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Apr 02 2013

Pat Robertson knows why there’s no miracles any more

I’ve said and it it’s hardly an original thought: it would be a lot easier to believe in any god if said god would hang out more with the common man under controlled conditions and do godly stuff that only gods can do. But Pat Robertson knows why his god doesn’t do that anymore, at least in modern nations under carefully controlled conditions:

TPM — Why do miracles “happen with great frequency in Africa, and not here in the USA?” asked a 700 Club patron Ken. “People overseas didn’t go to Ivy League schools,” Robertson replied with a chuckle. “We are so sophisticated, we think we’ve got everything figured out,” the Christian Broadcasting Network chairman continued. “We know about evolution, we know about Darwin, we know about all these things that says God isn’t real, we know about all this stuff.”

According to Robertson, it’s the “skepticism and secularism” that is being taught at “the most advanced schools” around the country that is keeping God’s miracles at bay.

Meanwhile, Africans are “simple” and “humble.” “You tell ‘em God loves ‘em and they say, ‘Okay, he loves me’,” said Robertson. “You say God will do miracles and they say, ‘Okay, we believe him’.” If Americans wish to experience more miracle, Robertson concluded, they must reject their miracle-negating sophistication in favor of the more credulous African way of life.

 

Be more humble you pompous pricks! Toil in Pat’s diamond mine, burn witches alive, and kill teh gays! And God will appear and do a really cool card trick.

15 comments

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  1. 1
    badgersdaughter

    Hasa diga eebowai.

  2. 2
    busterggi

    That’s odd, I’m always hearing believers credit god with miracles everytime medical treatment cures someone in their family or technology enables them to do something they couldn’t do naturally.

    In fact, I’m pretty sure Pat hisself has proclaimed a miracle or two in his time.

  3. 3
    timberwoof

    Well, what he says there is true: skeptical, educated, rational people are less likely to experience miracles. Ignorance is bless. Edjamacation is bad cause it wards of the Lawd.

    How often do would-be god-creditors sue their doctors for malpractice when something goes awry?

  4. 4
    mikeyb

    The bigger miracle is why everyone hasn’t figured out what a tax-free money racket Pat has been running all these years to build a pretty nice fortune.

  5. 5
    thisisaturingtest

    According to Robertson, it’s the “skepticism and secularism” that is being taught at “the most advanced schools” around the country that is keeping God’s miracles at bay.

    It’s not much of a miracle if all it takes to keep it at bay is educated disbelief, is it?

  6. 6
    Alareth

    The Skeptic is the most powerful being in the Universe.

    His mere existence can prevent even God from performing magic.

  7. 7
    hexidecima

    hmmm, so this god is a vain pretentious asshole that gets its feelings hurt and thus doesn’t do miracles like oh, heal amputees.

    Good one, Patty. Good one.

  8. 8
    Hermit Ladee

    Just a couple weeks ago someone left a not so nice comment on my blog saying among other things that atheists think they are more intelligent than theists. Well, look who has confirmed that. Pat Robertson himself!

  9. 9
    erinmcc

    maybe he should lay off the miracles in africa and instead start, oh i dunno, feeding them? providing fresh, clean water? what kind of supreme being gives people miracles but not basic sustenance? i’ll forgo the miracles, thanks.

  10. 10
    eucliwood

    What miracles are happening in Africa? They appear severely neglected by any god. “Believe in me for no reason, and I’ll hand out miracles every now and then”

  11. 11
    Holms

    God either loves opressive governments and worker exploitation, or liberal values and science somehow negate or at least reduce his sway over reality. So, he is either a fuckhead happy to forsake entire nations (with the added bonus of letting eternal incineration), or is not omnipotent.

    Your move, Pat.

  12. 12
    marcus

    Pat Robertson = asshole of the universe.

  13. 13
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    Weird. Some of the best miracles in Africa are entirely human-generated, and involve the building of schools. WTF is up with that?

  14. 14
    jnorris

    IIRC, in one edition of Mr Robertson’s auto-biography, he claimed to have prayed away a hurricane from Virginia. A miracle. Those days are gone and Powerless Pat leaves Virginia exposed to the ravishes of nature.

  15. 15
    davidct

    It sounds the same as when psychics claim that their powers are negated by the negative thoughts of skeptics. It is known as the special pleading logical fallacy. One of many needed for any religious argument. Anything to avoid the more obvious conclusion that god does not show because it is imaginary.

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