In Loving Memory of my Son’s Dad

Stephen, my son’s beloved dad, took his last breath in his son’s arms yesterday. He was 55 years old. We met 30 years ago and 28 years ago we both became parents to our only child, named after him, Stephen. We separated 25 years ago but remained friends for life.

After experiencing chronic back pain for months and undergoing all medical tests possible in the States where he resided, he was finally diagnosed in November with Pancreatic Cancer. It was a shock to us all.

Stephen was there for me and my family when my sister had her battle with cancer last year. Stephen was close to my siblings, however, Kehinde was the closest to him. Kenny spent her last Christmas with Stephen at his house in Nigeria.

Stephen took care of himself, ate heathy, didn’t smoke or drink, always in a great mood, never one to give in to anger or hold grudges. He was generous to a fault to family, friends, and acquaintances. Unfortunately, the terrible disease didn’t care about all that.

Cancer is cruel and pancreatic cancer is one of the cruelest one out there. It doesn’t have a single cause and it can’t be prevented either. It kills rapidly as it is difficult to detect early. It is often detected only after it has spread to other parts.

I was privileged to spend some hours with him shortly before Christmas on his transit journey from the States through London back to Nigeria, I knew it was most probably the last time I would see him. Despite the pain he was in, we managed to have a good time with our son.

Stephen was my first love, a friend for life who never judged me. He was a Mountain of Fire senior pastor and I, a vocal Atheist. No, he was not a pastor when we met but became active in the church shortly after we separated 25 years ago. We had our quips, but we always knew what was most important, our son and our friendship. As we grew older, we got better and better at co-parenting.

He was a great dad and a wonderful person to co- parent with. He was a much beloved member of my family, a big brother to my siblings, who seemed to care more for him than me. He was a son to my parents until their death. He was a friend to my childhood friends who somehow still managed to stay connected with him after all these years. Everywhere he went, he was loved, and that was one of the traits he passed on to our son.

His son was everything to him. Last time we spoke he told me how his son knows everything about him, was his confidante and how he doesn’t keep secrets from his son. We both felt so grateful for the blessing that is our son. He took his last breath in his son’s loving arms.

Death is cruel, it is also a reminder of our mortality.

To all who have lost loved ones, especially to untimely death, a part of us dies with them. We try every day to fill that void with good memories of them but yes, they take a piece of our heart with them.

 

 

Stephen Agadagba Jones, you have started your journey as an ancestor too early, but we will always remember you with love, respect, and reverence for the good-hearted person you were on earth. Rest in peace.

Happpy 48th Birthday to me!

Wishing myself a very happy 48th Birthday on planet earth. This has not been the happiest of my birthdays as the past few months have been about healing from loss and fighting hard to not let the haters, who can’t stand BlackGirlMagic, silence my voice at work.

However, I am grateful for life, good health and prosperity. I am proud that in the face of adversities, my crown has not slipped, this queen is still standing strong and proud.

The past year has tested and reminded me of things that have kept me strong, happy and contented over the years. They are also things I will be taking into the next stage of my life. A few of these reminders are-

1- I am my own tribe and there is nothing wrong with this because j am enough.

2- Never sweat the small stuff, life is too short

3- When things gets tough, take a deep breath, adjust my crown and face life head high.

4- Never expect anything from anyone because the things I value most, compassion, empathy, loyalty and honesty, are the things humans find most difficult to give.

5- Continue to be myself wherever I go. My whole self is a gift to anyone lucky enough to be in my presence.

6- Never let the world change my smile or take away my joy. My life is mine to live, not for others to ruin.

7- Remember the loved ones I have lost with happiness because they live on in my heart .Therefore I must make my heart a happy place for them to be.

8- Family are those who love, respect and show me compassion. Never let blood determine who I call family or who stay in my life.

9- Hold my loved ones closer to my heart because the greatest gift of all is unconditional love.

10- Live. Love. Laugh today because tomorrow is never promised.

Thanks to everyone who has enriched my life one way or the other, may we all celebrate many more years of love, happiness and good health.

In memory of my beloved sister

In the early hours of Tuesday 16 May 2023, my beloved sister, Kehinde Ilesanmi, passed away. She was 37 years old.

 

Kehinde Ilesanmi (RIP)

Kenny, as we fondly called her, was a vivacious, strong, kind, beautiful, lively, ambitious, hardworking woman with the most beautiful smile she freely bestowed on all around her. She was the big Auntie to all her nephews and nieces, they all adored her to the moon and back. She was an Auntie as well as a best friend to my son, they were inseparable.

Kehinde was undoubtedly the most entrepreneurial of us all. She was a consummate buisness woman, a professional insurance broker, and last year she launched her christian book, KAIROS.

Kenny watcher published book, KAIROS.

This time last year, this young woman who was preparing to step into a brighter future in her profession with brand new juicy opportunities, was out of the blue, diagnosed with a rare kind of stage 4 Sarcoma cancer. It was a shock to us all and none of us was prepared for the havoc this horrible disease would go on to wreak. In the blink of an eye, the cancer took over both her lungs, leaving her dependent on oxygen mask to breathe.

I remember frantically trying to get an emergency transit visa to Nigeria as my Nigerian passport had expired. I rushed down to Nigeria to be by her side.

On arrival, I was informed by the doctors that my sister had two weeks to live.

Kenny was a strong woman and she definitely wasn’t going to go down without a fight. So, she started the tortuous journey of chemotherapy.

She was a dedicated Christian and she held on to her faith to the end. With her determination and the love and support of her family, she was able to beat the predicted end date ( an end date she was not aware of as we decided to keep this info from her).

Soon after she started chemo, she gradually started gaining her life back. She was so strong. Her strenght and determination was amazing. I remember one day after another round of tough love and motivational prep talk from me, she smilingly asked me how i even think to come up so fast with the come back quips to any reluctance she has to do a task and asked why i havent published a motivational book yet as I’ve got a way with words. Kenny, maybe one day, I would do that just for you.

Two months later as I was leaving to go back to the UK , Kenny was also finally leaving the hospital, now able to breathe on her own without total dependence on oxygen mask and was able to ditch the wheel chair and moved to her new home on her own two feet.

The first round of chemotherapy helped stall the growth and spread of the cancer tumour in her lungs and we saw great improvement in her quality of life. She even surprised a friend when she showed up at her wedding looking gorgeous as ever. When she sent me a video of her at the wedding, I remember screaming with joy, and I will forever hold on to that happiness.

Unfortunately, the second round of chemo was not so successful. It was difficult watching her go through all that pain, and the many other complications of cancer.

On Tuesady 16 May.2023, one year after she was given 2 weeks to live, her fight came to an end. Her battle is over, her pain is over and she is now at peace.

I am consoled knowing the pain is over for her. The pain of losing a loved one is for the living to bear, not the dead. One cannot be fully prepared for the pain of losing a loved one even if one knew it was coming. The pain still pierces through the heart leaving indelible mark.

My sister lives on in my heart as the beautiful, ambitious, entrepreneurial, strong woman she was. I am extremely grateful for all the beautiful memories we made together.

Kehinde mi, Akehinde gbegbon

She was a twin. Below is the Yoruba Oriki Ibeji ( praise poem of twins)

Oriki ibeji – Ejire ( Twins)
Yoruba Praise poem of Twins

Sun re. Rest in perfect peace, my beloved sister.

LGBT+ History Month 2023: #BehindTheLens. How will history portray us 20 years from now?  

The LGBT+ History Month 2023 theme, #BehindTheLens, aims to celebrates LGBT+ peoples’ contributions to cinema and film from behind the lens. Directors, cinematographers, screen writers, producers, animators, costume designers, special effects, make-up artists, lighting directors, musicians, choreographers and beyond.

LGBT History Month is celebrated in October in the US. The UK chose to celebrate it in February because it coincides with the abolition of Section 28, which formerly stated that local authorities were not allowed to “intentionally promote homosexuality”.

One thing I would love to celebrate this LGBT History month is that for the first time in England and Wales History, in over 200 years, LGBT + people in England and Wales are now officially part of the census. 1.5 million people in England and Wales identify as LGBT+. This is great news because with visibility comes acknowledgment and validation. We exist. We are part of the community. We can officially look at providing the services the LGBT+ citizens need to live as their authentic selves without fear. To aim to put in place the necessary policies and amenities to protect the human rights and dignity of members of the LGBT+ community.

While we celebrate this development, I cannot help but be sad also. It is not yet Uhuru for our LGBT+ community. This has been a very tough month for the LGBT community in UK, especially the T part of our community. Transgender people are constantly under attack.

It has now been exactly 20 years since Section 28, the draconian law that criminalises the ‘promotion of homosexuality’ was repealed. While we have made progress in the rights of LGBT+ in the UK, we still have a massive section of our community that are constantly under attack. People are still abused and beaten up on the streets for being gay, bisexual, non-binary or Trans. Children are still being bullied in schools for identifying as LGBT+. Trans rights are heavily under attack.

Which brings me to the tragic case of Brianna Ghey. Brianna was a vivacious 16year old trans teenage girl. Brianna was found with stab wounds in a village park in Cheshire on Saturday, February 11, where she was pronounced dead at the scene.

According to her family, Brianna was a “much-loved daughter, granddaughter, and sister”.

According to the News, Cheshire Police initially said they did not believe the attack was a hate crime but now detectives said all lines of inquiry were “being explored”, including hate crime. A boy and a girl, both 15, have been charged with her murder.

It is heart-breaking that this crime was committed by anyone, and even more so, by teenagers who are children themselves. How did we get here?

It is quite common nowadays to see adults openly mock the preferred pronouns of trans and non-binary identifying people. A case in point is how the popular singer- songwriter, Sam Smith is constantly mocked on social media after they came out as non-binary.

When we disrespect peoples’ pronouns, laugh at them, or give a like on social media to comments disparaging trans and non-binary people, we lay the foundation for a hate crime. By our action or inaction, we are telling everyone, including impressionable children, that it is ok to mock LGBT+ people.

No one is born with hate; it is a learned behaviour. When children commit such atrocious hate crime, as adults, we should also take a hard look at ourselves.

Brianna suffered bullying at school but nothing much was done to address it. Her live was cut short by hate. Lots of vigils have been held in her honour. It was a shame and appalling that anti-lgbt hate words were shouted at mourners at her vigil in Birmingham. We need to do better. It is all our responsibility to demand change, not just that of the LGBT + Community.

Also, this history month, I would like us to spare a thought for the Black/ Brown LGBT+ migrants and asylum seekers who escaped draconian laws and persecution to seek refuge in UK. Most often than not, the policies we have in place further degrade them. The requirement to share graphic details of their personal lives including pictures of their sex life to prove their sexual identity is very degrading and dehumanising.

The fact that many would have to wait for years for a decision on their case is very frustrating. Also, during this period they are not allowed to work and must live on stipends. This further exposes them to exploitation from those who prey on vulnerable members of our society. Also, even if they get a favourable decision after years of waiting, they face another obstacle, that of getting a job.

Many of the LGBT + Asylum seekers are educated, have degrees, and some have postgraduate degrees. However, they soon learn that Racism is a big impediment in career choice for Black and Brown immigrants in UK. They also now have gaps in their CVs due to the years of waiting for a decision on their right to stay and work. Some employers do not value ‘overseas’ academic qualifications, especially when it is from the African continent and the Caribbean. The previous skills they had from their home countries are often sniggered at. Many are forced to apply for jobs they are overqualified for. This affects their earning power, further entrenching a poverty circle for Black/Brown immigrants.

As we celebrate this year’s theme, #BehindTheLens, let us take a closer look at the lives of our LGBT+ communities and ask ourselves, are we really doing enough to remove the barriers they face? How will history portray us when 2023 is showcased 20 years from now?

Could we make this year the turning point when we say no one is free until we are all free?

Could we make it the year we stand up for the rights of every LGBGT+ person regardless of class, gender, religion, or race?

Today, let us put ourselves right in front of the camera and act so history can record us favourably.

This LGBT+ History Month, let us learn from our past and keep standing in solidarity to make history for our communities.

Happy LGBT+ History Month.

Action not Words: A Journey through History to Freedom and Unity 

Growing up as a child back home in Lagos, Nigeria, I remember vividly when after another power outage by the electricity company notoriously known as NEPA at the time, children and adults would gather outside for some cool breeze. Children would sit on their mats, gathered round the adults to listen to folktales, mostly stories about a cunning and evil tortoise and I would wonder why tortoise was always portrayed as the evil and cunning one. However, sometimes I would take my mat, lay down alone and stare at the open sky with all its bright shining stars. I would gradually drift into imagination land where I imagined a big tree with gigantic root with different branches growing in different directions, all reaching high up into the night skies and somehow all connected to the different stars with shinning stars on the tips of its branches. I called it the Tree of life. The branches represented humans of all races branching out in different directions, but all rooted in one life source.

The branches were all human siblings and I wondered why we did not get along and why some think they were superior due to their race. At the time my knowledge of racial inequality was limited to Apartheid in South Africa. Charities visited our schools; they told us what was happening in South Africa and asked us to donate to the Apartheid fighting fund. I donated my pocket money to the funds hoping it helped. My dream was to see all those branches come together united under the tree and have a big family feast.

As I grew older and travelled far and wide, I began to understand better why making that journey back to the start of our life source would be difficult for us all. Also, more difficult, traumatic, and uncomfortable to different degrees for some more than others. It is the journey through History and history is not always a wonderful place to revisit.

Black history month is that time we journey through the lens of Black people to understand the forgotten contributions of black heroes. This Black History month theme is ‘Time for change: Action not Words’. Maybe the action to take is to commit to taking that journey through history in a bid to connect to the tree of life, the very source of it all with the hope that the journey, even though difficult and traumatic sometimes, would eventually make us a better person, with better understanding and better equipped emotionally to connect with ‘siblings’ all over the world.

Understanding history is important. The way I am perceived, the way I perceive others, the way I am treated, the way I treat others, and the way we all see things have been influenced by the culture we grew up in and the culture was impacted heavily upon by history. Therefore, whether we like it or not, we are all by-product of history and its legacies.

History is why a black child would pick a white doll over a black doll when asked to pick the doll they think is beautiful.

History is the reason when black girls were shown the trailer of a Black Ariel with red Locs, they cried with happiness and screamed “She looks just like me!”.

History is also why some white adults, who felt offended by a black girl playing Ariel, the mermaid, have created the hashtag #NotMyAriel on social media, to vociferously complain about the casting.

History is the reason when I was a teenager with wild imagination, I drafted short novels on notebooks which my mates would queue up to read. One thing that I later realised was that the characters in all my stories were white and the settings British, even though I was a black girl living in a black country, who never saw a white person. Yet, somehow, I had been socialised to think and dream ‘white’.

History is why in high school; we were forbidden to speak in our mother tongue. History is why many of us who grew up in that environment hardly speak or write fluently in any language, be it English or our native language. We have a love-hate relationship with our mother tongue.

History is why as a black woman I have a love hate relationship with my hair. It is also why we say to our White colleagues. “Don’t touch my hair”. When you know the story of Sarah Baartman, you will understand why we don’t want to be touched or treated like exotic exhibits.

History is why when I visited the British Museum for the first time with a white friend who was eager to show me the African artefacts, she could not understand why I was angry and sad looking at the work of arts from my motherland displayed in British museum. When I expressed that these artefacts should be where they belonged, her response was that more people are able to see it in British museums and Britain have preserved the arts since it could have been destroyed in there country of origin. Her pride at having these artefacts in the British museum was a result of the version of history she was fed and socialised to believe. She saw these artefacts and felt Pride, I saw these artefacts, felt helpless, and traumatised. Our perception although rooted in history, was different because we had different version of the same history.

When I did a short course at Michigan State university, Michigan, I used the opportunity to visit the slave trade museum in Detroit. There I saw the epitome of man’s inhumanity to man. I saw the boats, chains and the instrument of torture that were like something out of a hammer house of horror, only that this was reality, these atrocities happened. I was traumatised, I wept for days. I was angry, I was sad, I was baffled. I could not comprehend it; I still cannot comprehend it. I knew there was no way I would let my then young son visit such a place. However, history is not something we can or should hide from.

History is why when I first came to the UK as a Postgraduate student, the white male doctor at the University surgery refused to honour my medical prescription because it was from a Nigerian University Teaching Hospital and because of his racism, I almost died.

History is why George Floyd took his last breath begging for his life with the words “I can’t Breathe” while a white police officer kept his knee on his neck for eight minutes and 46 seconds until George Floyd breathed his last breath. History is why killings of Breonna Taylor and Ahmaud Arbery and Trayvon Martin happened.

History is why we are where we are today. History is part of the reasons our society treat people differently.

Black history month is not just about Black people understanding their history, it is about everyone understanding History. Not just the part that appear in school curriculum but the part that, to various degrees, we have all been shielded from.

As a child, I was taught in school that Mungo Park discovered River Niger, but even then, I asked, but were people not living, bathing, and washing their clothes on the bank of River Niger before Mungo Park was born?

BHM- People Not SlavesThe history of Africa is not the history of slaves or all about slavery. Slaves were not taken from Africa, people were taken from Africa and made slaves in foreign lands.

Slave trade interrupted the History of Africa, but the history of Africa did not stop there. Africa had a rich history before slave trade, a rich history during slave trade, and a rich history after slave trade.

Black history month is about everybody, regardless of race, making the conscious decision and putting in the effort to learn.

History conferred advantages on some and wherever there are people with advantages, there will be those who are disadvantaged by the advantages of others. When we begin to understand where we still benefit from the history of our ancestors, we begin to understand and empathise with these who are the victims of some atrocious actions in history. Then, we can stand together and not feel like we are from two different worlds, just like I felt with my white friend at the British museum.

We have come to a place now where LGBT+ Pride events are attended and celebrated not just by LGBT people but allies as well. This is what we should be doing during Black History month. It is not just a month for Black people to learn about their history, it is a time for white people to learn about their part in the history, no matter how uncomfortable it is. When you do this, you can begin to unpack how growing up in a racially unequal society has impacted on how you view the world and the privileges it confers on you as a white person.

Aftermath of George Floyd murder, many white people started learning about race and racism. Many bought books such as ‘Why I am no longer talking to White people about Race’ and ‘White Fragility’. Many attended protests rally. Did we just buy those books and let them gather dust without reading them? Did we stop attending these rallies because it was no longer trending on social media? Were we just performative allies?

We should never stop learning. It is also not too late to read these books we bought. Being an ally is a lifelong commitment. This Black history month, ask yourself, are you still an Ally?

Now, back to my fantasy of the three of life. I now understand why making the journey from the branches back to the root would be difficult. For many, the path is filled with tears, sweat and blood. Branches aren’t equally strong. Some tree branches have been made strong from feeding off the other branches or cutting off light and water supply to other branches.

However, how are we ever going to heal and unite to have that feast at the root as siblings if we don’t make the journey back to our root?

Now, as an adult, when I fantasise about the tree of life, I imagine that the starry lights at the tips of the branches are lights we emit within us. The light is not from the stars but from within us. I want to connect to the light within another human, regardless of race, sexuality, disability, or gender.

If we are ever cornered in a cave and suddenly a ray of light appears through a hole, we would gravitate towards it and attempt to break down the barriers to let in more light. The more barriers we breakdown, the brighter it becomes. When we make that journey down to the root, our lights shine brighter with every step we take. And when the lights in me join forces with the light in you, we create a circle of light that shines bright not just on us but light up our surroundings too. And this will be our new stars that light up the stormy nights, not in faraway galaxies but right here with us.I hope we will see this Black history month as a Time for change. A time to start a conversation, to read more and keep the important conversations going. A time to act, to light the path, not just for us, but for others and start building a better history that is not filled with tears and blood but filled with healing and love for the generations after us. Happy Black History Month.

My 47th Birthday Celebration

It was my 47th year on planet earth few weeks ago and i celebrated it in my signature style; with selfies and a birthday dance!

I can’t pretend to have the age-long answer to the meaning of life. However, what I do know is that life is to be lived not spent pontificating on its meaning. Yes, we have got one life to live, however, the most important thing is to live each day with gratitude.and on our own terms.

The last two months were one of the most intense and scariest of my life . I had to go to Nigeria unexpectedly for a family medical emergency. I am grateful that I am here today , able to celebrate my birthday with a big smile on my face. If i was asked to make a birthday wish, it would be to keep all my loved ones safe and heathy. Heath is wealth. And well, to win the big lottery while we are at it!

I’ve experienced life’s twin fountains of pleasures and pains, love and loss, happiness and sadness, good health and bad health but I knew they were all part of the deal called Life.

Life is a race I was enrolled in without my consent; I might as well aim to win it.

I am very grateful for where I am today and for the people that have been part of my journey through different stages in my life. Those that passed through it and those that are still part of it.

Life is a beautiful story as long as we keep writing our pages and chapters in our own words , on our own terms and live it unapologetically.

I say thank you to everyone who sent me birthday wishes, I appreciate you all. May we always have abundant love and happiness in our heart to share and celebrate with others.

For those who sent me prayers and thanked their God(s) on my behalf, please always bear in mind that I am an Atheist, therefore your prayers don’t mean much to me beyond being patronising. Your intent might be good ( to you) but the impact isn’t. Thanks all the same but don’t do it again.

Some are surprised that some of us women are happy to splash our age on social media, I’d just say, growing old is an honour and privilege. We will not always be alive to celebrate being a year older. Also, when we die, people will print obituaries and splash our age all over social media, with or without our consent. Why not celebrate, embrace and own our age while we still can?

Here is to growing older gracefully, disgracefully or in whatever manner we choose to celebrate life!

I raise a glass today and toast everything that makes me the extraordinarily fierce, passionate, mentally and emotionally intelligent, discerning, sexy, strong, independent, beautiful black woman I am today.

To many more years of living life with a passion!

 

ĺ

 

The Murder of Deborah Samuel Yakubu by Islamic fanatics.

On May 12, 2022, Deborah Samuel Yakubu, a 200 level Home Economics student of the Shehu Shagari College of Education, Sokoto was lynched by her fellow students on allegation of committing Blasphemy.

Deborah was dragged out of the security room where she was hiding, by a mob. She was mercilessly beaten, tires thrown around her neck and set ablaze by her colleagues, young Islamic fanatics.

Each time I tried to write about this case, I usually freeze, unable to manage more than a few words. I just stop because I feel a hopeless sadness pierce at my heart. A total confusion and perplexed at the sanity of the perpetrators and of those who still hold religious beliefs so dearly that they would harm others or even kill for their God or religious beliefs.

Deborah Yakubu was accused of committing Blasphemy against Islam/ Prophet Mohammed on a WhatsApp group. It is not very clear exactly what she said that her murderers considered blasphemous and worth lynching her over. Some have said Deborah, as a Christian, credited Jesus for helping her pass her exams. Some said she allegedly made a comment on WhatsApp, criticizing the religion-related posts that Muslim classmates discussed in the study group she believed should have been reserved for academic purposes. Whatever it was, it was allegedly deemed to be blasphemous, especially as Sokoto State, where the college of Education is located, is an Islamic state, although it is still part of the Federal Republic of Nigeria, which is a Federal State and constitutionally a secular State, although the culture and behaviours suggest otherwise.

Nigeria has 32 States that make up the Federation. The North is largely Muslim while the South is largely Christian.

There has been public outcry in many parts of Nigeria following this dastardly act, with many calling for Justice.

President Muhammadu Buhari, Amnesty International (AI), the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) and the Human Rights Writers Association of Nigeria (HURIWA) all condemned the dastardly act. You can read the many statements from different organisations in this Guardian report.

Catriona Laing, British high commissioner to Nigeria, called for the prosecution of the killers of Deborah. She tweeted, “I condemn the murder of Deborah Samuel in Sokoto, and urge the police and relevant authorities to ensure the perpetrators of this horrific act are made to face justice in line with the law.”

The Nigerian Bar Association announced that its conference that was scheduled to hold in Sokoto State from Sunday, May 22 to 26, 2022, has been cancelled because of the murder.

In a statement, signed by NBA President, Olumide Akpata, he said ” The NBA is deeply worried not just by the chilling news of the murder of Miss Deborah Yakubu, but also by the sudden and sad turn of events and the deteriorating security situation in Sokoto State.”

Akpata also expressed NBA’s concerns regarding the charges preferred against suspects that have been arraigned for the gruesome murder of the student.

“We are, however, worried by yet-to-be-confirmed reports reaching us that the suspects have been charged with mere breach of public peace in an episode that cut short Deborah’s life in her prime,” he said adding that the NBA is opposed to a “banalisation of the situation.”

Breach of peace? Really? A gruesome murder was committed in public, and they are charging the suspects with “breach of peace”? Words fail me.

Humans have been perpetrating unfathomable evils since they started creating Gods in their own image. The evils committed in the name of religion since time immemorial are just incomprehensibly evil, abominable and unfortunately still celebrated in the two precious holy books of Christians and Muslims.

I never met another Atheist before I became an Atheist. As a young teenager enthusiastic about her Christianity and about winning Bible quizzes, I simply read the Bible in all its entirety and knew there and then that my morality is far superior to that of the God portrayed in the fictional but gruesome holy book. I could not in all consciousness continue to worship or celebrate a sadistic God that was portrayed as responsible for the murders, genocide and jealous killings of even children.

Is it any wonder that some people who worship this God want to be just like him? I mean, what would God do in this circumstance if he were in that WhatsApp Group? Most probably get jealous, angry, throw a tantrum, and set the alleged blasphemer ablaze himself.

Well, it wouldn’t be a first, no matter what the religious believers say, be they Christians or Muslims. The Abrahamic God is not exactly known for His even temper and kind heartedness towards those who have any other God besides Him. Afterall, believers gleefully inform us that their God is busy preparing an everlasting burning fire where unbelevers like myself will burn in hell forever. How are sane people with empathy even capable of loving anyone, be it God or man, who is capable of thinking such evil deed, let alone carry it out? I say, show me your God and I will tell you who you are.

Deborah was an ardent Christians. I have seen some wonder why her God, the Christiaan God, did not step in and prevent her murder, smite the Islamic fanatics and show himself as the true God.

It is futile asking this type of question. It reminds me of the age-old question of Epicurus

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

It has been three weeks since the gruesome lynching and it seems Nigerians have already moved on to the next story on social media, the suicide of a successful single middle-aged woman. Another sad incident I shall write about in my next blog.

Until then, please try not to lose your humanity in this often inhuman world and definitely do not lose hope in humanity even though this seems to be the most difficult thing for me right now.

My heartfelt condolences to the family of Deborah Samuel Yakubu.

Related posts-

8 students burnt to death for Blasphemy against Islam

The cancer called Religion!

Africans in Ukraine face Racism

My heart breaks! Why are Black people so much hated everywhere?
I woke up to the hashtag #africansinukraine trending on social media and right now it is difficult not to rage at the world, at racism and how sad this all is. And they say White Supremacy is a thing of the past!

This makes me wonder; if we ever had a world crisis where people had to be rescued, I wouldn’t be surprised if the sign “No Blacks until all White people are safe” is openly displayed and a Policy to that effect openly implemented.

We say Never Again then things like this happen and we know yes, it can happen again. The true test of character and allyship is not when we are comfortable but when we are in a difficult situation.

Is it any surprise we don’t read about these things on the news, no mainstream media coverage? If not for social media, many would deny that such is happening right now. I despair for humanity. In fact, I am close to giving up on humans. What a sad world we live in.

#blacklivesmatter #africansinukraine

Holocaust Memorial Day

Holocaust Memorial Day is marked on 27 January each year to remember the millions of people murdered in the Holocaust, under Nazi Persecution, and in the genocides, which followed in Cambodia, Rwanda, Bosnia and Darfur.

By the end of the Holocaust, six million Jewish men, women and children had been murdered in ghettos, mass-shootings, in concentration camps and extermination camps.

In the UK and around the world, millions of people face prejudice, discrimination and hostility simply because of their identity. Holocaust Memorial Day is a day of commemoration and a reminder that we need to take action to challenge these attitudes and behaviours.

The theme for Holocaust Memorial Day (HMD) 2022 is One Day. There are many ways to interpret the theme, some of which are outlined here.

The Holocaust Memorial Trust provides a wealth of information about the Holocaust and genocide, as well as ways in which you can engage with this year’s theme. For example, you could:

Pick One Day in History and learn about that day.

Use this theme as motivation to speak out One Day in the future when you see injustices, prejudices, and identity-based violence.

The Holocaust Memorial Trust documents life stories of survivors of genocide.

Read about The Babi Yar massacre which started on 29 September 1941, devastated the Jewish community of Kiev and marked one of the deadliest single operations during the Holocaust.

Read about life stories of genocide survivors such as Mussa Uwitonze: Mussa Uwitonze became an orphan after being separated from his family during the genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda.

I was at a Holocaust memorial event and a sweet old lady was speaking as a survivor.The traumas she shared were heart-breaking. She was very upbeat and optimistic about the future while hoping that the horror she experienced first-hand never happened again in human history. It struck me when she mentioned that she suffers from dementia and that even when she forgets other things, the memories of the genocide are very vivid in her brain, she remembers every minute detail of the horror. No human should ever have such experiences imprinted in their brain. Such horror should never have happened.

I was taken aback though when she mentioned that during an event she was speaking at, someone asked her if she felt guilty about being alive when many died. I have no idea why anyone, especially when they are not her therapist, would ask such question. The only one who should feel guilty are the monsters who committed the crime and the monsters who stood by and did nothing. They are the guilty ones.

Her response to the question was that God must have kept her alive to tell the story. Immediately my heart sank.

This idea that there was a God who could have stopped the genocide but chose instead to spare the lives of a few people just so they could tell of the horrors they saw, was indeed a notion I struggle to wrap my head around. It reminded me of the story of Job in the Bible, his God-induced sufferings as a test of his faith and the immorality of this human creation called God.

I know if I had any superpower that would have allowed me to prevent such terrible events such as genocides, of course I would use my superpowers even if it cost me the last reserve of my superpower. I mean, is that not the stuff heroes are made of? Always ready to help humanity, anyone in need even if it means going that very extra length? Is this not why we love Spiderman, Superman, Voltron, Wonder woman and all great action heroes and heroines? Why can’t we expect same of God? Is God not a hero or is there a double standard for heroes?

This leads me to Epicurus age old unanswered question: –

” Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent.

Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent.

Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil?

Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?”

I think we hesitate to call people out on this thought process because it is often difficult to call out someone who has been through a trauma. We say to ourselves, this isn’t the time or place. Yes, maybe it isn’t. However, there should be a time and a place to eventually have the discussion. For those who lost loved ones in fatal events and have to listen to survivors say things like “God must have spared my life for a reason”,  must hurt. it is as if their loved one who died in the same incident was not deemed worthy to be saved by God. Their loved ones were not good enough to be the chosen ones by Sky Daddy. It must hurt. I wrote about this in my blog posts Why  “Thank God I survived” or “God knows best” is a terrible thing to say in the aftermath of a fatal disaster and Natural Disasters are certainly not a time to thank God!

The world leaders who stood aside and did nothing to prevent the genocides are the anti-heroes and are as complicit as the perpetrators.

It is our hope that we will never again make the mistakes of the past and that One Day we will live in a world where genocide, racism, and discrimination in all its ugly form does not exist anymore. We can only achieve this by taking action.

As the late Archbishop Desmond Tutu famously said – “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor. If an elephant has its foot on the tail of a mouse and you say that you are neutral, the mouse will not appreciate your neutrality”.

 

Black History Month – Proud To Be.

It’s Black History Month and the theme this year is Proud To Be. I am Proud of everything that makes me Black.

I am proud of my Black Heritage.

I am Proud to be African.

I am proud to be an African Woman.

I am proud of the hospitality of my people.

I am proud of the creativity, the arts, rich culture and music that we have generously given the world which unfortunately are often appropriated without acknowledgement of the Black origin.

I am proud of the contributions of my people to Science and Technology.

I am proud of the exuberant nature of my people and the way we express ourselves with all our body gestures.

I am Proud of the renowned hospitality and welcoming nature of my ancestors.

I am Proud to be a Black African woman.

Africa is the cradle of life, it is the continuent that keeps giving even though they keep exploiting its human and natural resources, my people are resilient and continue to radiate hope.

They say Black is bad and not good enough, yet they refuse to return the beautiful Artefacts they stole from us that today still grace their museums.

They say Black is ugly yet they go under the knife to look like us to copy the very physical attributes they called ugly.

Still we rise because we know, and we know that they know, Black excellence is real, Black is beautiful. in and out.

To forget our history is to assimilate the lies of the colonisers and exploiters.

I know my history and this is why I Am Proud To Be. #HappyBlackHistoryMonth

As part of my celebration of Black History Month 2021 and in keeping with its ‘Theme ‘Proud To Be’ , I recited the poem ‘Africa my Africa’ by David Diop and shared with my work colleagues as a BHM video compililation project. Enjoy!

Africa my Africa – David Diop

Africa my Africa
Africa of proud warriors in ancestral Savannahs
Africa of whom my grandmother sings
On the banks of the distant river
I have never known you
But your blood flows in my veins
Your beautiful black blood that irrigates the fields
The blood of your sweat
The sweat of your work
The work of your slavery
Africa, tell me Africa
Is this your back that is unbent
This back that never breaks under the weight of humiliation
This back trembling with red scars
And saying no to the whip under the midday sun?
But a grave voice answers me
Impetuous child that tree, young and strong
That tree over there
Splendidly alone amidst white and faded flowers
That is your Africa springing up anew
springing up patiently, obstinately
Whose fruit bit by bit acquires
The bitter taste of liberty.

Bi Visibility Day

September 23rd is Bisexual Visibility Day. This means as a bisexual, I can’t rob a bank today cos my society-imposed superpower of invisibility wouldn’t work today. Also, i have to pay for trains and bus fares today. It’s a small price to pay to be visible to everyone for one day of the year.

Yes, the B in LGBTIQ+ exist. Bisexuals are real, although we are also Unicorns.

Enjoy my Bi Visibility Day video.

It’s My 46th Birthday!

It’s my 46th year on planet earth today! I still remember the day I was born, okay, maybe I exaggerated a bit. The years I do remember makes me feel like I’ve lived three livetimes already because I have truly lived.

I’ve experienced life’s twin fountains of pleasures and pains, love and loss, happiness and sadness, good health and bad health but I knew they were all part of the deal called Life.

I am very grateful for where I am today and for the people that have been part of my journey through different stages in my life. Those that passed through it and those that are still part of it. You all contributed whether positively or negatively to my experience in life so far and those experiences, good or bad, have contributed to my emotional and mental growth.

Life is a beautiful story as long as we keep writing our pages and chapters in our own words, on our own terms and live it unapologetically.

I raise a glass today and toast everything that makes me the extraordinarily fierce, passionate, mentally and emotionally intelligent, discerning, sexy, strong, independent, beautiful black woman I am today. To many more years of living life with a passion.

My birthday is not complete without my annual birthday dance. This year I celebrated with the beats from motherland and danced to the music of the legendary King of juju music, King Sunny Ade. What better tune to shake my original land cruiser to than the beats of KSA.
Emi o ba won wa, emi o ni ba won lo…

Happy Birthday to me.

 

 

Racism is not a winning attitude; Kick it Out!

I, like most Black people, knew the racial abuse was coming. It took just minutes after Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho and Bukayo Saka missed their penalties for the racists to go wild and vomit their vile on social media.

I am not a huge football fan and the one time I had my heart in my mouth during the game was when Marcus Rashford stood there to take the penalty. I knew instantly it was not just the weight of the ball he was carrying; he was also carrying the weight of his race and people who look like him.

My heart sank when he lost the penalty because I could already feel the racial abuse coming his way, and when Sancho and Saka lost too, I knew the racists would have a field day. I was willing them not to miss, even if England lost the game because at that point, I was more concerned about the racist abuse these young men would receive than England losing the game.

When our black sportspersons win, they are British, when they lose, they are immigrants and the racists immediately resort to racial abuse. Why should we always be made to feel like this by the society we are part or ‘supposedly part of’ as equal citizens? And some still wonder why we take the knee!

There is also a lesson on white privilege here. If a white person took the penalty and lost, of course they would also have been abused. However, that abuse would not be because of their skin colour. No one should ever have to face abuse, abuse is never a way to make a point. For British Black sportspersons, they face abuse as sportspersons in addition, for their skin colour too.

We must also address the fact that we see a rise in violent behaviours during football season, often fuelled by excess consumptions of alcohol during a game. Previous figures have sadly shown that domestic violence occurrences rose by around 38% nationally on the days when England lost, and 26% when the team won or drew a match. This is toxic, I wouldn’t be surprised if these figures rose higher during the Italy vs England Euro final.

The racists were not only satisfied with sending abusive messages on social media, some of them took it upon themselves to deface the artwork mural of Marcus Rashford in Withington, Manchester shortly after England lost on Sunday. Adults defaced the motivational mural of a high achieving, inspirational young person with swear words and racists comments. How very adult and civilised!

I have learned to always look out for that human act of kindness amidst hate and despair; I was not disappointed. The indefatigable spirits of decent humans shone through in this situation as they covered up the act of hate with an act of love.

They left positive messages where once there was hate.

They rallied round someone who was being kicked down by vile racists and showed him how much he was loved and revered by decent people.

Kids from diverse backgrounds rose to the occasion and stood up against racism. They supported and praised their hero, the one man who stood up for them to make sure they or their mates from less privileged backgrounds did not go hungry during school breaks. To even think that this act of kindness and empathy from Marcus Rashford was one of the things the racists hate about him, I mean how dare he try to campaign for children not to go hungry!

Marcus, ever a cool level headed young man, showed his appreciation for the support via his powerful message on Twitter: –

I’ve grown into a sport where I expected to read things written about myself.

Whether it be the colour of my skin, where I grew up, or, most recently, how I decide to spend my time off the pitch.

I can take critique of my performance all day long, my penalty was not good enough, it should have gone in but I will never apologise for who I am and where I came from. I’ve felt no prouder moment than wearing those three lions on my chest and seeing my family cheer me on in a crowd of tens of thousands.

I dreamt of days like this. The messages I’ve received today have been positively overwhelming and seeing the response in Withington had me on the verge of tears. The communities that always wrapped their arms around me continue to hold me up.

I’m Marcus Rashford, 23-year-old black man from Withington and Wythenshawe, South Manchester. If I have nothing else, I have that. For all the kind messages thank you. I’ll be back stronger. We’ll be back stronger.

What a powerful message and from a 23-year-old too. A lot to unpack there.

My heart goes to the 3 heroes, I hope they continue to hold their heads high because they are champions, they are kings, they are heroes. #BlackLivesMatter

Resisting Hate Together – International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia.

MAY 17 is International Day Against Homophobia, Biphobia and Transphobia (IDAHOBIT). It was first celebrated in 2004 to draw attention to the discrimination and violence experienced by Lesbians, Gays, Bisexuals, Intersex and Transsexual people for their sexual orientation, gender identities and characteristics. IDAHOBIT has since become a global event celebrated in many countries. This year’s theme is Together: Resisting, Supporting, Healing!

On May 17, World Health Organisation (WHO) declassified Homosexuality as a disease. May 17 (IDAHOBIT) was specifically chosen to commemorate the decision.

31 years after WHO declared that homosexuality is not a disease or mental disorder, in 70 countries, it is still illegal to identify as LGBT+ and in 12 countries, you could be given the death penalty.

Although many would say it is getting easier to identify as gay and that lgbt + people are no longer stigmatise. However, the truth is this is not the reality for many lgbt+ people across the globe, including in the UK.

1.5 billion people live under regimes that deny the right to love.

Same-sex relationships are currently illegal in many sub-Saharan African countries. Sodomy law is a colonial legacy inherited by former British colonies, a law which many have not abolished. Roger Jean-Claude Mbede was a camerounian who was imprisoned for sending a text message declaring his love for another man. He died in prison. Eric Lembembe was another Cameroonian prominent gay rights activist brutally murdered Dwayne Jones, was murdered in Jamaica after he attended a dance party dressed in women’s clothing. Corrective rape targeted at lesbians is still prevalence. This is not just in African or Caribbean countries. In 2016, the world woke up to the news of a mass shooting in a gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. It was horrific homophobic attack where a gunman killed 49 people and wounded 53. Russian currently has many LGBT+ activists languishing in jail.

I am from a country where Same sex love is a criminal offence. In Nigeria, same sex relationships carry a 14 years’ jail term and advocating for LGBT rights attracts a 10 year’ iimprisonment. As a bisexual woman who had her life heavily impacted by this, I know first-hand the horrors criminalisation have wrought on LGBT+ people who live in societies where it is illegal to be your authentic, fabulous self. Being openly LGBT+ could be a matter of life and death.

There are many LGBT+ people fleeing oppression and violence across the world. Persecutions and discrimination have displaced many from their families, childhood friends, loved ones and support system. To start life afresh in an unknown land, they become refugees, a term which comes with its own stigma. There are many who never had the opportunity to flee an oppressive regime or the wrath of a homophobic, biphobic or transphobic lynching mob.

This week, I read about the heart-breaking case of a gay man, Alireza Fazeli-Monfared, brutally murdered and beheaded by family in Iran in what is known as ‘Honour killing’. He was just 20 years old. The family found out about his sexual orientation after they discovered the Iranian military exempted him from service because of “sexual depravities”. Basically, the discrimination against LGBT+ people in the military caused him to be outed with fatal consequences. A young life brutally cut short and unfortunately not the only one and would most probably not be the last one.

In 2020, Human Rights Campaign (HRC) reported there was a high increase in the number of transgender or gender non confirming people fatally shot dead or killed by other violent means, the majority of which were Black and Latinx transgender women.

Transrespect versus Transphobia worldwide (TvT) reported that 350 Transgender people were murdered, suffocated and burned alive in 2020. The list was sourced via local and national news stories. This is probably a tip of the iceberg as many hate crimes and deaths go unreported. Also, we cannot disregard the severe impact of Covid19 and lockdown on LGBT+ people in regards to hate crime and domestic violence.

IDAHOBIT is a day to recognise that lgbt+ people still suffer persecutions in many parts of the world. It is a reminder to stand up and say no to hate and promote policies that help dismantle discrimination. As the founders stated, the main purpose of the May 17 mobilisations is to raise awareness of violence, discrimination, and repression of LGBT communities worldwide, which in turn provides an opportunity to take action and engage in dialogue with the media, policymakers, public opinion, and wider civil society.

We must not assume all is well with the world just because we are not facing the same problems experienced by others different than us. In the workplace, on the streets, within the family, in schools and closed community groups, lgbt+ still face subtle and not so subtle discrimination, bullying, hate and harassment on a daily basis. Many are still afraid to come out of the closets for fear of what they stand to lose.

We must ask ourselves, how can discrimination be legal?

In the spirit of this year’s IDAHOBIT theme –Together Resisting, Supporting, Healing!, let us be consciously aware of the persecutions, discrimination, oppressions and violence others face which we might never experience.

Let us Resist these discrimination and persecutions.

Show your Support in words and actions, for the human rights of persecuted LGBT+ wherever part of the world they live or are from.

For Healing to cmmence, we need to show we care, are willing to stand up for freedom to love for all, and actively promote equality and human rights for all.

You don’t have to be affected before you stand up for human rights. You don’t have to be lgbt+ to stand up for LGBT+ rights. You don’t have to be a woman to stand up for women’s rights. You don’t have to be an animal to stand up for animal rights. You don’t have to be a tree to be against deforestation. To stand up for lgbt+ rights, all you have to be is human, a decent human being.

Together we must stand up for the voiceless lgbt+ people in solidarity and let them know they are not alone or forgotten. Together we can end all forms of oppression and discrimination.

Human rights are not optional. We are not free until everyone is free. As Dr Martin Luther king said, “An injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” Happy IDAHOBIT.