Miss Anambra’s Sex tape and the hypocrisy of Nigerians

As much as I try not to be so bothered with the ignorance displayed by fellow Nigerians daily, sometimes some things come up that one can’t in good conscience ignore because they are issues too important to ignore. The online assault on Miss Anambra by the homophobic, ignorant, religious extremist Nigerian mob is one of these issues. Now I must put my two cents in.

Since the alleged sex tape of Miss Chidinma Okeke, the winner of the 2015 Most Beautiful Girl in Anambra pageant competition, was leaked, there has been heated debate, fury, condemnation and all sorts of righteous silliness.

The sex tape showed Miss Anambra sexually pleasuring herself with a cucumber in the company of another lady, identified as her friend, Miss Adaobi Nzekwe, who was also a beauty queen,  third runner up of the face of democracy, Anambra, 2014.

The tape was released without the consent of Miss Chidinma Okeke. She initially came out to state that she was not the one in the video and that the sex tape was released as a revenge porn. It was also alleged that she was drugged and the video filmed under duress. If the video was filmed under duress and she was drugged, this must be totally condemned. Forcing women to make porn videos to use as a sort of hold or collateral against them is horrible.

In a message posted on her Facebook page Chidima Okeke wrote-

The moment I made public this intention to speak with journalists, I have been under threats by my blackmailers and traducers.

They are seriously threatening to shoot me at the press conference if I ever open my mouth to say the real truth about the ugly episode.

Ms. Okeke has since been dethroned because of the scandal. It is indeed sad that many have found jubilation in pulling the lady down, calling her Cucumber lady, all because she had ‘Lesbian sex’.

First, with all this nonsense talk about it being a lesbian sex, it is pertinent to state that the gender of the person we have sex with does not necessarily define our sexual orientation. The fact that two women were sexually pleasuring themselves does not make it lesbian sex. What is lesbian sex anyway? These two women could be bise264251_240895435929789_1041013_nxual or heterosexual women exploring their bodies and sexuality. No need to label sex based on the gender of the participants.

I am bisexual, I don’t have bisexual sex. Lesbian sex or heterosexual sex. I have sex.  I make love. I fall in love. Not a bisexual love, lesbian love or heterosexual love, just plain old love. Most people understand love and sexual desires. It isn’t any different because the people concerned are of same gender. Some people are Lesbians, Bisexual, Trans, and they have sexual desires, fall in love. Just get over it already.

Now, to the infamous cucumber. Why the outcry about Cucumber? The way Nigerians were shouting about the use of cucumber as a sex toy, one would think it never crossed their mind that such phallus shaped fruits and objects are often used by women around the world to give themselves sexual pleasure and Nigerian women are no exception. Cucumber, eggplants, candles etc are often used by women for sexual pleasure, especially by young curious women exploring their bodies. There is no harm in that and for goodness sake, it is their body. Their body, their choice.

Chidinma Okeke has now been dubbed the ‘Cucumber Lady’ by Nigerians. Don’t go hating on her and her cucumber just because you know your little willies or that big log you call a dick has never made a woman genuinely moan like the cucumber did. For all you know, your girlfriends or wives are busy using cucumber and other phallus shaped objects behind your back to satisfy the void you have not been able to fill. Maybe that cucumber is what is saving your marriage or relationship.

Instead of being so judgemental, why don’t you go learn a few sex tips? Maybe you could get your woman a nice shaped cucumber or get her a sex toy like a dildo or vibrator and use it together with her? For all you know, it might be the first time you experience your woman genuinely orgasm. What’s there to lose? Certainly, not your manhood, unless you are stuck in that patriarchal, sexist age that thinks only a dick should give a woman pleasure.

The condemnation Nigerians have poured on Miss Anambra since the release of the sex tape is nauseating.  Nigerians scream against the so called ‘Lesbian sex’, calling it “perverted” and “end of times signs”, yet the video has gone viral. It was officially reported as a top trending issue on Google search. That’s how much Nigerians love their ‘Lesbian/gay sex’, even though they want to stone the gays to death.

Considering that in 2014 Nigeria’s government enacted an anti-same sex relationship law which stipulates 14 years’ jail term for anyone who engages in same sex relationship and 10 years for anyone who advocates for LGBT rights, yet Nigeria rank has the third consumer of gay porn in the world. The hypocrisy of it all astounds.

The men who are busy wanking and jerking themselves to the sex video are the same who scream blue murder online, asking for Chidinma’s Okeke’s while envying the cucumber.

What is it about a woman owning her body and pleasuring herself the way she wants to that turns some people into judgemental assholes? For goodness sake, it is her body, not yours.

Revenge porn is horrible, patriarchal and designed to further shame women. It asserts that women have no right to enjoy their bodies, or honour their desires. Revenge porn is vengeful. In this modern day, the only reason revenge porn still holds power to shame women is because we still live in a patriarchal, sexist society where women are taught to be ashamed of their own bodies and sexual desires.

It is sad that some people keep calling the act of two women engaging in sex with each other pervert. Sex is natural. Desires are natural. There is nothing unnatural or perverted about experiencing sexual desires with another consenting adult, regardless of the gender of the parties involved. It is high time we stopped being so hang up about gender. Biological sex is not a restriction to sexual attraction or love.

If the action of others does not cause you any harm, stop interfering in their personal business.

In a country where traditional rulers abduct young girls and forced them into marriage, a country where randy old men are happy to use their religion to justify why they marry children as young as 10 years old, it is the highest level of hypocrisy to call for the heads of two consenting same sex adults for daring to have sex. And Nigerians have been calling for their heads as these nasty, ignorant comments on Facebook shows-

chi-14 chi-1 chi-2 chi-3 chi-4 chi-5 chi-9 chi-10 chi-11 chi-12 chi-13

Those nincompoops need to grow a brain. They need to understand that Homosexuality, Bisexuality or Transexuality is not Un-African or Unnatural. They need to accept that their religion is not the law. The world would be a much better place if they crawled back into their caves and never showed their homophobic, biphobic, transphobic faces in civilised society again. We should learn to Live and Let’s live.

Related link-

Debunking the myths: Is Homosexuality, Bisexuality or Transsexualism Un-African or Unnatural?

 

Light It Up: UK Black Pride 2016

Enjoy the sights and sounds of UK Black Pride, 2016 , through my lens and dance steps!

This police officer was really digging it at UK Black Pride, 2016. Transforming our community…for the better.

UK Black Pride 2016-Transforming our community with so much fun and positive vibrations.

UK Black Pride, 2016: Transforming Our Community.
Working it has never been so much fun! Work, work, work , work….

Related post- 

UK Black Pride 2016: Transforming Our Community 

Homophobic/Biphobic attack claims another life in Nigeria; Councilman on the run for his life

EDITED (16/03/2016)- Latest reports coming in are pointing to the fact that the pictures accompanying this story, which were taken from comments left on the alleged victim’s Facebook wall and news-reports, are not that of the alleged victim. Investigations are ongoing to authenticate the story. 

Trigger warning- Graphic pictures: Blood and violence.  

For some time now, for the sake of my mental health, I have shied away from reporting any news or write about anything from my home country, Nigeria. There is only so much sadness I can handle and that country has left me heartbroken one time too many. However, when I saw this horrible news of tragic homophobia on my timeline, I knew I had to say something about this. If anything could jolt me out of my silence on Nigeria and its nefarious issues, it is certainly another tragic homophobia, biphobia and transphobia case.

From news filtering in, the victim, Akinnifesi Olumide Olubunmi, was accused of homosexual activities, he was beaten up by youths in the community on 17th February 2016 and later died on 18th February 2016 from the injuries sustained. [Read more…]

Just another baby born with a bible: Which came first, the baby or the bible?

bible baby

A woman has allegedly given birth to a bible and a baby girl in Osun state, Nigeria. Just another baby born holding a holy book. Last time, it was a baby allegedly born holding a Quran. There was also that case of a baby born holding prayer imagebeads, this time it is a baby born with a bible, all in Nigeria.

I wonder why they are never born with a cure for cancer, a recipe for the best Jollof Rice or at least a lottery ticket that would change the lives of their prayerful parents! Such bullshit stopped being news to me a long time ago, and this malady wouldn’t have caught my attention if not for the sad fact that it was given national coverage on NTA as prime time news! Yes, it made national news coverage on paper and TV, not as satire or a joke but as real news! 

According to NTA, Adijatu Babalola, a mother of three, gave birth to a baby girl after she had delivered a bible in a mysterious way. [Read more…]

BeingFemaleInNigeria: The viral hashtag, the tweets and my take on it

#BeingFemaleInNigeria is a hashtag that went viral in Nigeria just barely hours after it was first tweeted by members of a small book club. The hashtag started trending in many countries including UK. I would have loved for the hashtag to read ‘BeingaWomanInNigeria’ because the word ‘Female’ has its own social construct problem. However, i am over the moon that this very important conversation, which got the whole nation talking, was started by a very small book club.

The book club members had gathered to read their book of the month, an essay titled ‘We Should All Be Feminists’ by Nigerian award winning author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. According to a member of the book club, Florence Warmate, the discussion got very interesting and members started sharing their personal experiences of sexism in Nigeria. They decided not to leave it there but start a conversation on social media about what it is like being a woman in Nigeria.

Florence Warmate posted her first tweet on the subject using the agreed hashtag #BeingFemaleInNigeria. Hours later, it was trending on twitter. It was interesting that a small group of women could ignite a national discussion via social media in a matter of hours. Clearly, it was a discussion Nigerian women (and some men too), were dying to have. [Read more…]

South Africa and Xenophobic Attacks: Simply No Justification

On March 20, 2015, xenophobic attacks broke out in Durban, South Africa, some disgruntled South Africans turned on their neighbours, viciously attacking foreigners, mostly immigrant black Africans. This set in motion a wave of anti-immigrants attacks. The locals accused migrants of taking local jobs. They wanted the foreigners out of their country. Since the attacks, many deaths have been recorded and thousands of foreigners have fled for their lives, with many rendered homeless and in hiding.

A Mozambican man, Emmanuel Sithole was stalked, stabbed and murdered on the streets by vicious South Africans, According to reports, many including policemen watched while he pleaded for his life.

xeno+31images (2)

The Nigerian consul-general in South Africa, Uche Ajulu-Okeke said  – [Read more…]

Jamie Olivier; Hands Off My Continent’s Jollof Rice! #Jollofgate

 

Like many West Africans, I was aghast when I saw the picture of what Jamie Olivier tried to pass off as Jollof rice. Twitter was set ablaze by the B1aijQDCEAApYGlrighteous fury of West Africans, protesting the audacity of an international white celebrity chef, who dared to plagiarised (and badly so too), West Africa’s much beloved dish, Jollof Rice. To an outsider, this might seem like much ado about nothing, but hey jollof rice is not just any rice, it is a national treasure, a national signature, and as #Jollofgate fury has proved, it is an African pride. Touch our Jollof rice; we will come at you with united fury! [Read more…]

Culture is not an excuse to perpetrate injustice; LGBT Rights are about Human Rights not Culture.

As part of the celebration marking Black History/LGBT Month, I was interviewed by  Tundun Adeyemo, presenter of the program ‘Outspoken’ BookCoverImage new vistaon www.africaukradio.com. Below is a text of the interview, also available on her blog.

October is Black History/Lesbian Gays Bisexual Transsexual Month. In parts of London, people have been marking this in various ways. To help us give that some perspective is author Yemisi Ilesanmi who joins us from London to talk about her book and why homosexuality is not just an European concept.

Hello Yemisi, Many thanks for joining us.

 1- You have written this book ‘Homosexuality is not unAfrican.’ Why did you write this book?

Thanks. I wrote this book to counter the erroneous impression that homosexuality is Un-African. This is a rhetoric that many African politicians keep sprouting in their bid to defend the discrimination against gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and Transsexuals. With the upsurge of anti-gay bills springing up in many African countries, it became imperative to provide necessary information and create awareness on the issues of sexual orientation especially homosexuality and bisexuality. Information is power and education is key to human development.

In this digital age, where information is easily accessible, it is sad to know that many people especially Africans still fall for the homophobic, biphobic and transphobiic rhetoric that sexual orientation is a matter of choice. In the book Freedom to Love For All; Homosexuality is not Un-African, I put together a collection of my essays debunking the myths that Homosexuality is Un-African.

First, I started by clarifying the meaning of sexual orientation and providing accepted definition of the different kinds of sexual orientation and gender identity that we [Read more…]

London Black Atheists Celebrates 2nd Anniversary In Style!

London Black Atheists (LBA) celebrated its 2nd anniversary on Saturday, 25 October 2014 at Conway Hall, London.  It was also an opportunity to mark Black History Month. It was a fabulous evening with fantastic people, amazing talents and delicious food and drinks.

Clive Aruede and a few other atheists with the aim of bringing together black atheists in London founded London Black Atheists two years ago. LBA provides a nurturing atmosphere for black atheists to come out of the closet and interact in a safe environment.

600_426592902 600_426613782

London Black Atheists organises meetups including talks and social outings. It announces scheduled meetups on its Meetup page. Its ‘About info’ states: [Read more…]

Sensationalising the Plight of African LGBTs

I am often approached at LGBT events especially at protests rallies by filmmakers and journalists who want to write a piece or make a 04338_yemisi_ilesanmidocumentary on the ‘horrible’ situation of African Lesbians and gays (they hardly take cognizance of bisexuals and Trans).

There is no doubt that African LGBTs who reside in countries where their sexual orientation is criminalised face a daunting task. Living a closeted life or choosing to face the consequences of being out and proud in a society where one’s sexual orientation is criminalised is frightening and dehumanising. I have been there, I am still there, and I know how horrible the threats can be. So yes, I understand why the filmmakers and writers are fascinated with telling this horror story.

However, a recurring theme makes me cringe every time I am approached by filmmakers or journalists demanding that I tell the horror stories or at least provide them some graphic pictures of violence suffered by African LGBTs. There is this fascination with the horror stories and abused bodies of African LGBTs that I am beginning to wonder if it is a voyage into morbid porn and/or just another way to portray Africans as victims.

When I inform these filmmakers and journalists that I do not have pictures of abused African LGBTS to share with them, they are immediately crestfallen. It is my opinion that most of them haunt African LGBT activists protest grounds not because they are interested in the fight for African LGBT Rights but because they see the plight of African LGBTs as a way of furthering their career in Journalism or film industry.

A heart-wrenching, graphic documentary on the abuses suffers by African LGBTs and why African LGBTS need white saviours could turn a [Read more…]

“We do not learn about our history by sitting in cages or sitting in slave ships and re-enacting how many lashes we had and seeing our skins with all those abrasions.” On Exhibit B-The human zoo. A great talk by Esther Stanford-Xosei.

The Barbican center is yet to cancel the awfully racist, dehumanising and traumatising exhibition titled ‘Exhibit B’ by white South African, Brett Bailey. Exhibit B- the human zoo, is a dehumanising, racist voyeurism in the name of art.

Below is a video of a great talk by “Reparationist, Jurisconsult, dynamic community advocate and radio Broadcaster Esther Stanford-Xosei” courtesy of London Live 360 TV  It is a must watch interview!

  [Read more…]

Exhibiting Africans in a Human Zoo is not Art, it is Racist Voyeurism! Please sign this petition.

The Human Zoo exhibition ‘Exhibit B’ by white South African Brett Bailey is disgusting and dehumanising! As a black woman in the 21st century, my skin colour or body should not be on exhibition for the voyeuristic, closeted pleasure of racist privileged white people. My ancestors already suffered this humiliation, I should not have to watch it happen again under the pathetic excuse of “It is Art”.

If the people at the Barbican Centre cannot see why this is racist and dehumanising, they need to raise their social consciousness and awareness.

As for the artist, white South African Brett Bailey, I think he already knows that he is a racist asshole, afterall his reported use of the ‘N’ words testify to this.

It is not art, it is an outlet for him and his fellow racist, privileged white people to enjoy voyeuristic, closeted racist pleasure at the expense of [Read more…]

LGBT Rights in Africa: Why we need international solidarity- Interview on SkyNews

Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals and Transsexuals from countries where their sexual orientation and/or gender identity is criminalised need international solidarity. What we do not need is seeing international leaders who claim to support our fight for LGBT rights wine and dine our oppressors.

When we watch international leaders who are supposedly LGBT allies frolicking with our oppressors, the message we get is that we do not matter. In the long run, it is all about their politics, not their words. International leaders should please WALK THEIR TALK.

Below is a video of my interview on SkyNews on the topic LGBT Rights in Africa and why we need international solidarity. [Read more…]

Nigerian Trans woman, Ms Sahhara, wins Ms Super Sireyna Worldwide: Eat your heart out Transphobic Nigeria!

I was delighted when the beautiful, multi- talented Ms Sahhara was declared the winner of Super Sireyna Worldwide, 2014 at the grand finale in 10513314_162106167322674_1317010551276969853_nPhilippines. She also won the best Talent award and her national costume was fabulous!

Ms Super Sireyna is the most watched Transgender Beauty Pageant on Philippine Television, Eat Bulaga. The pageant aims to showcase the beauty of Super Sireynas and to foster camaraderie amongst contestants and Sireynas worldwide. It grades contestants on looks, talent and wit.

Ms Sahhara is a Nigerian Trans Woman who resides in UK. She is very visible on social media. She uses her social networks to advocate for LGBT Rights and promote Trans visibility. She entered the pageant as Miss Nigeria.  Her interview section was great! She answered her questions with poise, intelligence and was witty to the core! She also used the platform to highlight the problems LGBT Nigerians face due to criminalisation of their sexual orientation, gender identity and the negative societal attitudes towards LGBTs.

In her entry video for the competition Super Sireyna Worldwide Nigeria 2014, she explained why she was competing. She stated that if given the chance to wear the crown, she will use the opportunity to enlighten people about Trans’ issues. She believes if people don’t understand things, they should ask questions. The video was made as part of her preparation for the competition. She obviously prepared with passion and dedication for the pageant. It wasn’t just about beauty, it was also about talent, creativity and passion. The video is quite informative and worth watching. [Read more…]