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Apr 16 2014

Because God hates Rock & Roll

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Metal

God hates rock-n-roll, just ask anyone over the age of 80 who lives in the great state of delusion. Proof? S/He has smited the great AC/DC … after more than 40 years of rocking:

Link — AC/DC are ending their 41 year career on a terribly sad note. Plans were underway for a new studio album, their first since 2008′s monumental Black Ice, and a ’40th Anniversary’ world tour, 40 huge shows across the globe. More than a month ago, founding member, rhythm guitarist, co-producer and co-songwriter Malcolm Young had a stroke, which left a blood clot on his brain.
When AC/DC reunited at the start of April to begin a month of rehearsals, in the lead-up to new album recording sessions, Malcolm discovered he couldn’t play. At least, he couldn’t play like he used to play. Nothing has been officially confirmed, as of this writing, but friends and family members have been discussing what happned to Malcolm for the past couple of weeks. The blood clot, resulting from the stroke, is believed to be why Malcolm couldn’t keep working. Although friends have described Malcolm’s condition as serious, it doesn’t mean he won’t recover. People do get better after strokes, and people do recover lost skills.

An official announcement is expected today. But reports have since filtered in that Young’s condition is progressive, there are rumors he’s having serious memories problems. Kinda late there, Lord, the Satanic damage has pretty much been wrought. And one has to question the effectiveness of smiting by the same natural causes afflicting millions of people every year. Wouldn’t break-up by divine boils or death by holy locust be a far clearer demonstration of His mighty Wrath?

I think anyone who thinks God hates rock and roll has it backwards, S/He clearly loves the hard stuff! Geez, Keith Richards and David Bowie are still walking the Earth and stalking souls? The fact that so many of these aging rockers are still able to feed themselves, much less alive, after years of sex, drugs and rock and roll ought to be a Papal sanctified miracle in itself. Nevertheless, with AC/DC’s likely demise a little more of our youth fades away. Is that better than burning out?

10 comments

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  1. 1
    Matt G

    Dave Davies had a stroke a few years back, and Ray was shot in New Orleans a few years before that. They are both still rockin’. God sure doesn’t smite like He used to….

  2. 2
    Holms

    Yeah but on the other hand, god sure smote Buddy Holly quickly; a mere 18 months of deliberation before dropping the hammer (disguised as a pilot error). And who knows how many more talented musicians evil corrupters of souls were killed by childhood accident Infectious illness cancer pregnancy complication divine preemptive strike before we even knew they existed?

  3. 3
    marcus

    But the more important question is: Who dressed the fucking idiot with the “God Hates Metal Music” signboard? Expecting another global flood perhaps?

  4. 4
    Todd Heath

    Apparently god loves Black Sabbath. Not only are all the original members alive, they even had a number one album of new material in 2013.

    God must have hated Rich Mullins and Keith Green. He smote them in the prime of their contemporary christian music carers.

  5. 5
    magistramarla

    Marcus,
    LOL – That is exactly what I was thinking. The idiot looks like he’s been eating at Chik-fil-e too often and certainly doesn’t take care of himself or know how to dress. The handsome young rock and roll supporter looks fit and healthy. What does that say about the intelligence of those two men?

  6. 6
    forestdragon

    If there is a god, I think the fact that the Dark Prince of Metal Ozzy Ozbourne is still alive after all the booze he drank and drugs he took should be proof that god likes metal and the Westboro Wannabe doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.

  7. 7
    Marcus Ranum

    According to Stevie Ray god apparently hates the blues, too.
    And isn’t to keen on jazz. What a nekulturny asshole.

  8. 8
    naturalcynic

    @6: Maybe but [s]he still smote his daughter Kelly with purple hair!!11!!

  9. 9
  10. 10
    forestdragon

    Another amusing anecdote on the Dark Prince of Metal – apparently Ozzy appeared in a movie as a rabid evangelical preacher holding forth on the Satanic Ebil Heavy Metal Music. Makes me wonder how he did it without laughing – I imagine lots of takes.

    “Goddammit, Osbourne! Can’t you keep a straight face for five fucking minutes?!”

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