Dec 26 2012

It’s okay now

I conferred with my family at length today about whether to come out to my grandpa. It wasn’t encouraging. They told me there was no way they saw this ending well. They told me it would cause a rift. They told me I was putting them in a difficult position.

And yet everyone here told me it would be okay. You told me he’d probably guessed something was up already. You told me he might be more understanding than I expected.

So I told him. He understood, and he just wants me to be happy. He says he’ll always love me and be there for me. And that we’re a family.

It’s over. It’s done. We took care of this.

No more secrets, no more lies, no more fear.

Thank you.


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  1. 1

    That’s wonderful! I’m so glad for you!

    Congratulations on having the courage to come out to him, and yay for him being more understanding than expected.

  2. 2

    That was an amazing ending to an emotional story.Most people would go along with whatever their family says so as not to rock the boat and make waves.But you had the courage to disagree with them because you felt the need to share a part of your new life with another family member.It’s moving to think that some of us here in the comment section made you change your mind.Some of us down here in the comments section think that we’re special but we’re not,we are just a bunch of strangers on the internet.You don’t know who the hell we are,we could all be cult members,some of us could be serial killers or registered sex offenders with electronic monitoring devices on our ankles.I’m sorry if this offends anyone who reads this I suffer from a severe overactive imagination.

  3. 3

    Thank you, Zinnia, I’m so happy for you (and also for your grandfather, who also no longer has to wonder what to say and why you’re acting like you do when you’re around him).

    I’m also getting a lesson from this about not rejecting a family member just because of how you think they will react to something, even if you’ve convinced yourself of their “inevitable” reaction. I need to learn that lesson because there are issues in my life that I am sensitive about bringing up to the members of my family who are conservative Christians.

  4. 4
    William Brinkman

    I’m glad it worked out. :)

  5. 5


  6. 6

    Woohoo! Kudos to you for coming out, and so glad it worked out well.

  7. 7

    Lovely news ZJ- I am so happy for you. I generally don’t know people’s circumstances…but often, the family is just hoping their kids are comfortable enough to be themselves even if they are coming out. Most times – we know already.

    Sometimes it goes badly…but most times family welcomes the opportunity to express their unconditional love…

    Anyway…. wonderful news. I am genuinely happy for you!

  8. 8

    Ah,that warms my normally X-mas-loathing,Grinchy heart!

  9. 9

    Well, that is just plain awesome. I’m happy for you.

  10. 10
    Jacob Schmidt

    I’m glad it all worked out well. I’m sorry you had to go through it in the first place.

  11. 11

    Great news!

  12. 12
    Peter the Mediocre

    That’s great! I’m not surprised; my impression is that people old enough to have adult grandchildren are usually pretty tolerant, and that they love their grandchildren.

  13. 13
    Giliell, professional cynic -Ilk-

    I’m so glad you could tell him and it went well.
    I’m sorry your family was a bit less supporting than they should have been.

  14. 14
    Gnumann+, out&proud cultural marxist (just don't ask me about Gramsci)

    Yay! Good news! Your last post on this was so heart-breaking I couldn’t bring myself to comment (not being a very regular commenter and all), but I’ll join in the cheering.

  15. 15

    I’m so glad you followed your own wisdom! So happy for you!

  16. 16

    yeah, congrats on this, Z…
    not having family to come out to, i generally stay out of advice mode when it comes to stuff like this, but i have been following your posts on this issue for a while. in hindsight (always acurrate, isn’t it?), a couple things stand out for me.
    if grand dad has been watching a lotta daytime tv with grandma, like ellen and oprah, he probably already knew a bit more about trans stuff than most of your family thought he did … and of course, grandma (who already knew about you) might have laid a little groundwork in conversations about it, eh?
    what is it with middle age folks who think their older relatives are hidebound stick-in-the-muds and self absorbed, ignorant trolls? just because they can’t operate their android phones as quickly as the rest of us doesn’t mean they’re stupid?
    and … the desire of your folks to keep grandpa out of the loop shows more about their acceptance problem (despite what they say) than it does about grandpa’s.
    have a wonderful life, darlin’, with fewer and fewer bumps in the road as time goes on…

  17. 17

    Lurker, mostly, but so glad it worked out.

    There was one comment I wanted to leave on the last post and didn’t have time to:

    I think you *were* ‘home’ for Christmas!


  18. 18

    Excellent ZJ, although this proves you are not related to me.

  19. 19

    Good girl! That’s the best possible outcome I could think of. I’m so glad that you were able to stand up for who you are AND come out of it with a good relationship with your family. Everything going forward will be that much more positive and real for everyone, and you can’t hope for more than that.

  20. 20

    Yay! So happy for you!

  21. 21
    Eris Caffee

    Wonderful news!

  22. 22

    How touching, the support from here making a difference in a real life/lives. Y’all are smarter and braver than I, kinder and more optimistic. Well done.

  23. 23


    I’m so glad that worked out. It must have been horrible for you having to live a lie.

  24. 24

    De-lurking to say I’m happy for you and your family.

  25. 25

    Really glad it worked out well. :)

  26. 26
    Stacey C.

    Hooray! I’m so glad. I was so worried to tell my dad that I liked women and black men. But he totally said he just loved me and wanted me to be happy. It’s funny how people can hold such racist, conspiracy filed ideas but the second it snaps into reality and especially family they suddenly realize how silly it all is on the ground. At least the best of them. So glad your grandpa is among the best of them.

  27. 27

    Well done Grandpa!

    Great news!

  28. 28
    Abdul Alhazred

    Wonderful news.

  29. 29
    Psychopomp Gecko

    Hurrah! Huzzah! Huotherlettersah!

  30. 30
    Ma Nonny

    It looks like your family underestimated your grandpa, eh? This is wonderful – one less part of your life giving you grief over you just wanting to be yourself! It’s always nice to hear stories where things went well! Now you can have a truly open and full relationship with your family. Huzzah! Gives the rest of us some hope.

  31. 31

    My grandfather came out to me when he was 85 and I was 17. He had never told anyone. My mom (and siblings) were cool with it, as she was when I came out to her at 12.
    My dad, with whom I lived, disowned me. He wouldn’t speak to me for years, but we did eventualy reconcile. He even *proudly* kept a scrap book of my queer activism press clippings.
    The point, of course, is that we can’t know how things will turn out. In the end, we must balance what we need and what consequences we can live with.
    I’m delighted this turned out well for you. If you’re anything in real life as you are on the Web, I think any parent, or grand parent, would be proud to claim you.

  32. 32

    I’m happy for you, Zinnia.

  33. 33

    I am so glad the story got so much better. I considered your previous story to be a cheerful tale for Christmas. This cherry on the top is a wonderful way to end it, and the beginning of a new tale.

  34. 34
    Joey Maloney Who Is Unable To Login For Some Obscure Reason

    Lurker, almost entirely, but I’m glad this worked out for you.

  35. 35
    Katrin Schwarz

    That’s awesome. Clap clap clap.

  36. 36
    Miri, Professional Fun-Ruiner

    This is so wonderful. Congratulations. :)

  1. 37
    Post-Christmas Cheer – The Stray World

    [...] Update: Glad to say her story gets an amaz­ing epi­logue. [...]

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