I am not a fan of cold weathers and I can be quite grumpy when forced to go out in cold weathers. I am also not a fan of bulky clothes and I certainly am not in my best moods when I am all covered up and weighed down by shapeless, bulky winter jackets. Although they do hide my accumulated holiday fat caused by gorging on holiday temptations like ice creams and cakes, urged on by tempting Xmas food commercials.

Anyway, there I was rushing out in the cold weather to make a trip to my pharmacy; I guess this constitutes an emergency and therefore justifies my having to leave the warmth of my bed. Anyway, there I was walking down the high street minding my own damn business when a black woman abruptly thrust a leaflet at me, muttering “Take, Jesus Christ will change your life forever”. I politely declined and walked on. What I really wanted to say to her was “So, in the usual bigoted religious assumption, you thought my life needed changing”. I guess that would be an overreaction. Damn proselytizer Christians!

Not that my life could not do with a bit of change. Well, for one, I would love to win the lottery even though I don’t buy lottery tickets. I wish I could overcome my skepticism about my chances of winning the lottery. Well,  if Jesus has not changed the life of the Christian proselytizer with a lottery win, I don’t think he is in a position to make a dent in my life. Hmm…life changer my ass.  Well, I did say my mood is not the best during winter.

OK, there I was at the bus stop with my bag of prescription, waiting for my bus and minding my own business as usual, when this woman with a pram just came and stood right in front of me, blocking my vision. She started cooing or was it scolding the tot in the pram. In a typical Nigerian way,  she would, once in a while, look up from scolding the child and try to engage me and the others at the bus stop in her cooing/scolding. We all ignored her. It was after all a very cold day, so I gave her a very cold look.

She eventually stopped cooing and when I thought I was finally going to have peace, she burst out singing a very old but popular gospel tune. In fact it took me by surprise because I have not heard that tune in a long time. It used to be a special tune for me when I was a believer. I sang it whenever I wanted to go into a trance and be at one with the Holy Spirit. I sang it in a dramatic way, with all the treats including theatrical tears, which come to think of it, must have looked like a painful sexual mating with the Holy Spirit!

The tune was the popular- 

Lord I lift Your name on high
Lord I love to sing Your praises

I’m so glad You’re in my life

I’m so glad You came to save us 

You came from Heaven to earth

To show the way

From the earth to the cross
My debt to pay

From the cross to the grave  
From the grave to the sky
Lord I lift Your name on high 

I was so surprised that I actually found myself nodding to the song. As I said,  it used to be my ‘get high on holy ghost’ song. Just as I was getting into the mood, my bus pulled up.  I was still miming the song when I realized I had brought out the wrong bus pass, which means I got charged for the bus fare when I could have used a free bus pass. Talk about paying debts that I didn’t owe, damn fucking Jesus Christ!  OK, that got me annoyed, as if I was not annoyed enough already, but it did not stop the song from stubbornly playing in my head.

Well, I really was once very much into the song, it got me high. As we know, religion really is the opium of the masses. Some prefer to get high on cannabis, marijuana or cocaine while many get high on religion. The song was my dose for getting high when I needed to speak in tongues and mate with the Holy Spirit.

Funny enough, as I mused about the extra charge on my oyster and the unnecessary debt I paid all due to the distraction of that once beloved tune, the song started playing in my head as a tribute to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Below are the lyrics and BTW, here is a video of me getting high on his holy noodleness, Flying Spaghetti Monster. I guess I would rather get high on skepticism, logic and facts than get high on delusions, but I don’t mind getting high on Pasta in praise of his holy noodleness, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Happy Holidays! 

 Tribute To Flying Spaghetti Monster

Flying Spaghetti Monster
How I love to eat your pasta
I am so glad you came to boil for me

I am so glad you wrap me in noodles

You came from heaven to earth
To boil for my sins
From the pot to my plate
My hunger to quench
With sauce and pasta
You fed me with love

Flying Spaghetti Monster 

R’Amen!