Bi+ Ireland Upcoming Events

Hello, my lovely bisexual, pansexual and queer readers! If you’re in or around Ireland in the next week or two, Bi+ Ireland have been busy organising meetups in (literally) all four corners of the country. If you’re anywhere under the nonmonosexual/romantic umbrella and in this part of the world, we’d love to have you along. If you’re not, though? I’d appreciate it a ton if you could share the events and let people know about them.

And before I go, remember: Bi+ Ireland isn’t just our public page and events! We have a thriving worst-keptsecret FB discussion group as well- just send us a PM for an invite.

Here’s the details: Continue reading “Bi+ Ireland Upcoming Events”

Bi+ Ireland Upcoming Events
{advertisement}

I Am Not Your 101: Sharing and Privacy

I had this experience recently.

I’m at a pub after a long week, (third) pint in hand, and a friend asks me to explain bi erasure to her. Right then and there. What is it? What does it mean? How is it a thing?

I ask her if we can’t please talk about this another time, but she insists- after all, I run a nationwide bi+ network and blog about this stuff all the time, don’t I? I ask her again if we can talk about this later, because I’m tired after my week and just want to kick back with a few beers and relax. She keeps insisting. Eventually I make my excuses, saying that I’ll pop to the bar for a second. By the time I get back she’s deep in another conversation. Phew.

A week or so before that: An acquaintance and me were at a party. Out of nowhere, they start asking me what felt like overly personal questions- why am I single? What about my orientation? What percent was I attracted to men and what to women? What percent was it physical and how much emotional?

I answered that this was none of his business, that besides, it wasn’t like that, and that I wasn’t going to answer and could he please stop. Of course, he went on. Where else is he supposed to find out about this stuff? It’s not like there’s any other bi people in the room.

I repeated that this was making me feel incredibly awkward and self conscious and could he please stop? His answer was that I write about this stuff on the internet, so I should be fine with talking about it at any time. Luckily at that moment a friend of mine (who is bi) was on her way through the kitchen and told him to knock it off. It worked. I excused myself for another room.

These things happen all the time. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

As a society, we have an idea about people who are partially visible to the public eye. We figure that if you’ve chosen to share something publicly, you’re fair game. Continue reading “I Am Not Your 101: Sharing and Privacy”

I Am Not Your 101: Sharing and Privacy

Some Advice For Being Come Out To

Belated happy coming out day! I’d have come out as something this weekend but.. I wracked my brains and I have no idea what I have left to come out as. I’m a pretty open book at this stage. That, and the weekend was spent on roller derby- have I mentioned I’m hopelessly devoted to derby? I’d say ‘consider me an out ‘n’ proud derby fanatic’, but if you didn’t already know that, you haven’t been paying attention.

However, my having reached the bottom of my (current) barrel of things to come out as does leave me with a wealth of experience as a coming-outer, as well as someone being come out to. With that, here’s my advice for those of you on the receiving end of a coming out. Particularly for those of you who might have some out yourself, who are now listening to others come out to you.

What’s coming out?

When we hear that someone has come out, what do we think? Our first assumption- almost our automatic one- is that they have just said that they’re gay. Contrary to what popular culture would have us believe, coming out isn’t about saying you’re gay. Sometimes it might involve saying that you’re gay, of course- if gayness is the particular thing a person is coming out about that day. But gay is by no means the only, or even the primary, thing that a person might come out about. If coming out, then, isn’t about saying that you’re gay, then how can we as coming out-ees, think about it in a better way? Continue reading “Some Advice For Being Come Out To”

Some Advice For Being Come Out To

A quick PSA

Just a quick update:

First: this week I’m working in a place a whole lot further away than my usual school, so I’ve no idea how much time I’ll have on my hands for blogging. Hopefully a bit!

And secondly: THANK YOU SO MUCH to all of you who’ve donated/subscribed since my last post. I’m more than a little bit overwhelmed, to be honest with ya. And I promise I’ll do my very best to make it worth your while.

(If you missed that whole bit, all the essential info is at that charming little doodle below)

And now? I have to be up at a painfully awful hour in the morning, so I’ve a hot date with a duvet and a hot water bottle (it’s cold here!).

Monthly subscription
 
onetime donation
Why Donate?

 

A quick PSA

Why You Should Give Me All.. er, some of.. Your Money.

Time is money.

Here’s my situation. I have a day job, most of the time. It’s a lot of fun, but the area I work in (I teach English in a private language school) means that I don’t have work all year round and my income, while mostly sufficient to get by, is neither massive nor reliable. I never know how many hours I’ll be working or how much money I’ll be getting month-to-month. This means that I don’t really have a choice but to always prioritise teaching for as many hours as I can, when I can, because I simply don’t know if I’ll be working at all next month. The rent’s gotta be paid. Everything else takes second place.

Because writing has always been something I do more or less for free (FtB does pay a little ad revenue, but it’s not going to pay the bills), that means that it has to spend a lot of time on the back-burner. Right now I simply can’t afford to write as many posts or on as many topics as I’d like to.

This is, frankly, pants. There are so many things I want to write about here and a embarrassingly massive drafts folder full of things that I don’t have time to give justice to.

And that’s not all. As I’ve mentioned many times before, last November I founded the Bi+ Ireland Network, which has grown in less than a year to a group with almost 180 members from all over the country, a public presence that’s been noticed by loads of Ireland’s LGBT organisations, meetups in several different cities, and even some media representation– all of which has been done with precisely zero budget. This group has so much potential to become something even more, if there were only more time and resources. I want to create more spaces, to grow this network and do something about the crushing erasure and exclusion people are facing here.

And even that’s not all. Last year I ran a workshop at a student conference on creating consent cultures. What happened in that workshop made it incredibly clear to me that we need consent education in our universities and colleges- we need to teach people what it means and how we can incorporate it into our lives. I want to do that, and to do so I need time.

And there’s more, and more, and even more.

I would like your support

I haven’t ever really asked for money on an ongoing basis for the work I do in any of those spaces. In a way it’s because it feels so embarrassing to ask, doesn’t it? Isn’t it screwed up, though, that we see demanding money in return for something you would otherwise withhold- charging for something- as laudable, and yet simply asking for it in return for something you will provide anyway is seen as far less respectable?

The work I do for money absolutely has value- people leave my classroom a little bit more able to communicate in this language than they entered it in the morning, and that is one hell of a lovely thing. But I believe that any of the other work that I do- either here on the blog, or in creating and maintaining communities where none were before, or in the workshops I run and the ones I’d love to develop- is also valuable.

And it is work. Work that I want to develop. Work I want to do more of. And work that I really want to help to pay at least some of my bills. I don’t want my work to be anything other then freely available. But I would love if those of you with the ability and inclination could support this work that I do, so I can do more of it.

Here is what I would love: I would love to know each month what I have to work with. While once-off donations are marvellously appreciated, I would appreciate even more if some of you chose to subscribe to support me and my work. A smaller amount every month would go a long way towards that security that would allow me the freedom to prioritise this work, instead of constantly having to leave it in second place.

How and Why?

I’ve spent some time researching different options for this, and have decided that for now at least, instead of working with a fundraising site like Patreon, I’m going to go the simpler route of advertising the presence of my Paypal once-off donation and monthly subscription buttons. There are two major reasons for this:

  • Patreon and similar sites encourage you to have subscriber-only content. I don’t want to put anything behind a paywall. I want the work I do to be accessible to as many people as possible, whether or not they can pay for it. I’ve spent enough of my own time too broke to financially support the people whose work I follow- I’m not going to penalise anyone else for that.
  • Privacy. Again, fundraising sites tell you who is donating and how much, and how much a person receives every month. Maybe it’s an Irish thing, maybe it’s my being an only child, or maybe just a personal quirk- but that feels to me like the online equivalent of a live webcam of my laundry or the inside of my sock drawer. To be blunt, it squicks me out, and I strongly believe that sharing writing or other creative work is not an abdication of one’s right to privacy. This also feels a lot to me like justifying asking for support. I don’t think someone should have to be on the verge of starvation before it becomes okay to support their work. It’s always okay.

I can’t afford to support you with delicious eurodollars, is there anything I can do?

Of course! I’m in a rather similar boat myself at the moment. Financial support is marvellous but so is everything else you lovely readers do. So keep commenting and keep linking to the Tea Cosy. I appreciate it all. A lot.

But you’ll give us something back, right?

Of course!

In the long run, having financial support from my readers will mean more and better-researched articles covering more topics in more depth. I’ll also update you all regularly on how this is going- while I am squicked out by sharing exact numbers, I’m only too happy to talk in general about what this means practically in my life.

In the short run, supporters will have two things: my genuine appreciation, and the opportunity to ask me to blog on a topic they choose. This will be up for discussion between us, but if there’s a burning question you’ve always wanted me to talk about? Now you can make it happen.

And that’s it.

Monthly subscription
 
onetime donation

Why You Should Give Me All.. er, some of.. Your Money.

Let’s talk tea: An essential guide for visitors to Ireland.

As I am every bit as busy this week as expected, have this wee snippet for your reading entertainment:

Descartes had it all wrong. I think, therefore I am? Whatever. Round these parts, I prefer: I drink tea, therefore I am. Or even: I am Irish, therefore I drink tea.

It has become clear to me recently that some people not from around here (I’m looking at you, Americans) have a misconception or six about my country’s beverage of choice. This cannot be allowed to continue, so let’s put the kettle on and sort this out, shall we?

Misconception the First: Irish People Drink Guinness

Continue reading “Let’s talk tea: An essential guide for visitors to Ireland.”

Let’s talk tea: An essential guide for visitors to Ireland.

Some Guidelines on the Proper Placement of Water Meters

Sometimes you’re there, bemoaning the fact that you don’t have enough hours in the week to write about all the things you want to, and then someone else expresses your feelings perfectly in one succinct sentence.

If you’re curious as to how a country that receives over 200 days of rainfall a year has reached the stage of having to pay for that rainfall per litre, Oireachtas Retort have a brilliant, scathing summary of the situation and its likely fallout.

Edited to add:
A lot of people in the comments here are showing some very different perspectives on this. I feel a bit embarrassed, as it’s pretty clear I was impulsively posting fairly strongly on something I don’t actually know terribly much about. I’m gonna take a step back, do some more reading and talking on this one, and STFU with the big public statements until I know enough to have a perspective with a bit of real nuance to it.

And thank you, commenters, for calling me on it.

Some Guidelines on the Proper Placement of Water Meters