Village of Bolingbrook rejects atheist interactive hologram holiday display (Fiction)

The Village of Bolingbrook rejected the Church of Christopher Hitchens’ display of interactive holograms of atheist leaders to the International Festival of Lights :

“While we recognize that atheists are part of Bolingbrook’s diversity,” said a source with ties to the Civic and Cultural Affairs Commission,  “Their display was in poor taste.  To paraphrase a former village manager, atheists are already represented by the empty space around the village hall.  Adding their offensive display would mean that atheists would be overrepresented.”

David X. Silverton, leader of Bolingbrook’s Church of Christopher Hitchens, strongly disagreed with the decision: “We tried to be sensitive to their feelings.  We didn’t make a hologram of Hitch.  May his words slap the stupid.  This was an opportunity to give residents a much-needed dose of science and reason.  The commission caved into superstition and Trumpism!”

According to various sources, the display rotated interactive holograms of well-known atheist leaders.  It was similar to the display at the Illinois Holocaust Museum where onlookers are able to ask each of the holograms questions. However, some sources claimed that a few holograms actively heckled bystanders.

Mary, who did not want her real name published, described her experience with the Dan Barker hologram:  “We got off to a bad start when it said, ‘Happy Solstice!’ I said it was Christmas and he should get into the spirit of the season.  He laughed, and played this horrible song!  I won’t pray for his soul!  Especially after I left and he yelled, ‘Happy War on Christmas!’”

Steve Z. Gilmore claims he interacted with a hologram of PZ Myers: “I asked if he was going to swallow a package of communion wafers. He said he made his point years ago, and he’s no longer a member of the New Atheists.  Then he said he was just going to show off his new friend, Heidi.  Heidi turned out to be a spider!  I hate spiders.  I screamed and ran away.  PZ yelled, ‘Heidi, the holiday spider, only bites people who don’t wear masks!’”

Lisa, who asked that we not use her real name, found the Taslima Nasreen hologram offensive:  “She said that the Coronavirus was proof there is no God.  I told her I was Muslim and deeply offended.  She said she was offended that I was offended.  I started to educate her on Islam, but you won’t believe what she said.  She said that since she faced death threats, and is banned from Bangladesh and West Bengal, she wasn’t afraid of me boring her.  God is great, and she isn’t!”

 Acting Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta could not be reached for comment. Her receptionist added:

“If this church is real, we might be tempted to fine them if they’re holding indoor services.”

In the background, a woman who sounded like covert social media operative Charlene Spencer, said: “You summoned me, Acting Mayor Mary?”

“That’s Mayor Mary,” replied a woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta.

“Not until you’re elected,”

“We’ll deal with that later.  I want to talk to you about your proposed advisory questions.”

“You’re welcome.  I’m glad I was able to fulfill my contractual obligation to the First Party by giving you 20 years worth of advisory questions.  That should keep garbage toters off the ballot until at least 2041.”

“But some of these questions are outrageous!  Your ‘Fund the Police’ question not only bans cuts to the Bolingbrook Police Department, it requires the village to increase the department’s funding every year.  That means the police budget would bankrupt the village in five years.”

“Don’t worry about that Acting Mayor—”

“Mayor!”

“Whatever.  You don’t really think the point of these questions is to seek to advise from the voters, do you?  These questions are designed to motivate your supporters to go to the polls.  Think about it: Do you really think Republicans put advisory questions on the ballot about splitting Chicago from Illinois because they want to turn Illinois into Mississippi North?”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah.  In fact, I think you screwed up when you added the cannabis question to the ballot.  That’s going to motivate more of Bolingbrook United’s supporters to go to the polls.”

“Please.  This is why I’m so glad you’re no longer working for us.  You might be full of yourself now, but you’re in for a rude awakening when The First Party sweeps the election, and shames (Trustee Sheldon Watts) into resigning.”

“No, You’ll be in for a rude awakening, when Bolingbrook Independent Voices sweeps the election.  You’ll end up covered in eagle droppings, and finishing in third place behind Jackie Traynere!”

“Get out before I put you in a time out!”

Also in the Babbler:

Chicagoland UFO Bases take an extended holiday as COVID-19 devours Illinois
Zombie turkey ruins Bolingbrook family’s Thanksgiving
Interstellar diplomat claims COVID-19 originated in Naperville
God to smite Bolingbrook on 12/3/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Brace yourselves: The Winterfest Fundraiser is coming! (Non-fiction)

Freethought’s Winterfest!

It’s time for another Freethought Blogs fundraiser!  (We still have bills to pay!)  The main event is on 12/5/20 and the schedule is coming together.

I will be contributing to the story chain.  This time I will be finishing the story.  I hope to contribute a video to the creativity discussion, be interviewed by PZ, play Among Us, and try to survive another QI style quiz.  Let’s see what happens!

There will also be auctions.  If you like me to run an auction, let me know in the comments.

 

Meet the newest FTB member (Non-fiction)

Dan Arel, a former Patheos blogger,  just joined Freethought Blogs:

However, today I am thrilled to relaunch on Freethought Blogs and begin a new chapter in my life. I decided to keep the name, first because it still has some recognition, but second and most importantly it fits what I hope this blog will be, which is a discussion and exploration of culture, society, and humans. By this I mean, I will be discussing politics, and exploring my political beliefs. I will be discussing religion and the atheist/secular community, and I will even be discussing other passions like mine such as technology and data privacy.

It’s nice to reverse the trend of losing bloggers to Patheos.  He’ll be providing his perspective on labor issues, secularism, and parenting.

He was recently interviewed by Steve Shives:

Welcome to the network, Dan!

A Babbler Thanksgiving (Fiction)

The staff is taking the week off to prepare for a Zoom Thanksgiving.  So please enjoy what has become a Babbler Thanksgiving Tradition: Dale Onofrey’s famous (infamous?) video where he just asks questions about the holiday!

Note: This is a work of fiction.

Web Exclusive: Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta gives her first Babbler interview! (Mixed)

Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta (Image from the First Party for Bolingbrook site.)

Out of character:  Back in October, I emailed a list of questions to Acting Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta.  I just received her reply today, and I appreciate that she took the time out of her busy schedule to answer my Babbler style questions.

When Mayor Roger Claar stepped down after 34 years in office, Trustee Mary Alexander-Basta, to the surprise of some residents, stepped up to become the acting mayor of Bolingbrook.  

The Babbler, after many calls, psychic interventions, and possible aid from an alien ambassador, finally managed to get an email interview with her.  Though it turned out to be a short interview, she did announce a major shift in the Village’s diplomatic stance towards the Martian Colonies.

The following are her replies to our questions:

Why did you volunteer to become the acting mayor?

When Roger retired state statutes require that his replacement come from the sitting board. I was voted in unanimously by the Trustees. 

In an interview with The American University in Cairo, you stated that your goals were to “maintain what was built by Mayor Roger C. Claar” and “to keep Bolingbrook a place to grow, a place where individuals or families of any size, age and nationality are able to call it home.”  Since serving as the acting mayor, have your goals changed or have you added new goals?

As Mayor those continue to be my goals. Additionally my goal is to provide more transparency, more discussion to unite residents on issues facing our community, and continued careful planning. I also plan to work with other area Mayors as well as continue to work with the Heritage Corridor and the DuPage Convention & Visitors Bureau to promote Bolingbrook 

What have been your greatest challenges during your term as mayor?

My greatest challenges have been to find creative ways to help our restaurants, hotels and small businesses survive during these unprecedented times.

What have been your greatest successes?

My successes include settling the Fire contract, getting a tree trimming project approved for the first time over 4000 trees in our village will be trimmed. Hiring a Police Chief, Hiring a Fire Chief. With the assistance of the Village’s CIO (Chief Information Officer) we continue to introduce new technology to make it easier for residents and businesses to interact with the village, report issues and monitor the status of the results. Additionally we provide more info on what is happening in the village by way of Social Media, Bolingbrook App, Brook Alerts, BCTV channel 6 & Village Website.

Will you run for mayor in the 2021 election?

Yes I announced my candidacy on Monday, November 9, 2020

Will the crew of Clow UFO Base still host the annual holiday concert, even though the base is locked down due to the COVID-19 pandemic?

Just like all other community events, things will have to look a little different this year. Fortunately, the technology required to communicate in space is advanced enough to bring the concert directly to our living rooms through virtual, interactive experience.

How will you maintain peace between the wereskunks and the weredogs?

We have been in communication with the weresquirrels, and they have agreed to maintain an open line of communications with the animal space world should anything arise.

As you are aware, a secret tunnel now connects Hidden Lakes with Lake Whalon. This tunnel allows the Hidden Lakes Monster to swim in Lake Whalon.  Some people say the monster is depleting Lake Whalon’s fish population.  Do you agree the fish are depleted, and should the Hidden Lakes Monster still have access to Lake Whalon?

It’s actually a common misconception that the Hidden Lakes Monster feeds on fish. He is actually a vegetarian. He has been crossing the tunnel as they have formed an alliance against other predators. However, that passage will be monitored more closely now due to social distancing guidelines.

As many residents know, the Martian Colonial Marines have a cloaked outpost on the former site of Old Chicago.  They want to establish a permanent base and disguise it as an Amazon Warehouse.  Former Mayor Roger Claar threatened to sue the Martian Colonies in Interstellar Court if they didn’t withdraw from Bolingbrook.  Will you follow through on that threat?

It’s important to remember that Bolingbrook is a diverse community that welcomes all. As long as they maintain peace and contribute to our community in a positive manner we will have no issues.

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Web Exclusive: ‘Doomsday Crew’ evacuates Clow UFO Base (Fiction)

By Reporter X

In another blow to Bolingbrook’s economy, Clow UFO Base’s “Doomsday Crew” will close the base this week and relocate to the moon.

The crew released a statement stating:  “It is not safe to keep Clow UFO Base open in any capacity.  The 19.8% positivity rate in our COVID region is too high, and although we are glad the courts dismissed lawsuits challenging the Governor’s mitigation orders, it is not enough.  With Dr. Scott Atlas’ recent threats to Michigan and the President determined to infect this country, we believe the pro-virus forces are too strong to keep out.  To protect the safety of the solar system and the galaxy, we must evacuate.”

According to Bolingbrook’s Department of Interstellar Affairs, the Interstellar Commonwealth will transport the crew to a quarantine camp on the moon.  The Commonwealth hopes the crew will be able to return to Bolingbrook by Valentine’s Day.  

“If humanity can’t get this pandemic under control,” said an anonymous employee at the department, “then our crew members have the option of relocating to zoos across the galaxy.  They could be used as part of a breeding program to save humanity.  Hey.  They knew this could happen when they volunteered.”

In addition to evacuating the crew, any alien visitors must also leave the Bolingbrook area by the end of the week.  

“This stinks,” says Xoblock, an anthropologist from Ross 128b.  “My university spent a fortune so I could personally observe how Bolingbrook residents deal with a pandemic.  I guess I’ll have to watch them from orbit, but it won’t be the same.”

In a televised announcement, Bolingbrook Village Trustee Robert Jaskiewicz urged residents to wear masks and to follow COVID-19  mitigation measures:  “Stay at home if you can, and wear a mask and social distance if you can’t.  Order lots of takeout meals.  The sooner we can get this virus under control, the sooner we can reopen (Clow UFO Base.)”

Trustee Sheldon Watts released a statement regretting the crew’s departure:  “God has given us the science to find a vaccine, and the strength to do what must be done to both reopen Clow, and to rebuild Bolingbrook.  Don’t be a tool of Satan.  Wear a mask to save lives and save our UFO Base.”

According to sources, the Interstellar Commonwealth will decide on issuing a “No landing” order for all of North America by Friday.  If enacted, all UFO bases in the United States and Canada would be forced to temporarily close until the start of the Biden administration.

Clow Airport will remain open.

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Editorial: Will Bolingbrook’s government survive the 2021 election with three parties competing? (Fiction)

File photo of Acting Bolingbrook Mayor Mary Alexander Basta (From the Village of Bolingbrook.) She is running for election on the First Party for Bolingbrook slate.

by Dale Onofrey
Columnist

Since the mid-1980s, most of Bolingbrook’s elections had only one political party on the ballot.  Barring any legal actions, Bolingbrook’s 2021 voters will have a choice of three political parties, and each one will run a full slate of candidates for the village board.

Voters will choose from:

  • First Party for Bolingbrook: The ruling political party, with Acting Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta at the top of their slate in her quest to become an elected mayor.
  • Bolingbrook United: At three years old, it’s Bolingbrook’s oldest opposition party.  Jackie Traynere, who will be stepping down as a Will County Board Member, nearly defeated Mayor Roger Claar in 2017.  Will 2021 be her year?
  • Bolingbrook Independent Voices: The new political party lead by Trustee Sheldon Watts, a former member of the First Party for Bolingbrook.

Now I’ll be honest, I think it will be a rough campaign.  There will be arguments over whether the charge residents pay for garbage removal should be called a “Garbage Tax” or a “Garbage Fee.”  There will be accusations of one party being under the control of “Roger’s political machine,” “Cook County Democrats,” or “questionable Chicago businessmen.”  I expect the First Party to claim the mantle of positivity while launching passive-aggressive attacks against their opponents.  Bolingbrook United, as in the past, will call for reforms, and opponents will demand specifics that they won’t require from the other parties.  Bolingbrook Independent Voices, I suspect, will claim they have a unique path forward for Bolingbrook.  Their opponents might point out the contradiction of claiming to be independent while belonging to a political party at the same time.  

All of the parties will be flooding our mailboxes with postcards and literature.  Their online ads will find their way to our screens.  Some of the ads will be negative.  Some of them will make us mad.  And that’s before Russian, Chinese, Pakistani, Indian, and Iranian trolls pile on.  All the negativity might make it harder for residents of Bolingbrook to feel they will survive the 2021 election.

However, assuming we’re not in the middle of a civil war or dealing with the aftermath of a nuclear war, Bolingbrook should survive the 2021 election.  Bolingbrook has had multiparty elections and village boards in the past and survived.  For example, at one point in the late 1970s, the village board was divided between Mayor Bob Bailey’s party, Trustee Edward Rosenthal’s Bolingbrook Pride party, and independent Trustee Roger Claar.

After thirty years of one-party rule, it will be disorienting to go through an election with three viable political parties.  I suppose some residents will feel uncomfortable. They will long for the days when we could just leave all the decisions up to Mayor Claar and consider anyone who disagreed with him a troublemaker.  But the truth is that Roger’s vision for Bolingbrook wasn’t the only one.  It’s just that most of the dissenting voices were silenced by the one-party system. 

In 2021, more of those voices will be heard.  Yes, it could mean ugly campaigns, and the election of individuals or slates you might hate.  But that’s what having a democracy is about.  Democracy shouldn’t be an empty term used for patriotic signaling at village events.  It should mean that the residents have an opportunity to let their voices be heard.  Making that a reality means Bolingbrook will not just survive the next election, it will thrive afterward.

Also in the Babbler:

Village of Bolingbrook rejects buying an orbital mirror
Wereseagulls endorse Sheldon Watts for Mayor
Interstellar Commonwealth congratulates President-elect Joe Biden
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/18/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group. 

Video: Rebecca Watson on the “COVID-19 Risk Map” (Non-Fiction)

To put it mildly, Rebecca Waston isn’t a fan of the COVID-19 Event Risk Assessment map:

The LA Times says that the interactive computer professor saying “she hoped more people would use the COVID-19 Risk Assessment Planning Tool to help them make decisions about how many local friends and family to invite to their celebrations, and whether traveling to different parts of the country — or even within the same state — is worth the risk.”

My mind is blown at how incredibly irresponsible this is. Just, so, so stupid. Let me detail just a few of the reasons why.

 

(Link) Trump will leave but…(Non-fiction)

With Trump’s refusal to concede, his moves at the Pentagon, and ridiculous allegations of voter fraud, there’s a lot of speculation that Trump is plotting a coup.

Personally, I tend to side more with Amanda Marcotte’s view that Trump will fail to stay in office, but his talk and actions are still dangerous:

Coups are hard, and they tend to fail. Donald Trump and a bunch of Nunes toadies sure aren’t organized and focused enough to pull it off in the face of nearly insurmountable obstacles.

Trump will be slinking out of the White House in about nine weeks. But that doesn’t mean his reality TV-style failed coup isn’t dangerous. It’s very much is — because Trump is pushing his already vitriolic and authoritarian followers further down the path towards rejecting democracy entirely.
In 2016, I initially didn’t think Trump would win, but I was worried about a Trump 2.0 running in 2020.  Someone who would lay off Twitter.  Someone who would say the right things to military leaders instead of remaining silent while Russia places a bounty on US Troops.  Someone who could say the hateful things Trump says but have better management skills and a team to better implement his bigotry.
Instead of a near miss, we got Trump, and Trump did considerable damage.  Even I couldn’t imagine how he’d bungle a pandemic.  And he’s not done.
As Marcotte writes, Trump promotes the idea that votes for anyone who is not part of his Republican party are illegal.  That because most Democratic voters live in urban areas, and many are non-white. Therefore Democrats aren’t “real” Americans.  His supporters may talk about freedom and democracy, but what they’re really promoting is authoritarianism.
The voters defeated Trump, and, due to a lack of planning, Trump won’t be able to stay in office past January 20.  But he can create a huge mess for Biden in the government and create more misery by ignoring the COVID-19 pandemic as it flares up again.  Combine this with the Republicans holding the Senate, and probably of a Trump 2.0 being elected in 2024 increases.  And this person might be much harder to organize against than Trump.
Trump might be out of office next year, but I’m concerned that his actions during the lame-duck session will have dangerous consequences for the US and the rest of the world.

Village of Bolingbrook defies Trump’s order to demolish Clow UFO Base (Fiction)

File photo of a UFO over Bolingbrook.

Despite an executive order from Donald Trump, the Village of Bolingbrook has chosen to spare Clow UFO base from destruction.

“We’re sorry the President lost,” said Donna K. Smith, spokesperson for Bolingbrook’s Department of Interstellar Affairs.  “But our pity does not give Trump the authority to order the destruction of Clow UFO Base.”

According to Smith, normally a scuttle order can only be jointly issued by the Mayor, the Mayor Emeritus, and a representative of the Illuminati.  Since Clow is currently operating under the “Doomsday Operation Procedures”(DOP),  only the acting commander and a representative of the Interstellar Commonwealth can order the destruction of Clow.

Smith continued: “(Former Mayor Roger Claar) placing Clow under DOP is yet another example of his genius, and why residents should continue to listen to him.”

As reported by video recordings transmitted from Clow, Trump summoned the crew of Clow and the Village Board for a video meeting.  Trump announced that he had fired First Lady Melania Trump as the head of US UFO Base Operations.  Trump said he was very disappointed in Bolingbrook:

“I asked nicely, ‘Please move your Golf Club.’  Roger said no.  I asked again.  Whatshername said she would get back to me.  She never did.  Then your residents voted against me.  Yes, I’m mad, but I’m a reasonable person.  So your Golf Club can stay put, but your base has to go!”

Acting Mayor Mary Alexander-Basta left the room.  Trustee Sheldon Watts stood and denounced Trump:

“You tainted Roger’s legacy. COVID-19 is running rampant in Bolingbrook because of your incompetence!  Residents are unemployed because you won’t deal with the virus.  You’re trampling on democracy by refusing to concede.  Now you want to destroy Bolingbrook’s interstellar economy because you’re mad!  Well, I’m mad at you.  Mad at the Cook County Democrats, and mad at Roger!  On behalf of the independent voices of Bolingbrook, I’m saying no.  No to you, no to (Illinois House Speaker Michael Madigan), and no to (Will County Board member Jackie Traynere)!”

Alexander-Basta walked back in and said: “Nice speech Sheldon, but let’s hear from someone who matters.”

Co-Administrator Ken Teppel walked into the room and announced: “We’re not destroying Clow UFO Base because President-Elect Biden just overruled you.”

“Fake news! I won many states!  I declared myself the winner.”

“Maybe, but Joe outranks you in the Illuminati, so I’m listening to him.”

“Sleepy Joe is a member of the New World Order.”

“Yeah, but due to a big oversight, he’s also a member of the Illuminati, and it’s too late to remove him.  Plus, the Global Master Councilor likes the chaos opportunities a Biden Presidency can create.  So he’s staying put and we’re not destroying Clow.”

A receptionist for Alexander-Basta said she was busy and could not be disturbed.

In the background, a woman who sounded like Trustee Watts, said: “I just declared my candidacy for Mayor of Bolingbrook.”

“I’m sorry,” said a woman who sounded like Alexander-Basta.

“Sorry?”

“Once you’ve been ripped apart by Roger’s campaign fund, Roger’s political action committee, the Something First Something Bolingbrook Something Party, and Bolingbrook United, your reputation will be ruined.”

“Nonsense!  I will win by representing the independent voices of Bolingbrook!”

“Just because your new party has the word “Independent” in its name, doesn’t mean it’s independent.  In fact, I’m going to have so much fun pointing out that your biggest donor so far is a Cook County Democrat and a political ally of (Chicago Mayor Lori Lightfoot.)”

Willie Wilson doesn’t count as a Cook County Democrat!”

Also in the Babbler:

Trustee Watts survives Illuminati’s ‘Rite of the Phoenix’
Alien freezer accidentally dropped on Bolingbrook home
WeatherTech denies its working on a secret patriotic-themed PPE contest
God to smite Bolingbrook on 11/13/20

Note:  This is a work of fiction. All opinions expressed are my own. They do not reflect the views of any organization I work for or of my employer.  Feel free to leave a comment here or in the Bolingbrook Babbler Readers Group.