Sumerians Look On In Confusion As Christian God Creates World

Apparently, God creating the world 6,000 years ago was a big surprise to the ancient civilizations who were already living on it. Or so reports the Onion.

“I do not understand,” reads an ancient line of pictographs depicting the sun, the moon, water, and a Sumerian who appears to be scratching his head. “A booming voice is saying, ‘Let there be light,’ but there is already light. It is saying, ‘Let the earth bring forth grass,’ but I am already standing on grass.”

“Everything is here already,” the pictograph continues. “We do not need more stars.”


  1. says

    After which the Sumerians said a prayer to their god Ninkasi, the Goddess of Beer. And they prayed to her thus: "It is you who pour the filtered beer out of the collector vat; it is like the onrush of the Tigris and the Euphrates. Ninkasi, it is you who pour out the filtered beer out of the collector vat; it is like the onrush of the Tigris and the Euphrates."Amen and Hallelujah This is a god I can relate to.

  2. says

    Obviously G-d intended for those ancient heathens to have false memories of living on an older planet, so that their puny mortal minds were not exposed to the act of creation or its after-effects.Was 'The Onion' under the impression that history or archeology could refute the intuitive feelings of humans?

  3. DavidCT says

    God has supposedly been around so long that it is not surprising that the Alzheimer's is setting in. It might help explain his actions in the Bible. The multiverse must be real if god can't remember making the universe and keeps making more.

  4. says

    I posted this article on Ray Comfort's blog. One of his underlings posted back:"Actually, Michael, Abraham was a Sumerian. So I'm sure he wasn't surprised at all."There is so many things wrong with this comeback, I despair.But then, what do I expect from that Den of Dunces.