Video: Rebecca Watson on Essential Oils and seizures (Non-fiction)

I have personal experience with eucalyptus oil causing an allergic reaction in cats, but I didn’t realize that essential oils could also cause seizures.  Rebecca Watson posted a video about a recent study focusing on essential oils and seizures:

 

This was an overview of four years of data from 350 patients who experienced their first seizure or their “breakthrough” seizure (the first seizure in a very long time for a patient who had previously experienced seizures), finding that 15.7% were connected to essential oil exposure. And so that’s not just in patients diagnosed with epilepsy, that’s for everyone. 40% of the patients in the study who experienced what the researchers call an “essential oil-related seizure” had never had a seizure before, and the majority were adults.

Yet another reason for them to be kept out of my house.  (The cats are doing well by the way.)

Controversial Atheist Professor Richard Dawkins defects to the Illuminati (Fiction)

 

Richard Dawkins and James Randi

File photo of James Randi (Left) and Richard Dawkins (Right) from TAM 8.

Professor Richard Dawkins announced his defection from the New World Order to the Illuminati at the Bolingbrook Golf Club.

Dawkins, who secretly traveled to Bolingbrook for his Illuminati initiation ceremony, explained his decision to the gathered dignitaries:

“The board of the NWO gave me an ultimatum: Stop attacking marginalized people or else.  Can you believe that anyone would give me, Professor Richard Dawkins, an order?  So I made a bad faith tweet about trans people, and the NWO revoked my Humanist of the Year award from 1996.  I told them they had one day to apologize.  They ignored me!  Don’t they know that nobody can ignore me, Professor Richard Dawkins?”

Dawkins also confirmed that his organization, the Center for Inquiry, is now under Illuminati control and purged of all NWO members. New CFI embassies will open at the Illuminati’s UFO bases over the next two years, while CFI will close its embassies at the NWO’s bases.

Ophelia Benson, a feminist blogger known for her transgender exclusionary views, welcomed Dawkins to the Illuminati:  “Nine years ago, the Illuminati forced me to participate in a trivia contest with the fate of Seattle at stake.  At the time, I wasn’t too happy about that.  Boy, have times changed!  Now I’m the 5th Preceptor for the State of Washington—  Which just goes to show that if you hate trans people like I do, I can forgive almost anything you do.  Welcome aboard Richard.”

“Thank you.  I am happy to be a member of a society that values me as much as I value my honey.”

“I wonder if Richard ever offered his honey to J. K. Rowling.”

“Excuse me,” snapped Dawkins.  “Are you making comments during my speech?”

“Sorry.  Old habit.  On my blog, I like to post other people’s works and add my comments.”

Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler and Trustee-elect Troy Doris performed the Illuminati’s Rite of Acceptance for Dawkins.  After the ritual, Lawler and Doris addressed the audience.

Doris stated: “In Bolingbrook, we don’t care if you have a sister.  We don’t care if you’re into transcendental meditation.  We just don’t care.  Why are you giving me that look, Michael?”

Lawler then delivered his remarks:  “I would be remiss if I didn’t mention all the fine trans individuals who work for the Illuminati.  Some of them live in Bolingbrook and are involved with Bolingbrook Pride.  Professor, please understand that you were not brought into the Illuminati to spread transphobia.  You were accepted for your ability to spread anger and chaos around the world.  Please remember that.”

“If I didn’t just ask questions to so-called trans people, would I still be a popular British personality?”

“I think you would be like Daniel Radcliffe.”

“Yes, but—”

“I think I’m needed elsewhere.”

When reached for comment, Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta denied being a member of the Illuminati, or that Dawkins was recently in Bolingbrook. She then said:

“Before you log off, I’d like to run something by you before I present it to (Trustee Michael Carpanzano.)  As you know, Bolingbrook is a diverse community, and corporations now support diversity. So what do you think of this tagline? ‘Bolingbrook: Where your business can stay woke without going broke.’”

Also in the Babbler:

Russians threaten to shoot heat ray at Bolingbrook
Source: Sculptors submitting proposals for a 900-foot statue of former Mayor Roger Claar
Officials at the Department of Paranormal propose loosening restrictions on Wereskunks
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/30/21

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Aliens celebrate as Clow UFO Base’s restaurants reopen (Fiction)

By Reporter X

Aliens from across the galaxy flocked to Bolingbrook’s Clow UFO Base to celebrate the official reopening of its restaurants.

“It’s been a hard year,” said Clow Administrator and Mayor-elect Mary Alexander-Basta.  “Outside of Clow, we’re still not out of the woods.  The risk of unvaccinated humans getting infected is still high.  Inside Clow, however, every staff member is vaccinated, and most of our visitors are either immune or vaccinated.  So we can safely reopen everything!  So let’s a take a moment to mourn the dead, then celebrate our survival!”

Festivities included a flyover by the Unidentified Ariel Phenomena team, a team of aliens who like to spy on the US military.  While the team have attacked other less advanced civilizations, they insist they have no hostile intentions towards Earth.

“Sure we like to play ‘war games,’” said Goldst Postu, leader of the team.  “But Earth is under the protection of the Interstellar Commonwealth, so all we can do is admire your primitive military.  It would be fun to take on the US military.  We love a good sporting war.  If we don’t fight primitive militaries, they’ll attack each other.  That’s bad for all the civilians on a planet.  Too bad the Commonwealth doesn’t understand that. ”

One of the most popular places to reopen was the Weathertech Restaurant, where scraps from the Bolingbrook factory are transformed into culinary dishes.  While all of the dishes are unfit for human consumption, it is a popular interstellar tourist attraction. For the reopening, visitors waiting in line received free Mat Soup served in edible cups.

Lozgolz , who traveled from across the Milky Galaxy for the reopening, said: “Weathertech’s plastic dishes are great.  I wish humans could enjoy the taste of Weathertech instead of just using their plastic for containers and mats.”

Joshie Berger, owner of Worst to First and winner of the second season of Worst Cooks in America, had the loudest reopening celebration.  Berger started by delivering a long winded rant to the first guests.  He accused “feminists” and “Mother Nature” of trying to “cancel” him:

“I may have lost income and a guest rogue spot on the (Skeptics Guide to the Universe), but thanks to the Illuminati, I’m back and better than ever!  But I’m not here to talk about the evil women who drove me out of the skeptical movement!  I’m here to serve politically incorrect dishes, and deliver commentary that can’t be canceled!”

All the human guests complained about the “Gaslight Special” which included “Richard Carrier Bean Soup,” “Michael Shermer’s Grievance-free Cabbage Delight,” and “Ben Radford’s Ten Bean Delight.”  Many complained about the smells from the dining area, but some complained about experiencing hallucinations.

Paula, who asked that her last name not be used, claimed she might have hallucinated:  “I heard Richard Dawkins making transphobic remarks.  When I complained to the waiter, he said Richard Dawkins wasn’t in the restaurant.  Then Richard walked up to me and said he wasn’t there and if he was, I was misquoting him.  I just paid my bill and went to the nearest oxygen bar to clear my head.”

On a video chat, a receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she was in a meeting and could not be disturbed.  

In the background, Alexander-Basta, Trustee Sheldon Watts, Trustee Michael Carpanzano, and covert social media operative Charlene Spencer were sitting in a conference room.

Alexander-Basta said: “Okay.  Sheldon has agreed to stop calling me a ‘trustee-mayor abomination’ because I will be resigning my trustee position.  I agreed not to taunt him for the next year and a half.  Now, Charlene and Michael, I think it is time to set aside your differences and work together to promote Bolingbrook and stand against the Bolingbrook United insurrection.  It’s time to reunite Team Yin and Yang.  What do each of you think?”

Carpanzano replied: “While my opponent brags about being evil, has questionable ties to the Dark Web, and should be banned for life from the Internet, I will refuse to engage in personal attacks, and work for the good of the village.”

Spencer replied: “While my opponent owes his success to intellectual property theft, and does a horrible Pollyanna impersonation, I will use my unique connections to promote Bolingbrook and fight our common enemy.”

Carpanzano countered: “While I can work in the same room as my opponent, I will not give her the pleasure of hearing her lies.”  Carpanzano pulled out a rubber carp and held it up to her face:  “You are now carped.”

Spencer frowned and said: “While my opponent thinks he can ignore my truthful comments, I cannot be canceled.”  She pulled out a rubber alligator gar from her purse and held it up to Carpanzano’s face:  “I counter with my alligator gar!”

Alexander-Basta smiled.  “This is a starting point.”

Also in the Babbler:

Roger Claar Party demands recount following fifth place finish
PZ Myers to open Bolingbrook restaurant that caters to spiders
Russia threatens to unleash April snow attack on Chicagoland
God to smite Bolingbrook on 4/21/21

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Wipeout: First Party for Bolingbrook and DuPage Township Democrats sweep the 2021 Consolidated Election (Fiction)

Bolingbrook Election 2021: A Bolingbrook Babbler Special ReportThe Babbler sent out a team of reporters to cover the night of the historic 2021 election.  They returned these stories:

First Party ‘gets real’ during candidates’ victory speeches to the Illuminati

Mary Alexander-Basta, the Mayor-elect of Bolingbrook, addressed members of the Illuminati following the First Party for Bolingbrook’s sweeping of the 2021 Consolidated Election.

“Our opponents ran a negative campaign by trying to steal offices from us, “ said Alexander-Basta.  “We ran a positive campaign by trying to stay in office.  Thanks to the power of passive-aggressive positivity, we won!  Stay positive, Bolingbrook.”

The First Party won the races for mayor, clerk, and three open Village Trustee positions.  Bolingbrook United failed to defend the seat being vacated by Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz.  Bolingbrook Independent Voices will be represented by Trustee Sheldon Watts, who will be up for reelection in 2023.

After Alexander-Basta’s speech, the Grand Master Councilor of Egypt performed the Rite of the Phoenix in honor of her loyalty to the Illuminati and her efforts to spread global chaos outside of Bolingbrook.  She thanked the Grand Master Councilor and added: “Bolingbrook has the best golf club, best UFO Base, and is loyal to the best secret society!  Fnord!  That’s how I’m pronouncing it.”

Trustee Maria Zarate delivered a speech in English thanking local members of the Illuminati for their hard work.  She concluded with a message for Jaskiewicz.  In Spanish, she said: “May you suffer in Hell like you made us suffer at board meetings!”

Trustee-elect Troy Doris promised to be a “Better Sheldon than Sheldon.”  Possibly a reference to Trustee Sheldon Watts, the Bolingbrook Independent Voices mayoral candidate.  Doris also apologized for calling pro-choice supporters “anti-life.”

“Let’s try this again:  We’re not pro-QAnon Republicans.  We’re not pro-Child Trafficking Democrats.  We just don’t care!”

Trustee Michael Carpanzano ran on stage and whispered into Doris’s ear.

Doris replied: “Man!  This is harder than the triple jump.  Um, we do care about kids and—  Look! (Bolingbrook United Mayoral candidate Jackie Traynere) posted something on the Internet.”

Trustee Michael Lawler did not appear on stage.

After the slate performed the Rite of Ascension, an audience member asked how Alexander-Basta planned to rule Bolingbrook when over 57% of voters chose the other candidates. She laughed and said: “As our former Mayor once said, there are residents, and there are foes.  My supporters are residents and those voters are foes!  I don’t work with foes.”

New World Order crushes the Illuminati to retake DuPage Township

After years of conflict, the New World Order regained control of DuPage Township with the Democratic Party’s sweeping victory over the Illuminati-controlled Republicans.

“Tonight,” said Supervisor-elect Gary Marschke at the New World Order victory party, “The residents of our township rejected the Illuminati’s chaos and discord.  They rejected the chaos operatives from Edgar County.  They rejected the flagrant abuse of our legal system.  They voted for the harmony and order that only we can provide.  So to the good residents of DuPage Township, I say this: Get ready to experience the might of a fully operational township!”

New World Order member and outgoing Republican Trustee Ken Burgess congratulated the victors:  “We may not be members of the same political party, but we are united in our belief that order must be maintained against chaos.  We understand that in the right hands, the right amount of order in a society will let freedom bloom.  I congratulate my fellow NWO colleagues for their victory against the Illuminati.  Just don’t raise my taxes, okay?”

Later in the party, Bolingbrook’s Deputy Mayor Michael Lawler wondered in and was surrounded by four Men in Black.

“I thought our victory party was at Lou Malnati’s,” said Lawler.

“No,” replied Trustee-elect Reem Townsend.  “The Illuminati is meeting at the Golf Club this time.  Since we’re in a good mood tonight, we’ll order the Men in Black to take you home.”

“Since I’m in a good mood, I won’t tell Mary on all of you.”

After Lawler left, Townsend said, “Why do I have a feeling I’m going to be quoted in the Babbler?”

“Don’t worry,” replied Terri Ransom.  “Nobody believes the Babbler.”

Opposition parties eventually accept crushing defeats in Bolingbrook

Bolingbrook Independent Voices, Bolingbrook United, and the DuPage Township Republicans eventually accepted their major defeats.  However the DuPage Township Republicans almost started an insurrection.

During DuPage Township Trustee Alyssia Benford’s speech to the Bolingbrook Illuminati, she announced that she was about to summon the Edgar County Irregular Militia to help her “find” enough votes for her to win.  A masked man stormed on stage and warned her not to call them.

“I spent over $40,000 on the First Party,” said the man.  “I am not going have you ruin my investment with a civil war!”

“I am a Knight of Chaos and a CPA,” replied Benford.  “I must claim my election today.”

“Not on my watch,” countered the man.  “As a Knight, you are sworn to spread chaos outside of Bolingbrook.  Instead, you have spent years sowing chaos in my village!  This election wasn’t stolen from you.  You lost!  Why the (expletive deleted) did you think it was a good idea to pick Deborah Williams and Antonio Timothee?”

“Because I’m the biggest—” replied Timothee.

“Joke on Bolingbrook’s Facebook groups.” snapped the man.  “Alyssia, call off your dogs from Edgar County or you won’t be a CPA.  You’ll be DOA!”

At the New World Order Victory Party, mayoral candidate Jackie Traynere announced that she had congratulated Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta for her win.  

“I thought we could pull it off this time,” said Traynere.  “Instead, we lost ground since the 2017 election.  But I will take some comfort knowing that I beat (Trustee Sheldon Watts).  I will also take comfort knowing that I still have my seat on the Will County Board.  I heard Sheldon will have to perform the Illuminati’s Rite of the Burning Mile  if he wants a future in Bolingbrook politics.  I hope he has tough feet.”

Charlene Spencer, a volunteer for Bolingbrook Independent Voices, announced during a video call that she was going to contest the election results:

“There’s no way BIV came in last place.  The First Party had nothing but their passive aggressive positivity.  We ran a shining campaign filled with vague promises, real residents, and tons of drone footage!  That was a recipe for a landslide.  This election was rigged, and I will prove to the right people that that a conspiracy by Anwar Sadat, Jimmy Carter, Mao—”

Watts ran into the room and said: “Charlene!  What are you doing?  You know that’s a big lie.  We lost—”

“Lost?  Are you kidding?  I’ve only just begun to fight for you!”

“There’e aren’t enough outstanding votes to save us.  It’s over.”

“It’s only a minor setback!  We can still take over the board!”

“At what cost?”

“I’ll give you a discount—”

“No!  Charlene, stand down.  I’m going to concede!”

“Sheldon!  You need to stop backing down to Mary all the time like you did with Roger. Seize this moment and you’ll be remembered as the Mayor who liberated Bolingbrook!  Democracy is dumb, Sheldon!  Help me put it out of its misery!”

Watts shook his head.  “Democracy is not dumb.  You’re confusing our patriotic rituals with democracy.  The ideas of democracy are not dumb.  Respecting the will of the people is smart.  Supporting the peaceful transition of power to the victor is smart.  The idea that any resident or slate in Bolingbrook has a chance to non-violently win control of the government is fundamental to Bolingbrook’s well being.”

“But,” protested Charlene.  “If we don’t stop her now, I know she’ll declare Bolingbrook to be under the rule of the Eternal Kingdom of the First Party, and she’ll—”  

“She won’t, and even if she did, she’d fail.  In Ecclesiastes 3:1—”

“I’m an atheist, Sheldon.  Your Bible trick won’t work on me.”

“Fine.  Then I will cite George Hrab.  ‘The fairness of unfairness is in everything’s demise.’  It is unfair that we lost and (Former Mayor Roger Claar) used me.  But Roger’s time will end.  The First Party will eventually disband, and it will be a time for a new party to take over.  Maybe it will be my party.  Maybe not.  But for the good of Bolingbrook, we need to preserve representative democracy.  That’s what really counts, Charlene.  I’d rather lose 100 elections than see Bolingbrook descend into despotism, anarchy, or worse.  So please stop trying to overthrow this election, and help me win the next election, okay?”

“You…You actually listened to a George Hrab album?  For me?”

“Yes, and may the Lord forgive me.”

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

A Babbler Special Report: Bolingbrook’s countdown to democracy (Fiction)

Bolingbrook Election 2021: A Bolingbrook Babbler Special ReportOn April 6, voters will select Bolingbrook’s first new mayor since 1986, and possibly end one-party rule in Bolingbrook.  For the past few months, voters have had to contend with a flood of flyers; debates over the meaning of the word “tax,” and passive-aggressive positivity from two local parties.  We sent out a team of reporters to cover the final days of the campaign.  They returned with these stories:

Will County ‘highly prepared’ for any possible insurrection

According to anonymous sources, Will County is “highly prepared” to deal with any “unlikely” insurrection related to the April 6 election.

According to “Joe,” (who asked that we didn’t use his real name), the county government has been holding secret “insurrection drills” for weeks: “We’re prepared for the normal kinds of insurrections, like angry protesters trying to storm the Clerk’s office, or armed downstate militia members trying to execute county officials if their candidate doesn’t win.  We’ve also prepared for some unusual scenarios, like an attack by foreign special forces operatives, a board member going rogue, an act of a vengeful god, and a former mayor throwing a temper tantrum.   We might even run a drill for what to do if we’re attacked by a certain Florida woman. But these are all unlikely.  In Will County, we use paper ballots, and our clerk believes in free and fair elections, no matter who wins.  Remember, we’re Will County, not Cook County.”

Will County Clerk Lauren Staley Ferry refused to comment about any possible drills but said:

“We have a great sheriff’s department, and I know they would never stage a coup.  Anyway, I believe the people who supported Trump’s insurrection have switched their focus to fighting the Coronavirus vaccine.  I guess some people just enjoy being wrong.  Anyway, just tell your readers they can vote early, or vote on election day, but that they can only vote once.”

In the background, a man yelled, “Start.”

A woman replied, “Attention!  I am a CPA.  I feel like overthrowing the government today.”

Alien election observers arrive at Clow UFO Base
By Reporter X

Election observers from the Interstellar Commonwealth arrived at Clow UFO Base to ensure the integrity of Bolingbrook’s April 6 election. 

Representatives from Bolingbrook’s three political parties greeted the observers.

Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta, representing the First Party for Bolingbrook, said: “I am honored that the Interstellar Commonwealth would send its finest election observers to certify my upcoming victory.”

Trustee Sheldon Watts, representing the Bolingbrook Independent Voices party, replied: “I too am honored that you have come here to see me slay a trustee-mayor abomination— At the polls, of course.”

Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz, representing Bolingbrook United, greeted the delegation and said: “I’m here to help Bolingbrook transition from Roger’s authoritarian rule to a true democracy.  I’d like Jackie Traynere to win, but I’m happy knowing that the residents of Bolingbrook have already won their freedom.”

Globly, the head delegate, told the party representatives that they were wearing bulletproof human suits, and were inoculated with the coronavirus vaccine developed on Venus:

“Many species have replaced democracy with an implant that allows all members to subconsciously reach consensus decisions.  Unfortunately, Earth isn’t that advanced and relies on paper ballots.  Until the humans of Bolingbrook are ready to evolve, we are happy to ensure a free and fair election, without the direct interference of the Illuminati or the New World Order determining the outcome.”

Wereskunk arrested for canvasing under the influence

Bolingbrook’s Department of Paranormal Affairs arrested a wereskunk and charged her with public intoxication.  The wereskunk, according to sources, was canvassing for the DuPage Township’s Republican slate of candidates.

The Department released a statement that read: “We are withholding the name of the wereskunk while she is going through detox.  If you were sprayed by this wereskunk, do not bathe in tomato juice.  Bathe in baking soda instead.  Please do not judge all wereskunks by the actions of this one wereskunk.”

Jessica, (who asked that we not use her last name), claims the wereskunk sprayed her yard signs:  “I thought a normal skunk got into our garbage, but then I looked outside and saw this giant skunk.  When she saw me, she laughed and said she was owning the libs.  Well, I’ll own her and a toter once the DuPage Township Democrats sweep the township election.”

Jake, (who also asked that we not use his last name), said he saw the wereskunk littering Republican flyers in his neighborhood:  

“She was in her human form and had this glassy look in her eyes.  When I told her to stop littering, she shapeshifted into this monster skunk.  Then she started chanting: ‘Meth!  Meth!  It’s the best!’  Believe me, seeing a monster skunk on meth is the best anti-drug argument.”

A receptionist for Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta said she was busy and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta, said: “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out what you said about me?  Charline and (name redacted) may have left me, but I still have my sources.  Those sources say you call me a ‘wicked Egyptian’ leader!”

“But—” replied a woman.

“When I found out, I went over to our police chief.  He told me that the Village of Bolingbrook doesn’t have any slaves or indentured workers.  The village has never commissioned a cat statue, and, as mayor, I’ve never changed my mind.  Just like Roger.”

“But—”

“Don’t blame me if you don’t know how to bake bread.  If you have a problem with me, you come to my office and say it to my face.  Don’t vote me out of office because you don’t like me.  That’s so negative!”

“But we weren’t talking about you.  We were celebrating Passover.”

“Well…Not all Egyptians enslaved the Jews!”

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.