Celebrate Bisexual Visibility Day; Be BiVisible and BiFabulous!

September 23rd is Bisexuality Day, also known as Bi Visibility Day.  It’s Bi Visibility day today, I guess it is that one time of the year where I have to stop being so magically invisible and show myself in all my Unicorn glory; as a Bisexual!

Being Visible does come with its price, for example, I have to pay for things I bought in the stores today, cos well, I’m visible today. I have to bring out my oyster travel card and pay for bus, tubes and tram rides, like every other visible person cos I can’t ride for free today.  I get to be a visible B within the LGBT rainbow community today and I’d say, it’s worth it.

I know I am happy the LGBT community would at least recognise my existence today, it isn’t fun being that invisible B within the LGBT rainbow family all year long!

It sure does hurt when your own family fails to recognise you exist.  For example, a few days after marching and partying it up at the London Pride in Soho, I was at a swanky Sexual health clinic in Soho for my annual Sexual health check.  The place came highly recommended by an impressed friend I met at London Pride who was going on about how nice, easy and smooth the Sexual Health clinic in Soho was, so I decided to do my annual check there.

Well, we all know Soho is the gay headquarter of London, as a member of the LGBT family, the LGBT flag conspicuously on display makes one feel at home in Soho. I was feeling pretty much at home as I completed my questionnaire on the nice computer screen, and listened in awe as the computer generated voice gave me instructions on how to provide my test samples. I watched in fascination as the tube sucked in and beamed my samples to destination test laboratory. Hmm, Nice technology, I thought.

After filling my details on the computer screen and giving my samples to a tube sucking device, then came the dealing with human being part. However, it was not long before the humans burst my bubble. I was ushered in to see a health adviser, he was a young, friendly enough chap who wanted to ask me a few routine questions. I was feeling at home.  He asked if I was gay and I said No. Then he immediately proceeded to say to me-

“What we normally tell heterosexual people who visit this clinic is…”

WTf! When did I say I was heterosexual? Why this assumption?  At that point I had to cut him short.

“I am not heterosexual”,  I said.

But you said you are not gay.”,  he asked, somewhat confused.

“Yes, I am not Gay, but that does not make me heterosexual. I am bisexual.”  I explained as calmly as I could, even though it was all I could do to stop myself spitting unicorn fire at him for daring to assume my sexuality and erasing bisexuality in a Sexual Health clinic operating in Soho.

Even with the welcoming rainbow flag in the heart of the LGBT community in London, I still have to remind a sexual health practitioner that Bisexuals exist. I had to let him know that not identifying as gay does not automatically mean I am heterosexual. It hurts.

This invisibility hurts. This non acknowledgement of my existence within my own community hurts. Just a few days ago before sitting in that office across this health practitioner, I was marching in the London Pride Parade on these same streets and partying it up all night with my rainbow family on this same street that this Sexual Health Clinic that flies the LGBT Rainbow flag, operates from. However, I had to remind this sexual health adviser that everyone who visits this sexual health clinic in the very heart of Soho is not either gay or straight. There is that B, you know, the silenced B. That Big B in the LGBT Family. The B actually stands for something. It does not stand for Bitch or Bullshit or Badass (Maybe it does stand for Badass sometimes), but it surely does stand for Bisexual.  Yes, Bisexuals! We exist. We surely can’t be so invisible that we have to explain that we exist all the time even in LGBT Soho?

Yes, that minor incident irritated me because it was a reminder that as a bisexual I am still invisible and not recognised within the LGBT community.

Anyway, remember fellow bisexuals, let’s keep educating our LGBT community. Let’s try not just to blend in with a label that isn’t ours just because it is the one that’s visible. The LGBTQI family and its facilities are ours to use and feel comfortable in too. Challenge the status quo. Be Visible.

I am 100% Bisexual; No Filter. My sexuality does not change with the gender of my partner or lack of partner. Forever Bisexual. Happy Bisexuality Day to all my fellow Bisexuals. Be out. Be Proud. Be Visible.

Again, don’t forget to pay for the things you buy in stores today, this is one day of the year you are visible, even if it means paying for stuff, Celebrate Bisexual visibility day. Remain Bifabulous and BiVisible cos you are worth it!

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Five Assumptions We Should Avoid Making

I was working out at my gym when two gym regulars decided to strike up a conversation with me.

Gym regular (Male) – You have lost a lot of weight

Gym regular (Female) -Yeah, I told her so too.

Me – Oh, yeah, thanks, the hard work is showing.

Gym regular (Male) – I am sure your husband will be happy

Me – I don’t have a husband. I am single

Gym Regulars – What, you mean you are single? [Read more…]

5 Things You Should Not Ask A Bisexual

 5- “Maybe you are just confused?”

No, I am not confused, thank you. It is astonishing how many people still ask bisexuals this question, even within the LGBT community. Being264251_240895435929789_1041013_n capable of emotional and/or sexual attraction to persons of same-sex and opposite sex does not mean bisexuals are confused about their sexual orientation.

BISEXUALITY is romantic or sexual attraction toward males and females; it also encompasses attractions to all gender identities and biological sexes. Because Bisexuals do not fall into the normative heterosexual attraction or the homosexual narrative does not mean bisexuality is invalid or in any way confusing. Bisexuals are people who are capable of sexual attraction to same, opposite and/or all genders. It really is as simple as that.

If you understand that heterosexuals are people who are sexually/emotionally attracted to people of opposite sex and that homosexuals are people who are attracted to same-sex, it shouldn’t be difficult to understand that bisexuals are people who are attracted to same-sex and opposite sex.

Please, do not dump the ‘confused’ label on bisexuals just because you are reluctant to think beyond the regular narrative.

 4- “Are you not just being greedy?”

What is so annoying about this question is the judgemental tone that usually accompanies it. [Read more…]

Beauty in Diversity

You claim I am flawed

You say I do not belong

My colour different

My body too big

I am attracted to same-sex

I love all genders!

Pause, look, think

Is beauty only uniform?

In different packages it comes

In more ways than one I am capable

My beauty is not just in my abilities

My strength is not just in my looks

My body is beauty in another shape

My skin colour a testimony to creativity

The glow of Love is genderless

When we shut the eye of hate

Ignore the voice of ignorance

We will clearly see the

Nooks and crannies of beauty

And forever appreciate

Beauty in all its diversity.

By © Yemisi Ilesanmi 

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The Politics of Colour: Being an invisible minority within an invisible minority

Bisexuals are not a very visible part of the LGBT community. Unfortunately, biphobia is very much alive within the DSC_0951 newLgbt community. This unfortunate issue has been cause for Bisexuals to come together to organize and gain more visibility in the LGBT community.

When I moved to UK in 2009, I was eager to join the LGBT community and be part of the bisexual community. I soon realized that although it is easy to have a social life beyond virtual interactions with Lesbians and gays activists, it is very difficult to actually meet bisexual activists.

Almost all the LGBT events I attended were dominated by gay and lesbian concerns; there was nothing much about bisexuality. I had to raise the question of more bi visibility at these events.I also noticed that it is one thing to find Bisexual events, it is quite another to find people of colour represented at these events. Unlike most lgbt events (which are actually gay dominated events), there are at least a noticeable number of people of colour, the few bisexual events I have attended failed in this area. 

After making enquires about bi groups and events in UK, a Bi friend who lives outside UK sent me a link to a bi weekend event organized by bisexual activists in UK.  I was glad to attend and was happy that one of the main themes for the weekend was Race. The event was held outside London and I had to travel a bit to get to the destination, optimistic that it was going to be a great weekend with fellow bi activists.

[Read more…]

Let’s talk about Bisexuality and Biphobia

Many always ask the question, ‘what does it mean to be bisexual? I am aware that there is a lot of confusion out there about what bisexuality means. However, contrary to popular opinion, bisexuals are not confused. The confusion is from the many who simply do not understand what bisexuality means. So what is Bisexuality? [Read more…]

MY GENDERLESS LOVE!

I don’t walk straight

Not even for the bait

I am merry yet not gay

I am bi and I can bray

But greed

Is not my seal

Yet you all snigger

Calling me a player

Our goal is acceptance

Where is the tolerance?

 

I am not gay enough

To be wholly enfolded

Not sufficiently lesbian

To be totally embraced

Should I even say Trans?

I can’t brace the rants!

You preach diversity

As community necessity

But are quick to sneer and leer

Whenever I am near

 

Yes, in the mall

I want it all

With the dick

I play and lick

And the boobs

Makes me swoon

The big breasted

Leaves me besotted

With the queers

I will play in the square

 

With the pussy

I get all fussy

The shaven sight

To suckle all night

Bouncy bums

I love to bump

Smooth balls

I like to smooch

With the Pecs

I need no specs

 

I am bisexual, not a player

Stop being my slayer

I am bisexual not confused

Like you I choose my companion

It is a natural attraction

Not just a mere selection

With love I embrace my lover   tender love

It matters not the gender

All I want is tenderness

For my love is genderless.

By (c) Yemisi Ilesanmi