It’s my Birthday, It’s my Birthday and I’m gonna shake my bodyyyy!!

The journey started 13.8 billion years ago with the Big Bang and continued 4.5 billion years ago with the Solar system and the Earth.  39 years ago, I swam for my life, beating millions of other sperms to the race to the egg. 39 years after, the race continues. However, I am happy to even have the one in a billion chance to experience the wonder that is life.

I am also loving all the good wishes coming my way from family members, friends and fans.

Even Google took time to send me birthday greetings in the form of a lovely personalised doodle. Yeah, I know they probably do this for everyone [Read more...]

Love Not Hate: International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia.

To celebrate International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia, enjoy this video of the ‘Love Not Hate’ protest rally organised by Nigerian LGBTs in Diaspora Against Anti Same Sex Laws. Together We Can End All Forms of Oppression and Discrimination. Happy IDAHOBIT. 

Resurrection: The Sunnyside Up!

The scripture says when the last trumpet blows, Jesus would come back and his beloveths would rise up. Eek, I keep seeing images (2)zombies, not funny. This event would officially be the Zombie apocalypse. The dead would resurrect and those that are not dead would float away into heaven, they call it ascending, I call it levitation magic at its best! The scripture also says that the beloveths would no longer be flesh but spirits. One little detail, if they are no longer flesh but spirits, how are they gonna recognize themselves? I imagine that conversation amongst my resurrected Naija brethrens would go thus:

Oh bro, you too make am to heaven?”

Yes o sis, na so I see am o! By fire by thunder, I held tight to angel Michael’s robe and got a free ride to heaven. Naija no dey carry last, no dulling!” [Read more...]

My New Year Resolution

I am not one for New Year resolutions, but I do believe in learning from the lessons of the previous year to make the New Year a better year. 481866_543604339002200_820756368_n

They say if life serves you lemons, make lemonades. Well, while I appreciate this point of view, I think in 2013, I tried to apply it to something that it really should not apply to; Friends.

If life serves you lemons as friends, if you don’t like lemons, do not attempt to make lemonades of these friends. It never works out. If you don’t like lemons, stay the heck away from lemons. If they jump on your laps, put them in their place, locked in the cupboard or better still, bin them.

The truth is, I am very allergic to ignorance, especially homophobic, superstitious ignorance. I also hate hypocrisy with a passion. Therefore when people I care about exhibit such traits, I have this piercing feeling in my heart and a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Unfortunately, 2013 brought too much of these ‘piercing and sinking’ feeling, caused by people I care about.  Willful ignorance makes me want to vomit and hypocrisy painfully pierces my heart. [Read more...]

Getting High on Flying Spaghetti Monster!

I am not a fan of cold weathers and I can be quite grumpy when forced to go out in cold weathers. I am also not a fan of bulky clothes and I certainly am not in my best moods when I 531624_449896628413934_244946797_nam all covered up and weighed down by shapeless, bulky winter jackets. Although they do hide my accumulated holiday fat caused by gorging on holiday temptations like ice creams and cakes, urged on by tempting Xmas food commercials.

Anyway, there I was rushing out in the cold weather to make a trip to my pharmacy; I guess this constitutes an emergency and therefore justifies my having to leave the warmth of my bed. Anyway, there I was walking down the high street minding my own damn business when a black woman abruptly thrust a leaflet at me, muttering “Take, Jesus Christ will change your life forever”. I politely declined and walked on. What I really wanted to say to her was “So, in the usual bigoted religious assumption, you thought my life needed changing”. I guess that would be an overreaction. Damn proselytizer Christians!

Not that my life could not do with a bit of change. Well, for one, I would love to win the lottery even though I don’t buy lottery tickets. I wish I could overcome my skepticism about my chances of winning the lottery. Well,  if Jesus has not changed the life of the Christian proselytizer with a lottery win, I don’t think he is in a position to make a dent in my life. Hmm…life changer my ass.  Well, I did say my mood is not the best during winter.

OK, there I was at the bus stop with my bag of prescription, waiting for my bus and minding my own business as usual, when this woman with a pram just came and stood right in front of me, blocking my vision. She started cooing or was it scolding the tot in the pram. In a typical Nigerian way,  she would, once in a while, look up from scolding the child and try to engage me and the others at the bus stop in her cooing/scolding. We all ignored her. It was after all a very cold day, so I gave her a very cold look.

She eventually stopped cooing and when I thought I was finally going to have peace, she burst out singing a very old but popular gospel tune. In fact it took me by surprise because I have not heard that tune in a long time. It used to be a special tune for me when I was a believer. I sang it whenever I wanted to go into a trance and be at one with the Holy Spirit. I sang it in a dramatic way, with all the treats including theatrical tears, which come to think of it, must have looked like a painful sexual mating with the Holy Spirit!

The tune was the popular- 

Lord I lift Your name on high
Lord I love to sing Your praises

I’m so glad You’re in my life

I’m so glad You came to save us 

You came from Heaven to earth

To show the way

From the earth to the cross
My debt to pay

From the cross to the grave  
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift Your name on high 

I was so surprised that I actually found myself nodding to the song. As I said,  it used to be my ‘get high on holy ghost’ song. Just as I was getting into the mood, my bus pulled up.  I was still miming the song when I realized I had brought out the wrong bus pass, which means I got charged for the bus fare when I could have used a free bus pass. Talk about paying debts that I didn’t owe, damn fucking Jesus Christ!  OK, that got me annoyed, as if I was not annoyed enough already, but it did not stop the song from stubbornly playing in my head. 5eff246e7ac4ba2c7785bed9d0214848

Well, I really was once very much into the song, it got me high. As we know, religion really is the opium of the masses. Some prefer to get high on cannabis, marijuana or cocaine while many get high on religion. The song was my dose for getting high when I needed to speak in tongues and mate with the Holy Spirit.

Funny enough, as I mused about the extra charge on my oyster and the unnecessary debt I paid all due to the distraction of that once beloved tune, the song started playing in my head as a tribute to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Below are the lyrics and BTW, here is a video of me getting high on his holy noodleness, Flying Spaghetti Monster. I guess I would rather get high on skepticism, logic and facts than get high on delusions, but I don’t mind getting high on Pasta in praise of his holy noodleness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Happy Holidays! 

 Tribute To Flying Spaghetti Monster 380602_4170850911488_21843259_n

Flying Spaghetti Monster
How I love to eat your pasta
I am so glad you came to boil for me

I am so glad you wrap me in noodles

You came from heaven to earth
To boil for my sins
From the pot to my plate
My hunger to quench
With sauce and pasta
You fed me with love

Flying Spaghetti Monster 

R’Amen!

Spending Xmas alone but gladly not lonely!

I am alone but not lonely this Xmas. My son is off somewhere in US enjoying Xmas in the snow and my family members in UK are 380602_4170850911488_21843259_ncelebrating in Manchester. Even though I have invites to join in the sometimes forced Xmas hilarity, I chose to spend the day alone. NOPE, it is not because I am an atheist  and BTW, choosing to spend Christmas day alone does not make me anti-social.

Spending the day with my feet up is kinda fun, cos I get to indulge on all the cakes and ice-creams without anyone ‘judging’ me. Plus I get to catch up on my writings, check my accumulated dating sites messages and watch my favorite Xmas movies including ‘Home Alone’ for the 100th time!

 It is OK to be alone on Xmas; it is even OK to feel lonely on Xmas. A lot has been invested by big companies into making the day seems like one endless day of family fun for everyone. What with the big Christmas adverts consisting mostly of big family dinners and of course gifts under the Xmas trees. And oh, damn if you are not in love on Xmas day, what with all the mistletoe hanging everywhere, you should at least be kissed on Xmas day. lol!

 If you are not off partying, opening presents under the Xmas trees or getting swept off your feet under the mistletoe, don’t be disappointed, you aren’t alone. In fact, welcome to the reality of many!

Xmas does not stop being like every other day just because of the Christmas trees, bright lights and gifts. People still receive bad news 12564_10151385279356873_843091362_nduring Christmas period, people still lose loved ones, there are grieving mothers and grieving fathers, grieving children, grieving lovers and worst of all, there are starving children on Xmas day.

 Not everyone will have a happy holiday, so  for those who are grieving this festive period,  I wish you all the fortitude to bear your loss and a very splendid support system with people that won’t judge you, will hold your hands, listen to you moan and offer you tissues to wipe your tears.

We all cannot be merry this Xmas, please do not feel forced to join in the hilarity if you do not feel up to it. Be strong. Pain and pleasures are life’s twin fountains, with our pains; we appreciate more our pleasures when it comes.

Happy Holidays to everyone who is up for it and don’t forget to put a smile on someone’s face today!

BTW, I just got the opportunity to video Skype with my 19 year old son, who for the first time isn’t spending Christmas with me. I noticed he was enjoying a plate of fried rice with berries. Berries, I mean berries? Where the heck is the chicken? If he was with me now, he would have his face stuffed with a whole big nicely barbecued chicken! Who eats berries on Xmas! tag4

Anyway, I asked why he did not take his bath and dress up for Xmas before eating especially since it is Christmas day. He replied:

 “Mum, it is just around 10:00am here, I don’t even dress up for my own birthday, why should I do so on Christmas!”

 Needless to say, that made my day. :)

 Here is wishing you all Happy Holidays!