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Feb 11 2013

Surprising move by Pope

In a move the surprised many Catholics, Pope Benedict XVI announced his eminent resignation, Feb 28, 2013, just eight years after first donning the Golden Hat of Xenu:

NYT — After examining his conscience “before God,” he said in a statement that reverberated around the world on the Internet and on social media, “I have come to the certainty that my strengths, due to an advanced age, are no longer suited to an adequate exercise” of his position as head of the world’s one billion Roman Catholics.

A profoundly conservative figure whose papacy was overshadowed by clerical abuse scandals, Benedict, 85, was elected by fellow cardinals in 2005 after the death of John Paul II.

The Rev. Federico Lombardi, the Vatican spokesman, said that the pope would continue to carry out his duties until Feb. 28 and that a successor could be elected by Easter, which falls on March 31. But, he added, the timing for an election of a new pope is “not an announcement, it’s a hypothesis.”

20 comments

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  1. 1
    jnorris

    Resignation beats drinking poisoned tea. Speaking of which, is the House of Borgia still around? Do they have any cardinals in the current crop? The RCC could use a good old fashion real Renaissance Emperor Pope

  2. 2
    Gregory in Seattle

    Maladict wants to hand-pick his successor, to guarantee that his regressive policies remain in place and that the pedophile protection ring is not called to account.

    On the upside, now is our opportunity to verify the accuracy of the Prophesy of the Popes: the only entry after Maladict’s is:

    Peter the Roman, who will nourish the sheep in many tribulations; when they are finished, the city of seven hills will be destroyed, and the dreadful judge will judge his people. The end.”

  3. 3
    Gregory in Seattle

    @jnorris #1 – The House of Borgia intermarried and largely merged with the Hapsburgs in the 17th century, largely ceasing to exist as a noble house. There is one patrilineal line remaining, a cadet house with a techically legitimate claim as Duke of Gandía. From what I can find, the family fled Spain after the country was conquered by Napoleon and ended up in the New World. The current head of that house is Rodrigo Borja Cevallos, former president of Ecuador.

  4. 4
    Marcus Ranum

    I know this is weird, but because I’m midway through my first cup of coffee for the day I flashed “surprising move by the pope!” into a wrestling announcer’s voice-over:
    “Surprise move by the pope, he’s gone UNDER the challenger’s guard and has him by the ankle! Body-slam! OOOOH! The pope’s got him down for the count, but he broke free! The pope’s still working on that weak left knee of his, this is some of the best vatican action we’ve had in years!”

  5. 5
    unbound

    Usually they stick around until they die. Supposedly this is only the 5th pope to resign (out of 265 popes to date).

    I would agree with Gregory in Seattle…he likely wants to make sure the rampant rape issues remain covered up after he passes away.

  6. 6
    Gregory in Seattle

    @Marcus Ranum #4 – Something like this?

  7. 7
    Gregory in Seattle

    @unbound #5 – The Seattle Times published a handy list of precedents.

  8. 8
    Didaktylos

    All of this raises an inteesting question: what are they actually going to do with old reprobate? The Vatican doesn’t have any sort of pension plan for Popes.

  9. 9
    Reginald Selkirk

    Pope gives up papacy for Lent

  10. 10
    anubisprime

    Didaktylos @ 8

    The Vatican doesn’t have any sort of pension plan for Popes.The Vatican doesn’t have any sort of pension plan for Popes.

    He will be given private quarters in the Vatican…they cannot take the chance that he gets picked up for loitering with intent at an infant school!
    Besides it makes it a tad harder to bust his ex-papal ass for conspiracy to pervert the the course of justice.

  11. 11
    TGAP Dad

    I want to see just one headline on this story read:

    Ex-Nazi Child Molestation Conspirator Resigns In Disgrace Due To “Advanced Age”

  12. 12
    unbound

    @Gregory in Seattle – Interesting information. Thanx.

    Kind of wonder if this is related to the November release of Mea Maxima Culpa…

  13. 13
    F [i'm not here, i'm gone]

    @ Marcus Ranum

    My first thought was: He moves? I liked your version better.

    I can’t wait to see the reaction of the laity and how the Church uses this little tool. I can almost see it claiming “case closed” on all matters involving child molestation and abuse, as If the Powp hung himself on a cross and redeemed the Church of its sins.

  14. 14
    cottonnero

    I’m impressed. From the organization that invented the sinecure, the sinecuriest position of all: Pope Emeritus.

  15. 15
    scenario

    My guess is he has alzheimer’s disease. The pope can’t just disappear for a few years until he dies anymore. He’s got to get out in front of the camera or everyone would forget about him. A pope who is losing his cognitive abilities might say something in front of the camera to incriminate himself and damage the church.

  16. 16
    Woof

    Headline of the day: “Pope Pulls a Palin”.

  17. 17
    Kevin

    According to NPR, he was resigning for “health reasons”.

    And the only thing I could think of was “I hope whatever he has is constantly painful and debilitating. A week (or more) of unrelenting misery for every child’s tear shed at the hands of one of his employees.”

    Does that make me a bad person?

  18. 18
    Crudely Wrott

    So, who’s next? A cardinal that wears Nikes instead of Pradas?
    If so, will he play decent defense?
    Basketball fans around the world are holding their breath.

  19. 19
    lordshipmayhem

    Now he’s going to be an Ex-Benedict.

    And I’m suddenly hungry.

  20. 20
    StevoR : Free West Papua, free Tibet, let the Chagossians return!

    @ ^ lordshipmayhem : Aaannnnd thread won.

    @ 16. Woof :

    Headline of the day: “Pope Pulls a Palin”.

    Ewww! Now there’s an image I really didn’t want in my head! Thanks all the same.

    @ 17. Kevin :

    According to NPR, he was resigning for “health reasons”. And the only thing I could think of was “I hope whatever he has is constantly painful and debilitating. A week (or more) of unrelenting misery for every child’s tear shed at the hands of one of his employees.” Does that make me a bad person?

    Nope. Not in my book. Feel just the same way really.

    Also wondering if there’s a lot more to it than just health that we’re gonna find out one day. Hopefully sooner rather than later and in time for some sort of justice to be done but sadly wouldn’t bet on the latter.

    Also raises the question – in what other job is it considered acceptable to work an elderly person to death? What other jobs have no retirement age?

    Time this silly papassy anachronism was ended. Overdue really.

    What century are we humans* supposedly living in again**?

    * Well most** of us anyhow?

    ** Some at least? (yegods, they’re still burning witches in New Guinea and believing in demon-infestedif democratically elected Presidents in some lands eg. the US of A! Say whaa .. )

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