Note: The Bolingbrook Babbler shares content from our sister publications around the world. This article comes from the Red Deer Reporter, based in Red Deer, Alberta, Canada.
Anonymous Sources say Prime Minister Justin Trudeau used an exoskeleton to resist President Donald Trump’s grab and pull handshake.
“His cabinet was worried when we saw what Trump did to the Japanese Prime Minister,” said one source. “We suspect that Trump used some kind of enhancement.” He then made a cough that sounded like he was saying: “steroids and speed.” He continued: “We figured that if Trump wants to use an enhanced handshake, so can the Prime Minister.”
The sources agree that Trudeau used a top secret military exoskeleton during his visit to the White House. The suit, according to the sources, is currently used by warehouse workers in Canada’s restricted bases. Said a source named Bob: “If this powered suit can lift 100 Kg, it can resit Donald Trump’s aggressive handshake.”
Staff members were allegedly impressed with the exoskeleton’s performance during the visit. They also praised how Trudeau managed the suit’s battery. “If you paid attention during the second handshake, Trudeau’s apparent hesitation was actually him turning on the suit. He didn’t waste his power like a certain world leader is doing.”
An anonymous source at the White House denied that that Trump uses an enhanced handshake. “You are not reporting the true story! You need to get back to Canada and tell your readers the truth! The truth is the Canadian government is overrun with Reptillians and everyone who voted for your leader is probably an alien. Stop attacking our President and start asking how our great President can save Canada!”
A spokesperson for Trudeau denied that he used an enhanced handshake. “Justin is the strongest and fittest world leader alive! He knows how to box! President Obama could have put up a fight, but Trump! Ha! He’d kick his ass just as badly as we kicked your asses in the War of 1812!”
A man who sounded like Trudeau then took the phone. “My apologies for his unusual rashness. I just want to assure my fellow citizens that not only will we welcome refugees, we will also welcome expat Canadians back as well. Even if you think you were a lousy Canuck.”
Also in the Red Deer Reporter:
First US refugees arrive in Red Deer
Local Burger King to test burger with Tim Horton’s doughnut bun
Mayor urge all werecats to stay indoors this winter
God to spare Red Deer on 14/2/17