reporter.  I do know the business side of journalism, and let me tell you, our industry is dying.  The only paper in the black around here is the Babbler.  They’ve got the weird tabloid market covered.  There’s no way I could publish the crap they publish and make a profit.  Nor would you write for them.”

Sara didn’t answer.

“You have kids, right?”

“Yes,” Sara replied.  “Jacob and Monique.”

“Before you go any further with your vendetta against Robert, you need to think about your children.  Because if I lose any more money, there are going to be more layoffs.  Now, because you did me a huge favor when you stopped me from hiring that college kid…”

“I merely warned you about his behavior at that convention.  He could have been fixable.”

“True, but we couldn’t take that chance.  I don’t think you should be taking chances with your career.  So I would suggest you stop bothering Robert, focus on your communities, and in a few months, we might need an editor for the Northwest Region.  Understand?”


Sara and her husband Peter sat on a bench in Knights of Columbus Park watching Jacob and Monique playing on the swing set.  

“Don’t push your sister too high!” Peter yelled.

“Okay,” Jacob replied.  Monique laughed.

Peter’s smile faded as he turned towards Sara.

“You’re going to do what he says?”

“After I get the answers.”

“Sara,” replied Peter.  “You can’t afford to lose this job.  Remember how long it took you to get hired by the Star?”

“I haven’t forgotten,” Sara replied.

“I think you should have been assigned to Bolingbrook,” said Peter.  “It’s our home, but you didn’t.  Jennifer got it.  You have to accept that.”

“Peter,” Sara snapped.  “It’s not about that.”

“What is it about?”

“I want answers.”

Peter gave Sara a befuddled look.  “Answers?  Since when did you care about digging for answers?”

“Since I heard that recorded voice.”  Sara looked around.  “You heard it too.”

“Yeah,” Peter replied.  “It was creepy, but maybe there’s another explanation for it.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know.  Maybe it’s from a previous recording.  Maybe it was from another room.  Maybe someone secretly added it to your tape as a joke.  There has to be a reasonable explanation.”

“If there is one, why won’t the mayor provide it?  Why are people threatening me?”

“I don’t know, but it doesn’t mean there’s a mystery.  Remember that convention you covered?  The one that opposed the supernatural?”


“Yeah.  Maybe they can debunk this voice on the tape.”

“Oh, they can debunk it,” Sara replied.  “I heard all kinds of debunking that weekend, but you know what I didn’t hear.  I didn’t hear any of them trying to find out the truth.  Most of them were sincere, but some of them—”

“Listen to yourself,” Peter interrupted.  “You’re starting to sound like a Babbler reporter.  What next?  Aliens used the Illuminati’s 5G network to plant a subliminal message on your tape recorder?”

“You’re mocking me?” Sara loudly protested.

“Mommy?” asked Monique.

“Mommy’s fine,” Sara replied.  “Keep playing.”  Sara paused for a moment then whispered to Peter.  “You should be supporting me.”

“I do support you,” Peter replied in a firm but subdued tone.  “I see what this is doing to you.  You have to let it go.  Think of our children.”


Jacob slipped as he kicked the soccer ball.  The goalie fell in front of the ball and let it roll into his chest.

“Good try honey!” Sara called out from the bleachers.  She enthusiastically clapped.  “Next time you’ll get it.  Don’t give up.”  She looked at the other parents sitting on the lower level.  Peter was with Monique at her Martial Arts class.  While she was proud of her progress in class, she preferred the fresh air while watching Jacob’s team play, and hoping to see his first goal.

A few minutes later, a man said, “Excuse me?  Are you Sara?”

Sara looked up.  The man was holding a worn-out notepad.  His red polo shirt and blue jeans were both faded.

Sara replied: “Yes.  You must be Mr. Watts?”

“Call me Don.”  Don motioned towards the bench.  “May I?”

Sara nodded.

Don sat down.  “Like I said, I got the copy of your tape.  I had a colleague confirm its authenticity.  You were very fortunate to get that recording.  You impressed my editor and my publisher.  You’re with the Star, right?”

“Do you know what it is?”

Don nodded.  “I do.”  He looked out at the field.

“And?” asked Sara.

“Which one is your son?”

“Why do you want to know?”

Don pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket.  “Because there are consequences to knowing the answer.”  He opened his notepad.  “Now, I don’t care about my exes.  My daughter is safe, but I hardly see her.  Writing for the Babbler is interesting, but it can only keep you going for so long.”

“Your point?”

“You have a family.  Don’t worry.  I didn’t dig too much.  They probably know more.”


Don looked out at the field again.  “They call Bolingbrook the pathway village for a reason.  You’re at a crossroads, so to speak.  I can tell you that you’re not imagining things and that I can take over the investigation.  I don’t think the Star would mind me stealing a story like this from them.  The point is, you would go back to your family, and be done with it.”


Don faced Sara.  “Or I can extend an invitation to you.  We’re looking for an editor, and you’ve caught our publisher’s attention.  You’d probably start off making more than I do. But you’d be starting down a dark, lonely, and possibly risky path.  The good thing would be that Robert would tolerate you.  The bad thing is almost no one will believe what you’ll tell them.  You will be stuck with us for the rest of your career.  The worst part is, you’ll attract the attention of forces and people far more dangerous than Robert.  We have a pretty good survival rate, but some of us don’t come out unscathed.  And that doesn’t include the Olson family.  But then again.  You’ll have a far better view of how Bolingbrook and the rest of the world works.”  Don looked back at the field.  “But you have to think about your children.”

Sara glanced out at the field then locked her eyes on Don.  “Don, right?”


“Don, when I was growing up, my parents were just happy I wasn’t running with the wrong people.  They didn’t volunteer at my clubs, or watch my games.  They weren’t bad.  They were just too busy to think about me all the time.  So when I found out I was pregnant with Jacob, I promised myself that I would always think about my children.  What I’m thinking right now is that there is something going on that I don’t understand and I need to understand it. I want to know what kind of world I’m sending my kids into, and I need to know what I can do to make it a better world.  I’d rather be Cassandra than Koalemos.  So stop asking about my children, and start answering my questions.”

Don sighed.  “Very well.  When do you want to meet the Olson family?”

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Mother’s Day Fundraiser (Non-Fiction)

This coming Sunday is Mother’s Day and it will also be the Freethought Blogs Mother’s Day Fundraising Anthology.  Richard Carrier’s SLAPP case against Freethought Blogs was settled back in 2019, but there are still legal bills left to be paid.  I, along with some of my fellow bloggers here, will post works with Mother’s Day as the theme.  I’ll post the links once I have them.  My contribution is a short story set in the same continuity as the upcoming Bolingbrook Novel.  (Which I might be able to publish this year.)

Feel free to make an early donation.  Any amount will be appreciated and will help us finally move on from that dark chapter.  I will add a stretch goal:  Between now and midnight on 5/10/21 CDT, if we raise $5000 or more, I will go to a Bolingbrook Village Board meeting and ask a question during public comments.  Something I haven’t done since around 2009, and back then, none of them knew who I was.

So if you want to see me make history, support my fellow bloggers, and enjoy a great anthology, make a donation!

New World Order and aliens throw retirement party for Trustee Jaskiewicz (Fiction)

File photo of Bolingbrook Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz.

By Reporter X

The New World Order and Interstellar Commonwealth representatives hosted a surprise party for outgoing Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz at Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base.  Jaskiewicz, a member of the opposition Bolingbrook United Party, was elected to the Village Board in 2017 as the first opposition trustee in over 30 years.  He decided not to run for reelection in 2021.

“You could have told me,” said a surprised Jaskiewicz.  “I would have prepared a speech.”

Jaskiewicz’s supporters and friends gathered at Bolingbrook United’s embassy, which will soon be converted to the Giamanco Law Partners’ Interstellar Affairs office.  Many embassy staff members thanked Jaskiewicz for his service:

“I was so depressed before you were elected,” said Beth Z. Wilkerson, a Covert Affairs Specialist.  “I loved helping our visitors, but I hated working for (Former Mayor Roger Claar).  Then you hired me and you helped me rediscover my love for covert work.  You cared for Bolingbrook and our guests more than your interstellar campaign fund.  Unfortunately, the voters didn’t replace you, so I’m taking a job at Rob Sherman UFO Base.  It just won’t be the same.”

Losgotus, leader of one of the Martian Colonies, made a rare visit to Earth to personally congratulate Jaskiewicz: “When we heard that Roger allied with President Trump and defected to the New World Order, I wanted to destroy Clow myself.  But when Bolingbrook selected you to serve on the board, I decided to spare Clow.  Your election was a message that not all humans in Bolingbrook were lost to Trumpism, memes, and the pandemic.  You saved Bolingbrook, and I will keep my promise not to destroy Clow for at least ten Earth years.”

Will County Board Member and New World Order representative Jackie Traynere praised Jaskiewicz for being the “People’s trustee.”:

“I know it was hard, Bob, but you represented the residents Roger ignored and belittled.  You fought for garbage toters, while Roger fought for Trump.  You visited residents while Roger visited Cuba. You stood up to the Space Force marines occupying Clow, while Roger bowed before them.  Your term as trustee may be history, but you also made history.  Whenever the First Party tries to gaslight Bolingbrook, we will remember your resistance!  You are irreplaceable, Bob, but Bolingbrook United will go on!”

Jaskiewicz later replied: “I want to thank Jackie for her kind words.  I may be irreplaceable, but I would have happily given my trustee chair to one of our candidates.”

Jaskiewicz thanked the attendees, and shared his favorite memories:  “I’ve seen aliens from all over the universe, but the most amazing thing I saw was the look on Roger’s face at the Pathway’s Parade when we marched past him with a garbage toter.”

He then warned the crowd that dark days could be ahead for the New World Order:  “As we speak, QAnon and her followers are trying to steal President Biden’s Arizona victory.  The Illuminati’s operatives are infiltrating the Democratic Party as we speak.  If Bill Gates’ idiocy doesn’t undermine our efforts to control COVID, the Anti-vaccination death cult will.  Unfortunately, we can’t forget about Donald Trump.  He may be out of the Illuminati, but he’s still dangerous.”

Jaskiewicz announced that he would be moving out of Bolingbrook to join the “Cat Koin” project.  

“I won’t miss Roger’s attacks, (Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta’s) blowing me off, or Trustee Michael Carpanzano’s passive-aggressive positivity.  But I will miss all the great residents that made me proud to call Bolingbrook my home.  Bolingbrook is proof that E pluribus unum works!”

When Jaskiewicz finished talking, some aliens started chanting: “Whoomp! Jaskiewicz!”  Jaskiewicz laughed and replied: “Sorry, I can’t rap.”

Alexander-Basta could not be reached for comment.  On a video call, her receptionist wished Jaskiewicz the best and looked forward to “four debate-free years in village hall.”

In the background, covert social media operative Charlene Spencer and Trustee-elect Troy Doris were sitting at a table.

Spencer said: “So we have a former mayor who not only supported Trump but raised money for him and other Republicans.  We have the current mayor who accepted an award from the same representative who gave an award to the Reverend Sun Myung Moon.  We have a supporter who almost started a fight with Black Lives Matter protesters behind village hall.  And we have a trustee who not only attended a fundraiser for Donald Trump but posed with him wearing a Trump tie.  It sounds very partisan and weird to me, but they insist they’re not strange or partisan.  Insist!  Yes, and I haven’t even touched on their great garbage debate.  Bolingbrook’s garbage collection used to be paid out of the village’s general fund, but last year they started charging residents directly.  Some residents ended up paying more, and, unlike most Chicago suburbs, Bolingbrook residents are not allowed to rent or buy garbage toters.  The opposition parties campaigned against this new arrangement.  One even called it a ‘garbage tax!’  How did the First Party respond? They said it’s not a tax!  It’s a fee!  So that makes it okay, and if you call it a tax, you’re a liar! I guess taxes are terrible and fees are fine.  You know, the more I research Bolingbrook, the more confused I get.  So tonight, we’re joined by First Party member Troy Doris, who will try to make sense of this for us.  Trustee Doris, you’ve been listening to me talk for the past 20 minutes.  Have I said anything wrong, or even slightly misleading?”

Doris dropped his jaw and blankly stared at Spencer for several moments.  He finally said: “You’re right.  I should be interviewed by Brian Williams instead of Rachel Maddow.  I need to master the short jump before attempting the sextuplet jump.”

Also in The Babbler:

New World Order and Illuminati agree not to put tracking devices in COVID vaccines
Blurry photos of Bonnie taken in Bolingbrook
Wereskunks organize summer garbage festivals in Bolingbrook
God to smite Bolingbrook on 5/4/21

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.