Let’s hear it for Sister Morphine.

The photo I couldn’t upload on Wednesday.

Home. When you show up for your labs/oncology visit/chemo, this is something you don’t want to hear: “Your labs are terrible! There is no way in hell you’re getting chemo today! You need to be in hospital.” :Considers running away again: “I’m going to stop meeting you like this if you keep putting me in hospital.”

Yes, I was very dehydrated, severe diarrhea for 12 days will do that, and I am not a good fluid intake person. The main trouble was that my liver enzymes were through the roof. Uh oh. My oncologist pinned his hopes on a possible bile duct stone, as I’m lacking a gallbladder. I doubted this was so; outside the constipation/diarrhea combination, I had no abdominal pain. Turns out this was so, a scan showed everything normal in that area. So, if this is chemo induced, I get kicked out of the trial, and switched to ‘traditional chemo’. I didn’t want to just do that, and neither did my oncologist, because there could be a couple of other factors: my obviously over the top reaction to the miralax, and the acetaminophen in my regular pain meds, which was quite increased from normal dosage due to very increased pain.

The GI doc and a couple of others who came to visit on Wednesday kept asking me about acetaminophen, specifically Tylenol, like I swallowed half a bottle every day for a hobby or something. So for now, I’m not taking anything acetaminophen based, gone over to morphine, my liver count was trending down very quickly, and the diarrhea has finally slowed down, so next week I’ll do chemo infusion two, just the same, stay off the acetaminophen for the following two weeks, then we’ll see what the labs say. Hopefully, I’ll be able to stay in the trial. I think I’ll probably win ‘exasperating patient’ of the year.

What is clear is that I’ll have to do all the stuff right from the start, low fiber diet, lots and lots and lots of fluid intake. My ostomy end is still not working, so I’ll need to see my surgeon again, too. I’ll admit to being somewhat afraid of the latter, because if I hear ‘hospital’ again in the next week or two, I might start screaming. I hate being in hospital, but I will say, for someone who hates it as much as I do, the nurses are always happy to see me, because I’m not the miserable asshole with them or any other medical folk. I always engage with them, and turn my humour to ‘extra high’, and I never ever have cause to complain about my treatment.

On Wednesday, I didn’t have my MRI scan until evening. Pick up arrived around 6 pm or so, and when I wandered out to the hall, there was a large man, dressed all in black, bristling with gear, looked like a cop, which took me aback a bit. The gurney was black, with enough straps to please a mad insane asylum director. I looked at him, looked at the gurney, and said “I wish I’d known, I would have put on my super villain outfit.” So, I got a ride in an ambulance to the MRI center. My first time in one, kind of interesting, and a nice break from hospital boredom. I was happily drugged for this scan, so I was able to lie still without much pain.

Odd things: my veins, which have never been what you call cooperative (I’m a roller), seemed to go on full strike on Wednesday. In the morning, getting my labs done, the needle goes in, nothing. The needle gets moved about quite a bit, nothing. Took about 20, 25 seconds for blood to show up. We had a good laugh about that, because it was really fucking weird. Later, in hospital, it was one blown vein after another. Much much later, talking with my oncologist, he was annoyed my port wasn’t used. So, I enquired about that (I had completely forgotten about the port myself.) One of my nurses told me they stopped using ports, because when they used them for everything, labs and IV, the rate of infections went up, and they got all the blame for it. Naturally, they weren’t happy about that, so they just quit using them. Can’t blame them, I wouldn’t want to blamed for that either, especially when every precaution possible is taken.

Thursday was one very long day, into evening, of sit, wait, and try to deal with deadly boredom. I wasn’t released until late evening, and I had to fight a bit for that, so by the time we got home, it was very late, and I swallowed some morphine and collapsed. Still not feeling great, but I’d much rather feel lousy at home. Jayne gets seriously unglued when I go missing, so I had to spend some time with him; he thought I smelled funny. The rats were all “oh Great Rat, serving wench, you are home! Feed us all the good things!” Grace and Vala just stared at me, then the empty tea dish, glaring at my compleat nerve at not being around to make sure they had their tea and pastry.

So, things should get back to normal here, for at least a while. One lesson learned: even on a routine visit, toss the packed duffel bag in the car, along with the secondary computer, cords, all that crap…just in case. Normally, I’d just toss it all in the car and leave it, but we’re still in below zero temps here. That can’t go away soon enough.