Self-styled “prophet” Mark Taylor has a shiny, new prediction – dead and shaken former presidents.

Taylor said that when he saw all five former presidents gathered at an event to raise money for hurricane relief, he received a word from the Lord that “two will be taken, three will be shaken.”

Sounds like pills and a martini.

“They were doing this Hurricane Harvey relief effort,” Taylor said. “They were trying to raise money for Hurricane Harvey, but we all know that is a bunch of lies. These guys could care less about people, it’s about their agenda. They disguised it as a relief effort for Hurricane Harvey victims and they go in there and they trash Donald Trump.”

Oh no, they didn’t trash Donny, the Tiny Tyrant doesn’t need help in that department. These former presidents were appalled and dismayed by the compleat lack of action on the part of the Tiny Tyrant, so they did something, while also providing a nice example of how a president should act. They did raise money for Hurricane relief, that’s all easily verifiable from trustworthy sources.

“The Bible says, ‘Do not touch my anointed, but especially my prophets,’” he continued. “These guys have now touched God’s anointed, Donald Trump. They used it as a platform to go in there and attack.”

Now, now, they didn’t touch one hair on Donny’s head (who would want to?) and they didn’t attack. They didn’t even mention Donny. That their effort put Donny in a bad light, well, that’s on Donny, no one else. It’s not the fault of the former presidents that the Tiny Tyrant is a fucking idiot who doesn’t know how to handle the least thing, let alone a crisis.

Taylor said that God told him that because of their supposed attack on Trump, “the covenant that these five presidents have had with that entity called Baal—because Baal is the strongman over America—is going to be broken. And then He said, ‘Two of these ex-presidents will be taken and and three will be shaken.’”

Crispy Fried Christ, you’re still on about Ba’al. I’ve already covered just how bloody wrong you are on that one, Mr. Taylor. Predicting the death of two former presidents is a very cheap shot, Mr. Taylor. Isn’t Bush the Elder in his 90s now? He’s been in hospital recently, too. Carter is fairly old, too. At any rate, with the exception of Pres. Obama, most of the former presidents are of an age where dying isn’t exactly uncommon. Mostly, I think your prediction points to you being a shitty conman who couldn’t make ‘prophet’ under any circumstance.

“God is just going to take these guys home, period. He is going to remove them and it will be a sign for certain things,” said Taylor. “The other three will be shaken and I believe that two of them will run the risk of going to prison and the third one will also be shaken due to having to testify or legal issues or whatever the case may be. Now, I don’t know if all three of those will go to prison, but I believe there is a very good possibility that two out of the three could face jail time because of what they have done.”

Aaaaand your “prophesying” just gets worse. Even cold reading cons can do much better than this pile of vagueness and wishful thinking. Everyone is going to die at some point. There are people being shaken because of having to testify and legal issues – y’know, all the lying, nasty assholes who colluded with Russia to get the Tiny Tyrant elected. You have the wrong group, Mr. Taylor. You need to look closer to your political home, rather than attempting to point a minatory finger at former presidents who did a spot of good works. As one very creative person in Hawaii put on their sign: MAGA: Many Are Getting Arrested.

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