Jun 28 2013

Fall to your knees … and pray the gay away again


All ye good and true Americans, heed the command of Tony Perkins and his small government ideology — except when the government is in the bedroom enforcing modern-day Puritism. Hark, though the SCOTUS decision does not force states to recognize gay marriage, and Perkins tries to celebrate this crushing defeat divine victory, we still must pray what remains of the gay away — because nothing fails quite like prayer thus assuring Cleric Perkins an unending supply of outrage. Which he has quite the proven facility for turning into money:

FRC — Attempts to join two men or two women in “marriage” constitute a radical redefinition and falsification of the institution, and FRC supports state and federal constitutional amendments to prevent such redefinition by courts or legislatures. Sympathy must be extended to those who struggle with unwanted same-sex attractions, and every effort should be made to assist such persons to overcome those attractions, as many already have.

And if the preferred logo above carries an unintended double entendre causing widespread hysterical laughter in progressive communities across this nation, so be it. Brothers and sisters, notice instead the hip use of the numeral “two” in the logo and rest assured your hard earned contributions have not gone to waste! Many dollars have been spent on this rebranding, sure to carry Republican Jesus’s message of intolerance on the wings of seraphim to throngs of stylish Internet savvy millennials throughout this great Christian Nation. Are you in?


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  1. 1
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    Fall to your knees … and pray the gay away again*

    Nah, stuff that. I’d rather not hurt my knees by falling on them and I’d rather embrace the gay as part of Humaniity and people like me instead of acting like some homophobic bigoted douche.

    *Also never done that in the first place and wouldn’t recommend it. People are people, love is love.

  2. 2
    Scr... Archivist

    …to throngs of stylish Internet savvy millennials throughout this great Christian Nation.

    This is a good point, especially considering that among all current generations, the Millennials are most likely to support marriage equality. The Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life released this chart just a few weeks ago: http://features.pewforum.org/same-sex-marriage-attitudes/slide2.php

    Millennials are at 66% support now, nearly twice the rate of the least-supportive generation, the Silent. (But I wonder why they didn’t include the GI Generation. Maybe there aren’t enough of them left to poll?)

  3. 3

    1. The logo — hysterically funny. I quite literally did a “spit take”.

    2. The “event”? I think the proper response from the atheist community is to encourage them. In fact, I think this should be a once-and-for-all final demonstration of the power of prayer. Millions upon millions upon millions of Christians praying. … And nothing happening.

    If their god can’t pray teh gey away on the 30th, I think they need to admit their god is either powerless, or likes teh gey, or nonexistent. Those are the only 3 choices I see open to them.

    Yes, I say “bring it on, prayer warriors”.

  4. 4

    They can’t even be original. President Obama’s campaign had the “I’m in” logo.
    The President should sue Perkins – ha, ha!

  5. 5
    Zinc Avenger (Sarcasm Tags 3.0 Compliant)

    Nooooo! Not… PRAYER! Curse you Perkins, our one weakness. Every time they mount a prayer assault I am utterly, helplessly, incapacitated… By laughter.

  6. 6

    I like to think of Jon Stewart’s response when it comes to curing people of the gay (paraphrased):

    “Remember when your Dad caught you smoking a cigarette, and so as punishment, he took you out in the backyard and made you smoke a whole pack? I think they may have be using the same philosophy.”

  7. 7

    Yeah America, the Christian want you to get on your knees to help the gays…? Wait, What???

  8. 8

    Is it just me?

    Look at the orb-shaped figure in which the 2 is imposed. Doesn’t it look like a sorta moon or planet sorta looking back with a downturned (appalled) mouth at the kneeling figure?

    I can’t see the “2″ anymore. pH

  9. 9

    And just in time for Knee Day the 9th Circuit accelerated the Prop 8 decision. Effective…NOW.

  10. 10
    theophontes (恶六六六缓步动物)

    An improvement of their advert: Link here.

  11. 11

    Oh, you got to visit the Facebook page. It’s a RIOT!

    Then you can visit Wonkette

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