Web Exclusive: Palatine police arrest their first alien (Fiction)


By Reporter X

Months after the opening of Rob Sherman UFO Base, the Palatine Police Department arrested their first alien.  The department made the announcement during a press conference with members of the interstellar press:

“We know most of the aliens visiting Palatine are decent interstellar citizens,” Said Sheila Z. Blake, the head of the Interstellar Division.  “But today, we sent a message to the fallen stars.  If you break the law in Palatine, you will be arrested, and you will be turned over to the New World Order.  Oh, and the Bill of Rights does not apply to alien criminals.”

According to Blake, an unnamed alien was in the middle of breaking into a car when the owner spotted it.  The alien oozed into the car then drove it away.

Officer Sasha was the first to answer the call:  “I’d just finished our alien training session when my supervisor told me to arrest this alien.  I asked if it was a test.  She said there was no time for a test.  I was nervous, but I knew I had taken good notes.”

The police chased the alien around Palatine for about an hour before it crashed the car on Rand Rd.  It ran into the Foxfire Condominium complex, where officers finally cornered it.

“Even though my partner screwed up the taser net deployment,” said Sasha, “We were able to capture the alien alive.  When we asked him why he stole a car when he had access to more advanced spacecraft, he just asked for a lawyer.  I guess alleged criminals are the same across the galaxy.”

Blake said that the alien is in a “secure facility.”  She added that the division is looking for an alien, disguised as a man, who has been spotted knocking on people’s doors and looking inside their mailboxes.

“We hope this alien is just confused about local customs, but if not, we are ready to deal with it.”

During the conference, Palatine Mayor Jim Schwantz entered the room.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

Blake replied: “I am holding a press conference with members of the interstellar media, your honor.”

Schwantz laughed.  “You can’t fool a Fremd graduate.  You’re holding a costume party.”

“I can’t fool you, your honor.  Yes, we are celebrating Star Trek: Discovery’s renewal.  Everyone here is off duty, and you’ll see that I paid the rental fee for this room.”

“Carry on then.”

Schwantz left.  

“That was close,” said Sasha.

Note:  This is a work of fiction.