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Sep 05 2013

You know who really gassed the Sryians?

I’ll give you a hint who the right thinks really gassed the Syrians. It’s tall and black and rhymes with Llama:

MotherJones — In summary: the Syrian opposition carried out the chemical attack, and they did it with the foreknowledge of the United States. Or maybe even worse: perhaps the United States actively coordinated the whole thing. As one eager Dittohead put it, “RUSH LIMBAUGH SAYS ADOLF OBAMA BEHIND NERVE GASSING OF SYRIANS!!!” That’s an exaggeration, of course. Rush is just saying it’s “a very possible scenario.” Like Hillary Clinton’s murder of Vince Foster. This story hasn’t produced a flashing red siren from Drudge yet, so I suppose it doesn’t quite count as the fever swamp’s latest pet theory. But I imagine that’s coming soon.

In related news, my right-wing haven’t yet gone all in and agreed Obama did this. But they have developed a consensus on how to judge the voting ahead on a military strike against Assad. It goes something like this: if a Democrat was right about Iraq by voting against it, then they’re wrong if they vote to attack Syria. But if a Republican was wrong about Iraq and they vote against attacking Assad, that’s evidence they are right about Syria.

Or a similar version, if a Democrat correctly voted against invading Iraq, they’re not allowed to vote to attack any country ever again in any way, for any reason …?

You can’t make this stuff up.

15 comments

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  1. 1
    Reginald Selkirk

    It was the butler.

  2. 2
    Randomfactor

    Srysly?

  3. 3
    Hermit Ladee

    The right wing’s “truth” is always stranger than fiction. All I can think of right now, after reading this, is the meme “I don’t want to live on this planet anymore” .

  4. 4
    bahrfeldt

    Taco Bell. They’re are not good at all at making hummus.

  5. 5
    Marcus Ranum

    Rebbeca Watson doesn’t rhyme with “Lama”?!

  6. 6
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Yo mama?

  7. 7
    markr1957

    I don’t see how either David Cameron or Vince Cable rhymes with llama.

    http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/revealed-uk-government-let-british-company-export-nerve-gas-chemicals-to-syria-8793642.html

  8. 8
    grumpyoldfart

    Not one person has believed a single conspiracy theory invented by Americans during the last five years. Even the dumbest hillbilly knows the art form has become a parody of itself.

  9. 9
    lorn

    According to one poll of Republicans 29% thought that Obama was to blame for bungling the recovery effort after Katrina.

    Evidently, even as a junior senator, Obama had powerful mojo. Mojo so diabolical and powerful that neither W, nor any other major GOP leader, could avoid the brainwashing long enough to do the right thing, even though they so clearly wanted to.

  10. 10
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    lorn:

    Yeah, and I still find Democrat/liberal folks who think that Iraqis “attacked the US”. It’s all kinds of fucked-up out there.

  11. 11
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Satire.

    Please tell me its really satire.

    Seriously, no one could be that stupid could they?

  12. 12
    bushrat

    Ohh God, it’s true, my Mama did it. She was pissed when that swarthy fellow told her the knife he sold her was real Damascan steel. She was so angry when she found out it wasn’t. For months now she’s been wandering around muttering “They’ll pay, they’ll all pay.”

  13. 13
    shripathikamath

    Wasn’t Osama killed in Pakistan last year?

  14. 14
    Rip Steakface

    Funny, my dad and I were recently bullshitting about how it’s plausible that Syria indirectly got chemical weapons from the US – as in, they got some of the Iranian or Iraqi chemical weapons we gave them in the 80s. But this would put a Republican at fault, and we can’t have that, no sir-ee.

  15. 15
    David Marjanović

    Rebbeca Watson doesn’t rhyme with “Lama”?!

    Thread won.

    Satire.

    Please tell me its really satire.

    Seriously, no one could be that stupid could they?

    Dude, there’s seriously a lot you still have to learn about this world.

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