It is my very serious duty to announce a very important holiday that we should all be celebrating:
Today, on one of the last days of Pride Month, the eye-scratchingly awful hashtag #HeterosexualPrideDay has been trending top worldwide.
“Eye-scratchingly”? I’ll have you know this is a serious endeavour! Last year, I even mapped out the progress for worldwide heterosexual equality. This time I’d like to celebrate by making that progress explicit, comparing the two years side by side.
So, without further ado:
Dark Red: Execute people for engaging in heterosexuality.
Red: Criminalize heterosexual acts.
Orange: Subject heterosexuals to forced conversion counselling.
Blue: Prevent heterosexuals from marrying.
Green: Prevent heterosexuals from adopting.
White: Full heterosexual equality under the law.